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and THIS is why so many kids these days are pussies

  Honestly,  I cannot even believe that I am writing this post, but after I posted a pic of a text conversation with my son on Facebook and then  some of the comments, I had to drop everything and share this with you. As you may or may not know, I have one highly gifted child, one with a learning disability, and one  who is fairly smart and extremely hard working.   The latter two receive A’s and B’s on every report card and progress report.  Number One gets C’s.  And sometime’s D’s.   Wanna guess which one is “off the charts gifted”?   Yeah.. that one. When I was working, I went to a management conference and the speaker said what employees want more than anything are clearly outlined goals and expectations … Read entire article »

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Everything that I never knew I wanted.

  In 2004, when my husband began traveling extensively for work, my world was turned upside down.  With three sons under 4 years old, we had always shared the parenting responsibilities.  We both worked full time jobs and had scheduled our work hours accordingly.  I worked from 7am – 3pm while he took care of the children.  He worked from 3pm – 11pm while I did.  {Occasionally we even got to sleep!} Our offices were close to one another and we met every day to do the “hand off”. My husband has always been a great dad.  Back then, he was also a great mom.   He had the day shift.  He made pancakes, changed diapers, got them all … Read entire article »

Why being a bad “parent” makes me a good “mom”

  Admittedly, I’m never going to be in the running for Parent of the Year.  Never, ever, EVER going to happen.  Ever.  {ever} Sometimes my house is a mess.  Sometimes I forget to pay the bills and services get disconnected. Sometimes my kids come home from school to a messy house without power.  Or cable.  Or without power AND cable. Sometimes, when my kids beg to sleep in or play hooky, I let them. Sometimes I feed them bushels of fruits and veggies. Sometimes I feed them processed foods. Sometimes I even feed them GMO’s. Sometimes I don’t register them for sports in time and they don’t get on the “right” team. Sometimes I don’t register them for sports at all because the … Read entire article »

I am BLESSED and I don’t care who knows it.

  I just returned from a weekend in New York City with my first born. It was an incredible few days.  Truly, one of those weekends that many can only dream of.  I am blessed. There.  I said it.  I am BLESSED.  Change “blessed” to lucky, fortunate, or any other word of your choosing.  THAT is how I feel and THAT is what I am. Every minute of every day I am grateful.  I am grateful for the things that I have earned and the things that I have been given.  I am grateful for plain, dumb luck. This blog (and specifically the Facebook page that accompanies it) has grown exponentially over the past few months.   While posting on … Read entire article »

To blog or to Facebook? That is the question….

  New Year, New resolutions, New blog post. Same bullshit. In addition to my normal “let me be better” goals of lose weight, exercise more, drink less, don’t smoke, blah blah blah….  I REALLY do want to get to back to writing on the blog on a semi-regular basis (ie: weekly). But here’s the rub.   Writing on the blog is kind of a pain in the ass. Let me e’splain…  No, it’s too much…  Let me sum up .. I need access to a computer.   I’m a busy bee.  I’m not home that often.   I have a smartphone.  Updating a Facebook status with my thumbs is easy.  It’s quick.  It’s painless.  It offers immediate gratification. I do not run … Read entire article »

Why December kicks my ass. Every fracking year.

  I’ve written and bragged and yelled from the rooftops to anyone who will listen about how I make Christmas my bitch.   I do.  I really do.  But every year.. EVERY fracking year..  there are a fucktillion things that I’m in charge of, outside of my own family’s Christmas, that get the best of me. When I was working, we had a two weeks of mid-year reviews the middle 2 weeks of December.  2 weeks of 12-hour work days with business dinners at night.  When I quit working, I was so excited to have my holidays FREE!  Then I volunteered to be in charge of several activities and chair several committees that all culminated around the … Read entire article »

There’s a chance THIS IS MINE!!! {half explanation and half angry rant}

  Hello!! My name Inigo Montoya, you kill my father.. prepare to die. No, wait.. that’s not right.. Hello!  My name is Hot Mess Mom!  I am the sole owner of Hot Mess Events & Entertainment.  I write a blog.  I hold events.  I sell merchandise. One morning in 2012, I got out of the shower, wrapped in a towel and said to myself Self? You know what would be funny?  Water bottles with “there’s a chance this is vodka” written on them.  Ha Ha Ha!! You are soooooooo funny! So, I called my printer, ordered a few cases of bottles and had him print them.  My invoice for this order was $1500.   I had no money and no guarantee … Read entire article »

There’s a hole in my bucket list.

  Last night, the boys and I were hanging on the couch, watching Duck Dynasty, when out of nowhere Number Two (10) asks “Mom, what’s on your bucket list?” Of course I giggled and asked what he knows of bucket lists.  Surprisingly he knew exactly what a bucket list was and insisted that we discuss mine. Hmmm.. Let me think…  {silence} Mom! There have to be things you want to do! But I DO stuff!! When I want to do something, I DO it!  I mean, there are places I want to go.. LOTS of places I want to travel to… but nothing that I absolutely have to do before I die. Mom.. Seriously? Dude..  I’ve jumped out of an airplane.  I’ve … Read entire article »

2nd Annual Million MILF March~ The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly.

  If you are new to Hot Mess Mom or have been living under a rock and don’t know what in the hell this post is about…  I hold an annual event called the Million MILF March.  It’s a pub-crawl.  It benefits charity.  MILF = Moms Investing in Laughter & Frivolity.   Everything you need to know about the event you can find HERE, HERE, and HERE.   Now.. onto the recap of the 2nd Annual Million MILF March. Where to begin? Where to begin?? I’ll start with the bad..  And by “bad”, I mean “areas for improvement”.   PLEASE feel free to email me, comment here, or PM me on Facebook with any and all input.  Let’s remember that … Read entire article »

How to throw a Viking funeral for a hermit crab

  FINALLY!- An answer to the age old question… “How does one throw a Viking funeral for a hermit crab that has been eviscerated by his fellow hermit crabs?”   I know… if you had a nickel for everytime someone has asked you that exact question….. right?   Well, here you go.  You can thank me later.   STEP ONE:   Decide upon clothing for such an austere event.   STEP TWO:  Consider if that is really the best you an do.  If not, adjust accordingly. STEP THREE:  Make a photo collage to post on Facebook so the entire interweb knows how in sync your family is.  STEP FOUR:  Arrange transportation for the casket to the funeral grounds. STEP FIVE:  Invite guests who will … Read entire article »