Hot Mess Mom » Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » you show your ass, I’ll show mine.
you show your ass, I’ll show mine.
Number One has been exceptionally assholish lately. If you think it’s inappropriate to call an 11 year-old an asshole… well, you are probably right…. but since I’m out of the running for 2012′s Mother of the Year, I’m just gonna roll with it.
I won’t get into details and specifics, but basically if Number One could adult-nap Seven and run away.. just the two of them forever…he would be a happy camper. His brothers and I are nothing more than a spur in his saddle. Especially me.
Ya’ll know I have a bit of a temper. I also have little patience and a very low threshold for bullshit. That combined with Number One’s recent acceleration of assholishness has made for a very trying week.
But…once again… my evil genius has saved the day. Beginning yesterday afternoon, every time Number One acts a fool, huffs, puffs, sighs, grunts, or storms…… I wait a few minutes…. calmly walk to wherever he is…… and moon him.
Yup. That’s right. Full on moon, complete with the bendover. I told him from now on, everytime he shows his ass, I’m going to show mine. Literally.
I’ll keep you posted as to how my brand new stellar parenting strategy is working. So far, it’s gotten me a reprimand from Seven and giggles and an eye roll from Number One.
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Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
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this gives me a look into my future…my husbands scolds me when my 2 YO bites i bite him back. not hard of course but come on. happy mooning!
Holy shit, hilarious.
Nicole, I’ve gently bitten our 20 MO when she’s bitten me, and yesterday I threatened to beat the snot out of my 7 YO when she thought to raise her voice at me.
I could not love this more!
You better do it when his friends are over.
Once when I was a teen, my mom had enough of my attitude and mooned me. She was outside and I was inside so she knocked on the sliding glass door and then pressed her bare ass up against it. I will NEVER be able to erase that image from my head. Happy mooning!
that’s EXACTLY what I did last night.. pressed my arse right up against the glass door while he was outside and I was in.
That’s your special way of saying, “I’ve got my EYE on you!”
Bahahaha! She’s wring on soooo many levels….I almost can’t take it.
nic… no black lace this time.. just big bare white ass… Tell your SS he was LUCKY!
OMG! I love it – I’m gonna try this – oh and this is just the teen years for #1…. Mine hit that point 4 years ago when she turned 11. And yes, kids are assholes sometimes.
I pinched my nephew when he pinched me. He is 18 months old. He got the hint. =) I know I’m going to have similar parenting styles to this when/if I have kids, but this blog gives me confidence that I won’t go to jail for it! =D
To E: I used to pinch when I was little and my mom asked if I wanted to play the pinching game so I would pinch her and then she pinched me. I stopped pinching after one round of the pinching game.
I am at my daughters softball practice just rolling!!! That is too funny! I will have to try that on my almost 13 yr old daughter!!!
HMM- I have an 11 year old boy and he is an asshole sometimes as well. I tell him sometimes “Hey quit being an asshat!” I might trying to mooning bit… think it would work on my almost 17 year old?
i think it would work even BETTER on your 17 year old.
you are a genius.
You are an evil genius! Awesome!
Absolute and total awesomeness! I feel strongly that it won’t be long before I have to start using this strategy myself. ::scribbles notes:: Love it!
I can’t wait until the day you moon him in front of his friends. Seriously, I’d buy tickets and bring popcorn to watch the moon rise on that day!
i’ll have to wait until that is an ‘un-arrestable offense”. Prior to 18 it’s got to be considered lewd & lascivious, huh?
I’m jealous I didn’t think of this first!! Your such a smart cookie!
oh yes… i’m very wise.
And assholish is an understatement. esMy first born of 3 is also 11, a little control freak MODEST asshole, so this would totally whip him into shape in no time!
Do it! Let me know how it goes
BHAHA!!! I know I should have seen that coming, but I totally didn’t! You really are my hero!
My kids (9 and 7) know if they hit me, they are getting hit back. And I hit them back just as hard as they hit me. That nipped that in the butt real quick. I’m all for giving back what they do.
Be an asshole, see my asshole. I love it! I could definitely get into the mooning, although I’m all for embarrassing kids, so I would have to do it in front of all their friends. Probably be getting calls from the parents or the cops knocking on the door, but that would be funny.
