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Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, Family, Ramblings, Uncategorized » Golden Child?

Golden Child?

 

The Today Show featured a study this week saying that the majority of parents have a favorite child.   Jeffrey Kluger, the author of The Sibling Effect, says it is his belief that 95% of parents have a favored child, and the other 5% are lying.

THANK YOU MR. KLUGER!   My friends have given me hell for years because I openly admit that I have a favorite.  So does Seven.  (They are not the same child).

To be clear~ I LOVE all my children equally.  I wouldn’t say that I love them the same because they are very different children and I love different things about each one, but the amount of love I feel towards each child is equal.  They own my heart.   However, there is one who I like more.   He is the child that I would want to hang out with even if he wasn’t mine.  He’s just cool.

Seven has a very special relationship with Number One.  They spent the first two years together exclusively.  At the time, I worked days and Seven worked nights, so he was really the mommy.  Eleven years later, those two still have an unbreakable bond.  On the flip side, Number One is so much like me that he and I butt heads all the time.  I love him with all of my heart and he loves me back.  But when given the choice, he will always choose his daddy and his daddy will always choose him.

Number THREE is everyone’s favorite.  Truly..  Friends, extended family, strangers, teachers, check-out ladies at the grocery…  they all love Number Three.  And how can you not?  He has a cherubic face with the biggest, roundest brown eyes– – (picture that baby lemur in Madagascar).   He is also a pleaser.  So in addition to being absolutely precious, he is as sweet as can be with exceptional manners and an incredible sense of humor.

Which, brings us to Number Two,  or as I like to call him “The Golden Child”.    He is my favorite.  There.  I said it.  Outloud for the whole world to hear/ read.  But here’s the thing…  he wasn’t always my favorite.  I swear I think he became my favorite out of guilt.

When Number Two was born, he was such an easy baby.  He slept in his own crib, he napped for hours, he didn’t fuss, he didn’t need to be held constantly like Number One had, and he was totally content in a swing or bouncy chair, so we just kind of left him alone.   I mean, we loved him, but he was so low-maintenance that he allowed the majority of our focus to remain on Number One.   He got RSV at 4 months old and he was so sick.  Poor little peanut was a hot mess.  That is when I fell for him, and he became the focus of my world.  For a whole 2 months.  Then I found out I was pregnant again.   F* me!

So, I’m working full-time, I have an almost 3 year old, a 6 month old and I’m knocked up and feeling SHITTY….     When Number Two began to crawl, I watched horizontally from the couch.  Then stepped over him to go vomit.   I remember very little of the next few years.  Truly.   I do remember, however, feeling so guilty.  Poor Number Two.  He was never going to have the attention that Number One had.  He was never going to have alone time with his parents.  He was literally just squeezed in between his brothers.   I was determined not to give him “middle child syndrome” so when we moved into a bigger house, he got the largest room.  He always got new clothes, new bikes, etc.. .No hand me downs for my middle baby!

And then we had Number Three.  I had a 3 1/2 year old, a 15 month old, and a newborn.   This is exactly when Seven started traveling. (for weeks at a time).   I remember sitting in the glider nursing Number Three, Number Two on my lap drinking a bottle, and Number One came running to me and fell into the coffee table.  There was nothing I could do.  I couldn’t get up.  I was recovering from a C-section with 2 babies on my lap and my big boy was hurt and there was nothing I could do.  I started crying and I don’t think I stopped for days.   (It should be noted that had Seven been home, I would have performed a vasectomy on him myself right then and there).

At this point, I really did not care for Number Two.  Honestly.  He wasn’t talking, he couldn’t do anything by himself and he was UP MY ASS all of the time.   Number One was in pre-school and could converse with you like an adult.  Number Three was on the teat.   Number Two pointed and grunted and whined.

We had a nanny.  She clearly favored the baby.  One day I came home and Number Two was fussing and she was ignoring him and playing with the baby.  That was when it all clicked for me.   Immediately my heart swelled to 5 times its capacity (just like the Grinch.  Really.. I could feel it! )  and I fell head over heels for Number Two.   I don’t know why, I really don’t.  I’ve always had a soft spot for the underdog and I guess Number Two fit that bill.   I fired the nanny.

