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Hot Mess Mom » Family, I may be PMSing..., Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » Your musical talent is making me suicidal ™

Your musical talent is making me suicidal ™

 

Dear Number One,

I love you dearly.  You are a good boy.  And you have great musical talent.  But holy hell, take that $6 recorder from music class and shove it up your ass.   No, I’m not kidding.

I cannot take another second.  I cannot.  I know you are playing Ode to Joy (very well, I might add), but all that is penetrating my brain is which would be the fastest way to kill myself this instant.   Pills would take too long, and I don’t own a gun, so I’m thinking I’ll slit my throat.  Yes, that’s it.  I will slit my throat if I have to hear one more shrill note blown through that plastic peice of shit.   And I don’t love pain, or the sight of blood, and the kitchen is white and your brothers will be scarred forever, so can we please just save a life and CUT IT OUT with the flute??

You’re almost 11.  Go play the skin flute.  It’s quiet and you can do it in your room.

Love,

Mama


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21 Responses to "Your musical talent is making me suicidal ™"

  1. Brantleysmommy says:

    LOL as always! Gotta love Recorder Karate 🙂

  2. Katie says:

    We have a very strict policy that recorders are only meant to be played at school policy. I tie my own ribbons on her recorder, Recorder Karate is total bullshit. Plus my ribbons are cuter.

  3. savannah says:

    Holy crap! The Skin Flute? Dear lord, I can hardly wait for that HmM blog post! Mother of the year 😉

  4. Kelley says:

    Ahhhh, the recorder!! It was Hot Cross Buns over here!! 60,000 times and every time it was out of key!!!!! Poke me in the eye!!!!!!!

    1. RyanQ says:

      Oh the humanity – Hot Cross Buns for weeks, and WEEKS!

  5. Mendy says:

    I am so glad those days are behind me. Madison had to go outside to practice. It simply was not allowed in the house. How about earplugs?

  6. fam's mom says:

    i’ll trade you for one day! my one, and only, plays . . . accordion, saxophone, piano, guitars, plural, and banjo!!! (i’m probably forgetting a few, since i try my hardest to tune them out), he has them all in one room and goes from instrument to instrument for hours!!! did i mention he is a morning person and this begins at 6 AM and picks up right when he walks in the door from the bus!!! 🙂

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Mine play piano also. And #3 is learning guitar. But it’s the SHRILLNESS of that flipping recorder that makes me crazy. ugh. (and ps~ your kid is cool 😉

  7. NicolleDPhotography says:

    THERE ARE NO WORDS! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Skin flute=quiet ROFLLLLLLL!!!!!! Holy hell.

  8. For the love of GOD…you are my new best therapist… I feel almost damn warm and fuzzy when you write something I think I am the only mother who thinks… I am not alone =)

  9. kkgab says:

    Hilarious, possibly my favorite yet! I sat down to have coffee with Mark (rare occasion) just after reading this and could not get the mug to my lips because I was convulsing in laughter!!

  10. Kelly says:

    HOLY SH*T I”M CRYING!!!!

  11. Laura says:

    Shrieking with laughter. Skin flute…OMG!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Laura~ BLESS YOU for getting that! I swear.. I got so many comments on alternative instruments… I don’t think most people “got” the skin flute comment 😉 xoxo

  12. Sami says:

    Perhaps Number One could find a new instrument, so that his mother does not suffer a ‘breakdown’…The transition from the recorder to the trombone was rough at first, but I much prefer the trombone…
    Good luck…

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      yes… it’s the SHRILLNESS that kills me…

  13. Stephanie says:

    I couldn’t count the number of those that have disappeared in my house. I now know better than to send money to school when the little ones ask.

  14. Kim says:

    Dying over here because I have an 11 yr. old girl that plays Bieber songs on the piano…ALL DAY long! UGGHHH…..hopping over from ftf…-Kim http://bbunchmama.blogspot.com/2012/02/sleep-is-overrated-anyways.hmlt

  15. Anna says:

    Oh my dear lord – the skin flute? HA!!!!!

    Thanks for linking up!

  16. Julie Oliver says:

    I just spent 45 minutes looking for this article because my middle daughter has taken on the recorder with a vengeance! I never saw, heard, or even knew that my oldest had one, although I paid for it so I assume he did. But Betsy has made practicing the recorder her job. The screech of Hot Cross Buns is engraved in my brain. She practices and makes notes in her “music” book and cleans it and has actually slept with it. So after a private concert tonight for five of us, I needed to laugh. Thank to! I can now truly appreciate this post! Xo

  17. vicky says:

    Hahahahaha I was just thinking the other day the recorder is the worst ‘instrument’ in existence. My daughter is 4 and I’m scared she is gonna come home from school brandishing the devil’s pipe and destroy ny already limited sanity!!!

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