I have 2 boys, 14 yrs old and 16 yrs old. They both can be real assholes. One time I had enough and after reading this thread, I decided to take your advice. I told them to clean up the basement. Instead they kept playing with 2 of their buddies down stairs. I just turned around and pulled down my jeans and underwear. There it was, a full moon, my bare bottom. They were speechless. I looked over my shoulder and told them clean it up now! All 4 stared in disbelief as they began to giggle. I told them I would stand there, bare bottom and all, until it was finished. Everything worked fine and it got cleaned, but took about 10 minutes. Their 2 friends asked if they could come back and help clean again. WOW way to get things done!
Omg…you’re a fricken hoot. New to your site. Can we say SUBSCRIBE!!!
Maybe I carried it too far, but I had fun and I think they were OK with everything (especially the boys 2 friends) LOL. Would I do it again? Hmm mm Not sure if I should or not. At least I know it works! Glad you think I’m a hoot. Thanks
Tears running down my face b/c I’m laughing so hard. You’re insane (aren’t we all) – please keep it coming!
My youngest asshole was about seven when I got her goat. She had drawn a lovely picture at school, and after much praise we had put it on the fridge. An hour or so later, while trying to do homework, cook supper, get shit ready for the next day, and other joyous activities, my best friend called. She was crying and in an awful place. Asshole came up and told me to hang up the phone. WTF? I was annoyed, but “nicely” mouthed for her to hold on. Twice. She then stormed to the fridge, jerked the picture off, turned, AND LOOKED ME IN THE EYES, and wadded it up and threw it on the floor. Stunned? Hell yeah. I knew this was a moment. I calmly stood up, picked up the drawing, smoothed it out, dropped my sweatpants and wiped my ass with it. You should’ve seen her face. Stunned? HELL YEAH! Sometimes I close my eyes and savor it again.
When I told my best friend about it the next day, she laughed so hard she peed herself. She never knew anything was going on. She was amazed that I could be smooth enough to do this without a lapse in conversation. I swear it set the pace for her teens. She always knew I was thisclose to crazy. She’s 23 and just finished college. Shes my best friend now. She also knows I’m fucking crazy if she pushes the right buttons. Am I proud of this? Ummm, Hell yeah. I earned it.
hot mess mom I really enjoyed ur blog. why dont u post a pic of u mooning.
nobody wants to see that.
To be honest, I really enjoy showing my bare bottom. As a mom, it’s one of the few ways left to get attention. Some times I even get goosebumps on my bare skin as I feel the breeze. Seeing the eyes of my 16 year old in shock and embarrassing him in front of his friends, as they giggle, is fun, but I don’t think many people want to see my big white ass. And Oh, did I tell you: It’s BIG – like sticks out to China – not like a cute teen bottom.
trust me… your ass can’t be bigger or whiter than mine! That’s what makes it such a great punishment
I’m sure it’s bigger. They always teased me about my big “bubble butt”. Even though i have a flat tummy, my butt sticks way out no matter how much I exercise. True, I thought it would be good punishment to embarrass my 16 yr old in front of his friends, but it may have backfired. The other boys appeared to have been fixated on my bare bottom, enjoying it as they giggled. I didn’t mind and let them look for a few minutes. Later I spoke with their mom. She laughed so hard and said they could look at my big ass any time I wanted to show them. “the bottom line” (no pun intended) is that it was fun to bare it and it got results. Hopefully there is no harm in a few teenagers with big smiles and surprised eyes. Hell, it probably made there day! Sorry, the ego boost feels good. I’ll have to set a time limit on how long they can look. LOL
I spend every day with a building full of 11-14 year old and I can say with absolute authority that at least 10 of them are nothing ASSHOLES on any given day, so that is completely fine for you to say about your 11 year old! Just wait…… mwhaaah ha ha ha ha ah.
lord have mercy… i can only imagine.
You were one of the most clicked links at last week’s Finding the Funny. Featuring you tomorrow and pinning this.
yay! thank you! ( i can’t remember what I entered.. shit!)
[...] – You Show Your A$$ Hot Mess [...]
Pure genius. I’m rolling in a fit of laughter. I thought for a moment I could try this out on my own asshole kids but they are still in that young adorable stage where they copy every single thing I do and I don’t think it’d be appropriate for them to be mooning people randomly. Damn it. I guess I will just have to file this away for the future!
OMG!! This is the 1st time I’ve ever laughed so hard this early in the morning! I can’t wait to make my husband read this next time he says I’m out of control!
You kill me, I needed this laugh this morning. You are my idol-I can’t wait to moon my daughter someday! Actually, the way my husband is acting this morning I think I’m going to sporadically moon him!