In the 5-6 years since then, Number Two has admittedly been my favorite.  I can’t help it.  We are so in love.  When he was little he would always say  “Mommy, I love you more than Daddy”   (“dude…he’s right there… he can hear you!”)  ..Academically, everything comes very easy to the other boys.  Number Two struggles in school but you have never seen a harder worker.  He makes me so proud every day.    Socially~ he is a savant.  I swear he is the funniest, kindest, wackiest kid you could know.  All the kids love Number Two.  He walks around that school high-fiving teachers, janitors, older kids and Kindergarteners..  He wears a fedora.

I like him as a person.   I like my other boys too ( I do really have exceptionally cool kids), but there is just something about Number Two.  And yes.. I think it was primarily motivated by guilt but now he’s just got a special  peice of  my heart.  ( I should thank that white-trash nanny)

Seven and I both try to spend one-on-one time with all three of the boys.  We are a very close family and my boys are extremely close to each other.    Our family group has many different configurations.  However, if you asked them about THEIR favorites, their responses would be the same as ours.    Number One would choose Daddy.  Number Two would choose Mommy, and Number Three would say he loves us all the same AND Mimi AND Papa AND Nanan AND Grandpa AND Miss Muffy AND the lady at the grocery…

 

I would LOVE the hear your comments on this…..  do you have a favorite?  do you admit it?  do you think I’m terrible for putting it in writing?  (don’t judge me! :)

 

 

 

 


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69 Responses to "Golden Child?"

  1. Savannah says:

    I will say that number two is special! And hot. There I said it! Your middle son will be the lady killer! And he is so sweet. I love how he takes care of my number two (daughter). He is charming and sensitive, and has a mean sense of style.
    I can also say that I don’t think I have a favorite. But I only have two. SO I don’t have that swing child to favor.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Maybe you don’t but your husband does!

  2. Muffy says:

    1. When I saw that story on the news, I immediately thought of you. And how self-righteous you would feel.
    2. I truly do not have a favorite. I think it’s different when you only have two, and they are different genders. Or maybe it’s because they are so incredibly different, with such monumentally different needs. Or maybe it’s because I feel tremendous guilt about how each has suffered, but again, in different ways. I dunno.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      I wouldn’t say “self-righteous”… I’d say “validated”
      And yes..your circumstances are very different.
      But that’s okay.. I have a favorite of your children… ;)

  3. Savannah says:

    Absolutley my husband does. A few years ago after coming out of surgery he opened his eyes and looked at me. I thought he would be happy to see me. But all he said was, “Where’s Alex? Is She OK?” I said “Yes, she’s fine. Your mom has her.” And he asked if he could talk to her on the phone because, “I just can’t breathe without her”.

  4. Kar says:

    Today my daughter is my favorite since my son put a fruit cheerio up his nose.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      hee hee!! poor karen….. how’d it go at the docs?

  5. Kelley says:

    On the contrary, I don’t think you’re terrible for putting it in writing…I think you are incredibly brave. I just can’t bring myself to put it in writing. Not that it’s not there, but just can’t take it from the brain to the fingertips.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Kelley- Thank you. I wouldn’t say brave. Just honest. And frankly, I don’t really feel bad about it. If we treated them differently or less affectionately, I would feel terrible. But we don’t. ( or at least I don’t think we do) Thank you for the kind words and for your support of this site !

  6. Krista says:

    I tried to post this once and lost my connection.. Boo….
    I remember reading to #2 in Kindergarten centers and I remember what a sweet boy he was! I had a favorite before I had my third, so it’s possible. But I did feel bad about it all the time bc my father could care less about me and I was his only child, so I know how it feels to be unfavored by your flesh and blood. I think it’s great that you posted this bc I think we all think it, whether it be a million times or a flippant thought. My recent favorite favors daddy, so that’s a buzz kill…. Like u said, the love is equal, but if you had to be friends with one who would you pick?? I love all mine so much, they are the best of me and I feel special to have them all. Good post, my mess of a hot mom friend!!!

