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Hot Mess Mom » Antics, Dear Diary, Featured, Million MILF March, Ramblings » I’m a narcissistic cryer. And it’s all your fault.

I’m a narcissistic cryer. And it’s all your fault.

 

So…  to be a blogger.. you really need to be kind of a narcissist.  Why else would you think that people in the cyber world would be interested in anything you have to say??   Us bloggers… we are a self-absorbed bunch.   We may not want to admit it.. but again… come on…   I honestly think that there are people out there who WANT and NEED to know when I put expired things in my vagina, yell at my children or have an exceptionally good meal.   NARCISSIST.

That being said….  although I’ll admit to being a self-absorbed douche-canoe….  it’s still sometimes very hard for me to take a compliment.  Nice words make me uncomfortable.  I’d rather you say  “Right-On you dumb whore!” than to tell me that I have influenced of affected your life in some positive and meaningful way.  I mean.. it’s wonderful..  but it makes me feel weird.

Last weekend at the MMM, I was exhausted.  I was physically, mentally, emotionally drained.  I was drunk.  Everything I had been working towards for a year was happening.  And as long as people were laughing at or with me, I was fine.   But some of those damn women had the nerve to come tell me that they were proud of me.  Or inspired by me.  And I had to keep yelling  “Stop being nice to me!!  You are going to make me cry and if I start crying now, I won’t stop for a week“.    It eventually happened.  I brimmed over a few times throughout the day and finally lost my ever-loving mind around 10 pm.  It was all too much.

It’s taken me a few days to be ready to talk about some things.  There is no way to write what I’m about to write without sounding like  “yay me!! i’m so incredible.. you should all wish you were just like me!!   yay yay hmm!!”     I hate that shit.  By no means am I modest or shy or even humble… but some things are a lot for one person to hear.   I’m going to write it.  But understand, I am not writing it for ME.  I am writing this because there surely are some of you out there who feel the same way, and this is what HMM & MMM are about…  having fun, feeling normal, taking time for YOURSELF.   So, I’m gonna share some other’s perceptions of what happened last weekend.    phew…. okay….here I go……

If you’ve read my post, Gooley’s post, or the Madwoman’s post about the Million MILF March, ,you understand the level of camaraderie, acceptance and true joy that was experienced by 250 strangers.  I’m not going to get into that again.

I’ve received over 200 emails since Sunday.  I’ve answered about 25 phone calls.  While everyone’s feelings on the weekend are similar, there were some very distinct take-aways.

  • One person said the best part of the weekend was that you could sip on beers and hang with your friends or you could do shots all day and be a rock star.  There was no wrong or right.  There was no pressure.  People were truly “celebrating themselves” in whichever manner they chose to.  There was no herd mentality and nobody felt any pressure to be anything other than exactly what or who they were.  How often does that happen in a lifetime?

 

  • Another said the element of the day was amazing.  Hundreds of women playing on a stripper pole and not a slut in sight.  hanging from that pole just because it was fun.  Or funny. No creepy men. NONE.  The men that were there were amazingly respectful, fun, and encouraging men.  The party was about the women and they knew it.

 

  • There was this:   It feels like a dream…  A fabulous, epic, once in a lifetime experience that I want to relive over and over (or dream about again and again).  Thank you so much for organizing such a fantastic getaway!  I’ll just count down the days till the next one like my kids do for Christmas. The MMM should be for women what Disney World is for kids.

 

  • And then THIS.  And this is the one that makes me get teary every time I fucking read it.  And it’s douchey to post it, but it’s what I want for everyone…