  7. K-dawg says:

    Good for you for being so candid. As the oldest of two children growing up with parents (mainly my mother) who “played favorites” so obnoxiously and obscenely I REALLY appreciate you saying, “the amount of love I feel towards each child is equal.” I think that’s the key. You can love your children in different ways but it needs to be equal. Or at least fake it enough so the child you can’t stand doesn’t pick up on it until they are older, on their own and can finally pay for their own therapy. FFS.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      K-dawg… My kids will have enough to discuss in therapy.. hopefully my love won’t be one of their issues :) No need to fake it with those boys.. . Love love love them.. But as they grow into actual real people, I’m assuming I’ll have times of liking each one the most… only time will tell ;)

  8. RookieMom says:

    Love the post.. You have found a very unique way to approach the situation with your kids and you make no exceptions for your feelings which I love. If I had more than one child I seem to think there would be a favorite but would cringe at the repercussions of them reading it or dicovering it (again, just not as brave a you). Keep doing what you do! Your parenting and antics are a constant topic of mine during dinner with the Hub. Thanks

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Thanks Tracy! By the time they read this, I’m sure none of it will come as a surprise. In my family, I always knew that I was my dad’s favorite and my sister was my mom’s. It wasn’t a bad thing. We were both loved equally by two great parents… It just was… we knew it. We didn’t resent it. As I replied to a comment earlier, I’m sure as they grow and turn into even more real people, I;ll have phases of liking one’s personality more than the others.. I fully expect it to change and be fluid over the years.. We;ll see !

  9. Cause they’re boys! and cause they’re still young… if you had a house full of teenage girls.. one, you wouldn’t like any of them, two, the only chance of liking one would be the one that acted like she liked you … at the moment

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      ha! Thank God for little boys!!!

  10. Chrissy says:

    Wow. #2? wasnt he the one that packed his bags and wanted to run away this summer because u were so boring? Lol. For me, i have 2 favorites, a favorite son and a favorite daughhter and very lucky those are all the kids i have!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Chrissy- I’m calling bullshit on you… if you don’t have a favorite yet, you will when Meg becomes more of a real person ;) BTW~ Seven says that you are HIS favorite of my friends.. ( he must be drunk)

      1. Hot Mess Mom says:

        oh, and yes… Number Two did threaten to run away this summer.. That post is already written, just not up yet ;)

  11. Karen Cox says:

    I don’t actually have a favorite, but I do have a favorite for different things. My son (14), a male virgo… very loving, loves attention but also very anal.. like me.. when I want to just hang & snuggle, he’s the one, & we love to criticize people & commercials. My daughter (12 going on 30), well she wouldn’t even let me kiss her good-bye on her first day of kindergarten (my son still does). She is just plain brutally honest.. told me I could be a plus size model, WTH??, even took a picture of my butt as I was doing the dishes to tell me how BAD my butt looked in the pants I was wearing, but I gotta love her honesty… we love to do girl things together & that is my favorite part about her… ;-)

  12. Daisey says:

    You’re right on with this post. Not many have the gonads that it takes to be totally honest regarding this topic. I can tell you that I have a favorite. I can also tell you that your favorite will change during those wonderful puberty years. My children are now ages 26, 24,23, & 21(next month).I can also testify that there will be a time that ALL OF THEM will do best to just stay far from an arms reach! At different stages, note: a stage can last a few years or just a month, I have had different favorites. Each child has their own STAR quality but at different times shine more. This does not in any way mean I love any of the others less. It means that there is a compatibility with one that just jives the best with my personality and my tolerance for whatever they were throwing my way at the time. I lived at the schools(not by choice) and my crew were known to all as the Sweetest Child, the Clone, the Terror,& the Smart ONE.9 times out of 10 I was there for the Holy Terror. We are a very open, LOUD, opinionated family.. that was also the fact at the school.. You cannot be thin skinned and survive this brood. Each child has been a favorite at one time and maybe was even lucky enough to be Moms & Dads favorite at the same time. But to be totally honest the “Terror”( far from Golden) was and is my favorite most of the time. But having a favorite can have its downside..you may begin to despise them…like when they get married and then need somewhere to live until the house is built and they never leave!!! OMG its been a year already! Anyway..kudos for being honest about the Golden Child!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      That is so funny! Yes.. I intend to have a strict “No moving back home” policy! And I totally expect for each child to fall in and out in favor. As a matter of fact, this very instant, I despise all three of them. So there! ;)

  13. Stephanie says:

    I absolutely have a favorite- my daughter. I don’t make excuses or apologies for it either. It’s no secret. The boys know it and so does my husband. But, she’s everybody’s favorite. She is literally my heart walking around outside my body. I am head-over-heels in love with her. She’s beautuful, sweet, ans so smart. Plus, she’s my only normal child. Paul had ADHD and was a nightmare. He was a colicy baby and difficult child. It was impossible to please him. He would even bitch when I took him to Disney. I was very in love with him when he was little, which is why he’s lived to see 17. Gavin has Asperger’s. He is extremely difficult. He can complain about absolutely anything. If you gave him an ice cream cone he’d bitch that it was cold. He has major meltdowns several times a day. He can be cute and is frequently funny, but mostly he sucks the life out of me. Rhiannon has been an angel since the day she was born. She was an easy baby and she never even had terrible twos or threes. She is happy most of the time. She entertains me with all of her antics. I love listening to her play. She always has some kind of high drama going on. And I love watching her checking herself out in the mirror. She has great self esteem. She is so charming. Because they also favor her, the boys don’t mind her being my favorite. I love all three of them equally. If I was put in a situation where I had to save one of them and the others would die (like Sophie’s Choice), I would rather we all die together than choose only one. So, I don’ think it’s wrong to have a favorite. They are people. Some people you just like more than others.

  14. Chelsea says:

    I totally relate to this on several levels, and the comments! My husband SO favors our youngest daughter (we have 4, 2 of each). She’s adorable and 4 and the feisty one. She’s also the one most like me, so maybe I should take that as a compliment? I, however, like and relate more to my boys (they are 6 and 13). They are the ones that think i’m the “cool mom” for torching pumpkins on halloween, and they are just all around easy guys. Our oldest (14 yr old girl) has long since been the favorite of the grandparents, and we love her as much as the others but let’s face it, she’s a teenage girl that no one likes to be around much at the moment. So yeah, we play favorites. We also have been known to tell our kids that life is not fair and they shouldn’t expect it to be. Judge me?

  15. Jayne says:

    I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out if I have a favorite and would I care or feel bad if I did. It’s just different. She’s 10 and wonderful, but a girl with drama. I cant wait till we can hang out and go on girl trips. They are 7, boys and fabulous, but no “middle” child thing going on.

    It’s not easy, but man those precious fun times, moments, comments, hugs, quotes and giggles can’t be beat!

    I just wish our kids could hang out more!

  16. Jennifer says:

    I absolutely have a favorite. My youngest daughter is the cuddliest, sweetest child who will tell anyone she loves me the best. Not to say I don’t love my oldest daughter insanely….she is just beginning her hormonal, everything aggravates me stage….and she is sooooooo like me. I can’t believe I survived to have children. Please don’t think I’m an awful mom :-)

  17. Kristi says:

    I tell my husband and my friends ALL THE TIME that my son is my favorite. Hands down, he is my favorite. (Sorry, I’m a little late reading this post. It’s a slow day at work today, so I’m entertaining myself with the interwebss.)

    My daughter is so much like me that it kills me. Kills me, I say. She is so moody and grumpy and so demanding. I hate it. It’s me in a seven year old’s body, but not me at the same time! If you look at her the wrong way, she breaks down, runs away and cries. My son, on the other hand, is just loveable and sqeezeable. All he wants is a movie and some snacks. He doesn’t read into things the way my semi-pre-teen daughter does.

    Puberty is going to be a bitch. I’m moving out. And I’m taking my son with me!