HMM, I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning.  I’m in my late 40′s and my kids are a little older than yours but not much.  I read you every day and am jealous of you all of the time.  You and Muffy and the IceQUeen and Princess have so much fun.  J-Ho is hilarious.  Your girls night out pictures make me laugh and cry.  I don’t do that ever.  I have spent the last year loving and hating you at the same time.  You go out and have fun, you have great friends, you are involved with your kids and a great mom, and you travel.  You take more trips than I ever knew was possible.  I do none of those things.  I’m the opposite of HMM.  I have friends, but they are quiet and spread over the country.  I never go out.  We take 1 family vacation a year.   When you planned the MMM, I thought  “wow, that would be so fun.  I wish I could do that”.   That was over 6 months ago and every time you updated, I thought “wow, I really wish I could do that”   About 6 weeks ago, while I was being jealous of another one of your fun adventures, it hit me that I CAN do that if I want to. My life won’t change unless I change it.  I called some girlfriends to come with me.  They couldn’t.  Or they wouldn’t.  As it got closer, I had to be there.  I told my husband and my kids that they were on their own.  They were perplexed.  I went to New Orleans alone.   I introduced myself to you on Friday night.  You recognized my name and knew where I was from.  That amazed me.  How do you do that?   I didn’t say I was alone.  I didn’t have to because within the hour I wasn’t alone.  I was a part of everything I had been jealous of.  I was in the middle of it.  The people I met this weekend were amazing.  They were strangers and are now friends.  And not Facebook friends.. REAL friends.  I’ve already been on the phone for over an hour with 3 different women I met this weekend.   I’m telling you all of this because it is important for you to know that YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE.   I would never have done any of this without your influence.  Never.  I wouldn’t have left my family.  I wouldn’t have traveled alone.  And i wouldn’t have experienced one of the best weekends of my life.   You have written before that you believe taking time for yourself makes you a better mother and a better wife.  I didn’t understand it.  Now I do.  I have returned to my home a different person.  A better person.  I know I am living the life I choose.   My husband said “I don’t know what happened down there, but everything about you is lighter”.  He’s right.  I’m lighter.  I’m happier and I’m better.  It’s because of you HMM.  And I thank you.

Sooo, that’s pretty fucking nice and amazing and I hate her because now I just cry all of the time.  If I would have had a goal.. a set goal at the inception of HMM, that would have been it.  To influence someone to have more fun.. to not put themself last.  To celebrate.

So ,thank you.  Thanks to all of you who were a part of this weekend.  Thanks to all of you who are a part of this blog.  And thanks to all of you who piss me off by making me cry.

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Filed under: Antics, Dear Diary, Featured, Million MILF March, Ramblings

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50 Responses to "I’m a narcissistic cryer. And it’s all your fault."

  1. Jennifer says:

    Wow, is all I can say.. i missed it this year.. but will definitely.. God willing, be there next year!
    Great job!

    1. Cheri says:

      I didn’t make it either but I will be there next year with my best friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Super job!

  2. Ain't too late for poison says:

    Fucking awesome, that is all I’m going to say because I believe you know how I feel about you and this trip without me having to say it or get all mushy about it. Yes, we are a bit narcissistic. I said as much in my own post today. Every single time I get a response telling me I’ve inspired change in someone’s life, I’m pushed to write more, to tell a bit more of my story. You are a rock star and I can’t wait to be reunited with the friends I made and to make new ones next year.

  3. Muffy says:

    You’re like Oprah, but only if she were really foul-mouthed and drank a lot more in public. So I guess you’re Trashy Oprah. Troprah. Or Trashprah.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      oh holy shit.. i just peed. you are an asshole and I’m making Troprah/ Trahsprah shirts.

      1. Janie says:

        PAH HA HA HA… “Trashprah” … Let me know when they’re available!

      2. Michelle says:

        I want a t shirt!!!!!

  4. mutha 2 says:

    sobbing….
    i was just asked by a friend who bailed on the MMM at the last minute “did you have fun saturday?”. Its hard to explain to a non-attendee, but i said “it was a religious experience”. Was that too much? NO. I was myself, truly, 100% ME. I hit the dance floor alone when I heard a song I loved and ended up surrounded by 10 other women doing the same thing. No one judged. Liberating! I am divorced, so no break from my husband that weekend, but I too have come back, refreshed, stronger, more independent, …… LIGHTER (good description)…. and a better mom. You are special HM. You have done a good thing for a lot of ladies. Honestly, I did not think I NEEDED that weekend, I just wanted it…. Boy was I wrong!!!
    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you………

  5. I went into the MMM alone also. Sort of. I had met you before, but you were the bell of the ball and I knew your focus couldn’t be on me, and that was ok. From 3pm on Thursday, until 3pm on Sunday, I felt like part of a family. A dysfunctional, smelly, drunk, mouthy, fucking hilarious family. I never felt alone, even when I was alone. The first text from my new ‘special’ friends said, “I’m hungover too, I just ordered you a bloody mary. Get over here now.” That is true friendship.
    There were begs with tegs and a gay genius, there was snorting in a cathedral, there were dongs slapping ass cracks. There was love, and there are still tears.
    Right on, you dumb whore.