  18. Twinks Mama says:

    I am just catching up on your blog and I have to say I love you! I am #2 in my family. Everyone adored my older sister and my little brother. Somehow I was left in the back burner. So I fit the description of yes I can get straight A’s, but why bother. I am and always have been daddy’s girl. He will openly admit that I am indeed his favorite. I always favor my daddy even though I know he may be mad at me or disappointed I always knew my daddy loved me. My mom never understood our bond. Now being a mother to an 11 year old and 9 month old twins. I get it.

    I have a very special bond with my oldest, no one will ever change that. He knows it, the whole world knows it. The twins will never replace him in my heart. I had secondary infertility and I still know they will never replace my #1. Until the twins where born. I don’t favor one twin over the other. I have noticed that everyone favors my smaller twin. He had health issues since in the womb. Caused everyone to feel sorry for him. So everyone including my husband, grand parents, and my oldest to favor him. Leaving my chunky monkey to fend on his own. The chunky one is like my #1 reincarnated. He looks just like my oldest did at that age. I am head over heels in love with him. I just feel so bad for him. It’s not his fault his identical twin was ill in the womb. If they both cry my husband will pick up little one over chunks. I can’t help but feel so sorry for him. So I grab him. Now he doesn’t care for anyone and doesn’t want anyone, but his mama.

  19. Robin says:

    Hey there,
    I enjoyed this article. It was fabulous! I have just discovered your blog, and I am having a lot of fun reading you.
    But, I don’t have a favourite among my 4 kids.
    My dad always believed that he was his mother’s favourite because she doted on him, but I always thought my Grandma was overcompensating because she found him to be the most annoying :)
    Anyone do that? Sometimes I do that with my oldest when he drives me bonkers.
    Anyways, great blog, and great site.

  20. Andrea says:

    Amen on all points. And I think we may be living parallel lives.

    I have three boys: 9, 6 & 5. We call them One, Two & Three. The middle one is so awesome I’m afraid he will shun me for the cool kids in junior high. I’m intimidated. One & Three excel academically. Two works semi-successfully at it. On the other hand, Two has been almost completely self sufficient since he was about 18 months old. He had to be – One was used to being waited on hand and foot and Three needed all of the infant attention.

    I’m going to follow you now not only because you’re hilarious, but also because you’re two years further along in this process. I look forward to seeing where I’m going to be!

    A mutual friend directed me to you – I went to grade school with him. He said you went to college together. I love how the world works!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      it’s quite a ride, huh?? Good Luck! I think there are many of ‘us’ out there!!
      Thanks for following! Hopefully you can learn from mistakes! ( of which there are many!)…..
      Who’s our friend? Intitials are fine.. or you can email me at hotmessmom.com@gmail.com

  21. I can’t believe I missed this post until now. Great topic and a fine way to approach it.
    My oldest will always be my favorite, because he came first and he has such a gentle way about him. He’s very thoughtful and treats his younger siblings very well, and they in turn look up to him like crazy. And they have every reason to. His life hasn’t been the easiest, with his bout with anxiety, but he won over it and is thriving.
    Is it weird for a mom to sometimes find herself in awe of her eight-year-old son?

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      i don’t think so. I catch myself staring in awe and my kids all of the time. ( that is when I am not secretly wanting to beat them with a hammer). It’s always awe-inspiring when they do something “human”. Not something you taught them, not something a child would do,,, but just something that comes totally from THEM.. love !