    1. Gooley says:

      I almost drank that bloody Mary.

  6. Le-le-le-Leah says:

    That is SO fantastic!!!!! And I feel the same….I’d much rather get a “Right-On you dumb whore!” than get real compliments….but you have done an amazing thing, and you need to know it and share it! :-) I will def. have to look into going to future MMM’s!

  7. Gooley says:

    Crying like bitch. I’m developing tits and a vag.
    And I don’t care….well maybe a little.
    No more compliments. After all, how could I compliment an unshowered braless women singing…

    “Hey! You’re a crazy bitch
    But you fuck so good I’m on top of it
    When I dream I’m doing you all night
    Scratches all down my back to keep me right on”

    How Saturday morning began….

    1. big bertha says:

      Gooley, I think you may be a lesbian trapped in a male sasquatch’s furry body.

      1. Gooley says:

        I am.
        I passed being confused a long time ago.

  8. Julie Oliver says:

    You are the most incredible, down-to-earth, generous, funny, beautiful (should I go on?) person I have ever met! How you ever created the most amazing weekend is beyond me. But you did. I had high expectations and you far surpassed them! I felt connected to every person there and wish we could all move to NOLA! (although you’d have to come visit me at the local rehab!) thank you so much for taking me under your wing and for introducing me to do many fabulous people! You’re stuck with me now, bitch!
    Xoxo Julie

  9. karrie says:

    Hoo boy- that made me tear up too. And I didn’t even go!

  10. Kirstyn says:

    I want to say to anyone who didn’t go “Why????, you are an asshole and you missed out.”…that’s not nice, so I won’t…but that’s how I feel…kinda. I highly recommend saving your pennies, I’d starve and give up new shoes for a girls’ trip… the “religious experience” for me was the camaraderie, no drama and the “be you” factor. Also the city…it quenched my “get the hell outta’ suburbia” thirst. Yes, please rock a “Trashprah” t-shirt…

  11. That is by far the best compliment I have ever read. It gave me chills. Wow! It has to be awesome to know you had a hand in making someone happy.

  12. Amy says:

    You’re just an amazing person and you help all of us in so many different ways!

  13. Madwoman says:

    Wowser HM. That is a serious compliment. “YOU changed my life.” Damn. Just damn…I hope a millon women just like that read this…and go next year. I didn’t really know I *needed* the weekend either…I thought it would be fun as in most of the nights out with the muthas are fun. It really was more than that. Hard to put your finger on ‘why’…it was several things. Letting go is fun and necessary…not being judged is fucking awesome…being surrounded by the energy of hundreds of badass women is just awesome. I guess in a way we all energized one another. That’s some badassery right there!

  14. My eyes are leaking, that was so touching! I’m glad I found you through the Madwoman :)

  15. Kristen Mae says:

    Holy shitballs that made me cry too! I’m already planning to be there next year. I’ll even help you plan/promote it! Awesome!

  16. Awwww! Water is shooting out of my fat face right now. There must be a leak in the bathroom above me. TOTALLY wish i coulda come – maybe someday:) Congratualtions on pulling it off like a rockstar!!

  17. “Right-On you dumb whore!” I just squandered my son’s nap looking at pictures and reading about an event I didn’t attend. I am NOT amazed at the beautiful event you organized because you have mad skills. What I am surprised at is that you organized this beautiful event while traveling all summer and going away every weekend.

  18. Kati says:

    Aw, and now I’m tearing up and I didn’t even get to be there! So glad HMM you are feeling the love and that woman are learning time for themselves is not selfish – it’s needed!

  19. Tina says:

    The lady that posted that she went alone. YOU ARE MY HERO. and She is DAMN RIGHT! Godd how I wish I went!

  20. I cried reading the letter too. I once came to the same realization that i too could travel and take time and it was the best thing i ever did for myself. I share in her joy and wish many more journeys. The weekend helped a lot of people. Glad to have been part of it.

  21. chewylicious says:

    wow…that was beautiful, your whole blog post and that beautiful letter. i write only to see if i can find a community that i could be a part of …sometimes i get lonely and well blogging makes it feel a little better.

  22. How wonderful you had such a meaningful affect on so many people and especially that last woman. I didn’t make the event, but it sounds like a blast.