  22. Trish says:

    So, since I’m new to your blog, and find it wonderfully awesome, I wanna add my comments too (even if it’s way after the fact). I favor my daughter. (I have 1 boy and 1 girl 1 yr and 3.5 weeks apart) It started in utero :) I found out she had a blockage in her kidney, so I wanted to suffocate her with affection, just in case. She never slept unless I held her (is 4.5 and still doesn’t sleep thru the night), she never pooed, I could never set her down long enough to go to the bathroom myself. For a long time I was afraid I would resent her because of it. I was always worried about her though. I’m not one to freak out about things (though I cry about EVERYTHING) but don’t you think it’s abnormal for a 1-month old to not have a BM for 13 days? Yeah, so she was in and out of the doctors for months and months, and with her kidneys, we had frequent trips to the hospitals too (i seriously never lived closer than 1.5 hrs from a major hospital)… needless to say, she and I had a lot more bonding time, and I tended to leave my son out. He was a quiet baby… he was a gooooooood baby. I could lie him on the floor or put him in his swing, and he would be content long enough for me to prepare an entire meal, and then some… when it was just him and me, I adored him, and even when i didn’t have to hold him, I played with him and talked to him and sung (or is it sang… i never know) to him. And with both of them, I tried to make up for the fact that they don’t have their other 50% of DNA in their lives. Now, my mom and dad live close by, and my son wants nothing to do with me, and wants to spend all his free time with grandpa, while my daughter is still my hemorrhoid. I don’t know if it’s normal, but sometimes I don’t “understand” my son, because truthfully, he is SOOOO much like my brother (whom I did NOT get along with until we were adults)so, while I admit I have a favorite, I struggle with my own guilt over it everyday.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      welcome! wonderful comment.. and I feel for you.. it’s hard. Your son is also incredbily blessed to have his grandpa close by and experience that bond with him. That is very special..especially with no sperm-donor. ;)

  23. Kristen says:

    I wonder if I do. I don’t think I do, but I do have more extreme emotions about my firstborn. He makes me SCREAM and he makes me feel such random soaring joy when I least expect it – I just look at him and think, OMG, this kid is so amazing and I love him so much.
    My second child, she’s fantastic, I get the soaring joy, I sometimes scream, but I feel like I’m not so much on a rollercoaster with her.
    So I really don’t know. The evidence could point either way. Honestly, I think since I only have two and they aren’t the same gender, my mind doesn’t feel the need to pick favorites. They’ve got their own niches.

  24. Melissa says:

    Huh…good question. I don’t think I have a favorite. I have only two children, six years apart and different genders. When my oldest daughter started school, my son was born. So they both had alone mom time. I do believe that I have favorite moments with each of my children. Having a 17 year old and an 11 year old, its hard to pick a favorite because they are SOOO different in personality, the way they think, they way they interact with me and with others. Maybe if they were closer in age I might have a favorite. If my life depended on it this week, I wouldn’t be picking the reckless teen who is ATTEMPTING to do whatever the feck she wants. I would pick the child who just earned his Cub Scout Arrow of Light in a cool ass ceremony. But that is this week… next week could be a different script altogther.

  25. Interesting outlook on this topic, however both of my children are golden in my eye!

  26. joe moe says:

    My favorite was always my boy Daniel (AKA Danny, Dan the Man, Danny-boy, etc.)He was a pleaser, a class clown, the youngest (until he was 10 when he had another brother come along). I keep saying “was” because he got into a motorcyle accident in 2010 when he was 17 and he “didn’t make it” as I was told. But I’m like you with feeling the same as far as love, but as far as coolness factor. Dan was always smiling, hugging, joking, playing his electric guitar on his big ass amp WAY loud, rocking the house. There was a total love in his heart and never found anyone who had a bad thing to say about him. As several Of his friends told me: “Danny was our Dr. Phil”. You could talk to him and he would listen, with or without advice, and with no judgementalism (if that’s a word). Hopefully, I’m not way out in left field with this but I damn sure know what you mean when you say you like a kid because he is “the shit” as they say. That was how it was and will always be…

  27. Kidz shack says:

    I believe every child have Their own unique personality.. It is just how the parent treat them the same way of love and care.. thank you for sharing about your Idea..

  28. Kidz Shack says:

    Me as a mother of 3, I believed that I treated my kids equally with no favoritism. I always see to it that none of them would feel that he/she is less loved and cared than the other.

  29. Kristin says:

    HA! #2 sounds like a great kid. I only have one child so no favourites yet. Part of me wonders if loving another child THIS MUCH is even remotely possible (although I suspect it is).

  30. Mayor Gia says:

    Hehhehe, good for you for picking the one who usually gets the least amount of attention! I”m sure if I had kids, I’d have a fave.