  23. Victoria says:

    Love, Love, Love your site!! Its so good to meet moms that speak their minds and are able to rant about motherhood! Sometimes its good to have no filter and really things out in the world!!! Im a new stay at home mom and I recently started a blog called Generation Moms, about surviving motherhood one day at a time and thats all it is sometimes is surviving! Your articles are great!!!

  24. My first time on your site and I am loving it Im not a mom yet Im not due until May 2013 but its good to hear stories from other moms (I feel clueless in this area)

  25. Late to the Party says:

    So I’m catching up on your posts as promised, and this one is pretty amazing… Wow. And I gave it up for a college football game–albeit already planned–but still a college football game. I’m in for next year… I’ll chair a committee if you need–maybe the dong distribution committee?
    I feel like I missed prom because I chose to study. Shit.

  26. Lisa C says:

    Didn’t hear about it til after the fact…my bff Cheri who commented way up there sent me the link about MMM the week of, and I didn’t click on it til the next week. We couldn’t have gone anyway, but I was thinking, “MILF…yeah, that’s us…and hey, we do a NOLA trip every yr, now we will plan it for then…why be only 2 MILFs in the Big Easy when you can be a million??!” Power in a pack! Still gonna be Sept or do you know yet? Have to work out the sched early unfortunately! Can’t wait!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      should be late september. i have a call with the Nola CVB this week to try to firm dates. ;)

  27. Jeanne' says:

    I want to start out by saying I just stumbled on to your blog. I will also lie and say I must be tired or pmsing or just plain emotional but what the hell… This post made me cry! Not the ugly snotty cry but cry none the less. (I hate crying) What a wonderful post! I can’t wait to read more!

  28. That is SO fantastic!!!!! And I experience the same….I’d much rather get a “Right-On you foolish whore!” than get actual compliments….but you have done an awesome factor, and you need to know it and discuss it! I will def. have to look into going to upcoming MMM’s!

  29. Veronica says:

    This is such a fantastic post. Bravo, HMM! May you change many more lives. I can only imagine how empowering this is for mothers who feel as though they can’t have their own lives. I will send every hot momma I know your way!

  30. Blair says:

    Ok….I don’t know you crazy bitches but am I correct in assuming that you are a bunch of moms that don’t suck and are actually fun/ funny/ interesting and have shit to talk about other than ironing your husbands shirts or your kids latest well baby visit??!?!?!? And did you all just get together for a weekend and get down on it? If so, I think I have a lady crush on all of you and may weep with joy. Kudos to you and your awesomeness. I am a new fan.

  31. laurel says:

    I just found your blog tonight, and so glad I did. You are hilarious. I’d say more…but I don’t want you to cry again. ;)

  32. lucy diamond says:

    I am glad you can let go sometimes.. This is what we need more of – moms letting go in a safe way.. get drunk sometimes :) flirt )

  33. You have a celebrity sickness! I am thinking of all these celebrities who are sick and tired of listening to compliments.. You are an awesome blogger, so your newly-acquired sickness is justified… oh wait, should I say a “dumb whore” :)

  34. Julie Jones says:

    First time visitor here and I it won’t be the last. WOW! I love this post. It made me laugh and it made me tear up. it’s a woman thing I guess… haha. keep up the good work you crazy bitch. haha

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      come to the 2013 MMM!! Sept 27-28… lots of time to save.. worth it.. i promise ;)

  35. [...] leaving the lobby of the hotel, the owner’s dogs came out to greet us.Trying to impress my Hot Mess Mom bestie for the last time, I decided to make friends with them. The three dogs came closer and as they did, [...]

  36. Came across you blog and had to tell you I love it. You are too funny!

  37. […] & Frivolity.   Everything you need to know about the event you can find HERE, HERE, and HERE.   Now.. onto the recap of the 2nd Annual Million MILF […]

  38. Stacey says:

    Wow. That last letter conjured up the biggest lump in my throat. Amazing.
    HMM – You’re an inspiration. You just never know how one little thing one person does affects another in a profound way. Not that your blog is “one little thing” at all! You know what I mean.

  39. Susan says:

    I’m not following you. I love your posts. Hilarious. I think I’m putting you on my blog roll.

    http://renewthewomaninyou.blogspot.com/

  40. Susan says:

    Umm, I meant to say I AM following you.. OOPS! Sorry

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