  31. Adrienne says:

    That’s a tough one. I think I go back and forth between the two. I have a 13 year old and a 7 year old. Sometimes I feel bad b/c I think I spend more time with the little one. I think it’s natural though.

  32. Cathy says:

    Do you remember the commercial for AT&T where the parents have two kids..one a beautiful little girl and a bushy haired little boy. They turn to each other and announce they should say the name of their favorite child at the same time. They both say the little girls name. Your post reminded me of that. LOL

  33. Ado says:

    OK so my whole life I suspected my mom had a favorite (and it wasn’t me) and I only just realized, now, reading your fab post, that she did! And that I am probably one of the 5% who are lying that they don’t!
    Great post. (-:

  34. My favorite part of this post is when you described your heart growing like the Grinch….perfection!!!
    I think it’s natural for moms to have different feelings towards each child……

  35. Honest post from the heart. What were your kids’ reactions? Ellen

  36. jamie says:

    I love your honesty, hot mess mama! We don’t have kids yet, but i’ll look out for favouritism when those little ones do come along :) thanks for the heads up.

  37. I agree, and good on you for being so honest! I do have a favorite, but it changes. Sometimes hourly. Sometimes the dog is my favorite. (But not today because he peed on my carpet. Anyone who pees on the floor gets automatically booted to the bottom of the list.)

  38. Delilah says:

    I love this post. I’ve tried for years to explain to people tht while I love my children equally, I love them differently. I don’t think it’s possible for me to love them the same ways because they are all so different. People look at me like I have 2 heads when I make such a statement.

    1. Buffy says:

      OMG the same thing happens to me! I have 4, twin boys that are 23, daughter 18 and 15 year old son. I have told people before that I love all of my children equally but in different ways and there are not many people that can understand that. Even my husband (their step-dad) tells me that’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard and it makes no sense. It makes perfect sense to me.

  39. Kathy Kramer says:

    My son is an only child, so he is my favorite. :)

    I’m not saying this next part to make you feel bad, but there were favorites in my house, and I wasn’t it. It still works that way. Except in my case, my parents won’t say it, but their favoritism was very blatant and hurtful. Plus they are in denial. I think this is why my son is an only child. I was terrified of doing to him what was done to me.

    Kudos to you for saying it out loud.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Like I said, I don’t LOVE any of them less.. I just LIKE one of them more. And I’m okay with that. I don’t think it’s permanent. I’m sure he’ll eventually act like an asshole and one of his brothers will be awesome and then HE’ll be the Golden Child for a period. I think it’s a sliding scale ;)

  40. Pish Posh says:

    Everyone has a favorite :) This is refreshingly honest. It hurts when you find out you’re NOT the favorite, but if you’re healthy you get over it. Because sometimes, you later become the favorite ;)

  41. I totally have a favorite. I love my child (I only have one) way more than my husband. No, wait. Like you, I love them equally. I just have more fun with my son. Because he’s 3. And he’s home more. And he truly believes I am super awesome. He doesn’t complain when I don’t load the dishwasher properly.

    But like I said, I love them both ;) If I am finally blessed enough to make a second baby, I will just have to grow a bigger heart too!

  42. At my mother’s funeral, I made a joke during my speech about having been her favorite kid (out of 3). Later that night, back at the house, one of her friends came up to me and told me that I was right. She had told her. It made my world.

  43. Jackie says:

    My kids are too young yet for a favorite to emerge.

  44. I only have one. He’s definitely my favorite. But I can see a parent liking children better. Just people are related doesn’t mean their personalities mesh – certainly there are people you click with more than others. I can totally understand that!

  45. [...] what if I have a favorite child? I’m glad Hot Mess Mom and I have something in common. It makes me feel good to know that I’m not the only momma out there to have a favorite. I love [...]

  46. Euro Mom says:

    Mine are girls, but the age gap is about the same. Born within three-and-a-half-years of each other, and number two and three only 13-months apart. You have a few years on my though, since my youngest is only three-months.
    Those paragraphs about being pregnant with the third and right after giving birth – I’m living that right now! I’ve felt guilty since I found out I was pregnant with the third! Worried about “the-middle-child-syndrome”, and about her and I connecting (oldest can communicate and the baby is all cute and baby-smelling). Reading this makes me feel really happy! Maybe I will have something special with number two as well!

  47. erica says:

    I feel ya! I tell myself I don’t have a favorite but I do. He is the one I take to the grocery store because he’s the one least likely to make me scream in the middle of a crowded store. But I also have a different “favorite” to say take on boring errands because he’s entertaining and funny. My oldest, who knows how to make his mom cry, has said in the past “I don’t want to feel like I’m in the way” wow.seriously?
    because I asked you to take out the f-ing garbage? yeah, he knows ALLLL the buttons.
    I guess I’m saying that you don’t love your kids all the same because they aren’t the same. It’s okay to say I love this ones humor, this ones silliness, and this ones logic and independence. I love all my kids equally but in different ways. My oldest would be a monster if I didn’t let him be the independent kid he is. If I smothered him and cuddled with him constantly…in the same token my little one who NEEDS that attention, just to be who he is…would freak out if at four I taught him to make a sandwich…the way oldest insisted at that age. We try to give them what they need. What works for them. It isn’t always what we want for them but we do what we have to make sure they come out okay. My middle is clearly the most like me. He has a trigger temper and at times it’s all his world and we are just supporting cast members. But he’s the one I would take to help me shop for shoes.
    I get sad that mine are so big now. No more cuddling on the couch…but little often comes and lays by our feet just to be close to us while we watch TV. I get big hugs when my medium leaves or comes in the door…but my Big? Unless he’s been gone a week I’m an afterthought. I miss those sticky little hands, and kisses that involve him taking both of those sticky hands on my cheeks and pulling me in for a smooch. I miss the “I wuv u mommy”‘s
    wow guess this went in a whole different direction.
    I guess I just need to say…remember. write it down because you won’t. I get asked once in awhile…what superpower would you want? (yeah you gotta have interesting friends)..and I always say I wish I could remember each and every day of my life and not just signifigant moments. You’ll blink and it will be gone. Trust me, I know.

  48. JacJac says:

    I realize this is an older post but I stumbled across your blog this morning and it was exactly what I needed. I have 3 boys 4, 2 and 9 months and most days feel like no one understands. I don’t have a favorite right now, my favorite is whoever isn’t crying or whining or screaming. I can’t wait to read more….

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      ooooo lady! do I have some posts for you!!

      read THIS
      and THIS

  49. [...] him.  I’m even trying to bribe him.  He’s having none of it.   He’s losing his Golden Child status quickly.   We live in a neighborhood of cute.  Everyone is cute.  Moms are cute, Dads are [...]

  50. nikke says:

    OMG, I have a favorite.I try my best to give each of my 3 the same attention. when I read the words “golden child”, i knew I had to respond. Golden child is #1. She was always with me. Still is most of tje time. #2 has disabilities so he always gets what he wants to keep him happy. #3 is daady’s girl she can do no wrong in his eyes. the three of them argue who gets most of my attention and it is #1 hands down. loving all 3 of them is unconditional. It is so true. #1 calls #3 the bratt, #3 calls #1 the golden child, while #2 just minds his business. Yet right now #2 has been with me since he goes to another school and instead of dropping him off he gets shuffled to whatever destination i have for #1(he hates it). #3 gets picked up by dad from school. #3 and I had issues from day 1. I had pregnancy depression and post pardom depression. that chiod would cry and wine, and I had #2 getting into everthing. #1 was so good and passive. she became his little mamma. Its unbelievable how if you look at my children1and 2

  51. nikke says:

    …look exactly like me and 3 looks,is shaped, has the same complection as my husband. like he made her by himself. His favorite is her and #1 cant stand it. #2 has always felt that he is my favorite, always comes to me.By the way #1 and #2 butt heads….lol

  52. [...] Two (aka: The Golden Child) is growing up.  He’s not always perfect anymore.  Sometimes he lies.  Last week he was [...]

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