Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, I may be PMSing..., Ramblings, Things that are NOT awesome » Your douchiness is a huge disappointment to me
Your douchiness is a huge disappointment to me
I love Facebook. I do. This blog was started because I was such a Facebook addict and posted all of my ridiculous shit daily. Eventually, my friends convinced me to get a larger forum.. and….Viola’…. Hot Mess Mom was born. But that’s not the point. The point is that I love Facebook! I refused to join forever citing “I don’t want half the friends I have now, much less the ones I had twenty years ago”. And I was firm on that stance. Until people that I had completely forgotten about came crawling of the woodwork and I remembered how much I actually liked them. OR people that I didn’t like, or didn’t know, or was too snobby to acknowledge came around and I realized that I liked them too! (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.. the way into my pants heart is a good sense of humor… So if you are funny.. I’m yours).
I have a pretty steadfast “no friend request” rule. I generally do not send friend requests. I feel like if you want me, you know where to find me (well, ya’ll don’t but other people do). However, occasionally, there is a person from past that pops into my mind or someone that I have thought of often over the years, and I just have to track them down. On the few occasions that I’ve done this, I have been giddy with excitement upon finding them and starting to reconnect. In most cases, we have moved forward as if no time has passed~~ rekindling our mutual love for each other, music, parties, or any other thing our teenage/ 20-something selves bonded over. Lots of old bartending/ waitressing friends have been found this way (shout out to my Blueberry Hill loves ) and it’s been wonderful.
So, here’s what sucks. Finding someone that you loved (not romantically or sexually), loved because they were super cool or clever or smart or funny. Loved because they took care of you when you were a hot mess. Someone that you lost touch with but always remembered fondly as such a wonderful person. Finding that person, friending that person, and then realizing that that person is a douche. And not just a tad douchy… Full fledged Summer’sEve fresh scented douchebag. It’s very disappointing to me. And sometimes there is a fine line between cool and douchey or Intellectual and pompous. Sometimes what you THINK is philisophical makes me want to bash your head in with a tack hammer.
Examples:
- picture of yourself with a cocktail at sunset. COOL
- picture of yourself with a cocktail at sunset accompanied by some philosophical quote that pertains to neither the sunset nor yourself….. DOUCHY
- Occasionally including quotes from historians or literature or philosophers as a status update… TOLERABLE
- ALWAYS including quotes from persons other than yourself (none of which are funny)…. DOUCHY
- Profile picture of you with friends or family… COOL
- Profile picture of you alone laughing or having fun or on an amazing trip with exotic location in background… COOL
- Profile picture of you alone…gazing off into the distance as if your intelligence is almost too heavy a load to carry… DOUCHY
- Occasional pictures of yourself in a bathing suit while at the beach, on a cruise, or other vacation destination…. COOL
- Every fucking picture you post.. in a bathing suit, or shirtless… sometimes in your front yard… DOUCHY
- Never ever ever having one single thing of your own to add to the world wide web..only borrowing verse from others… DOUCHY
- Not being funny. Ever. … INTOLERABLE
I cannot say anymore without giving away douchebag identities. However, I promise you…if I could cut and paste some of this shit you would understand.
And again..here’s the rub… These are people that I REALLY liked. What happened?? Clearly my judgement and people-reading skills are spot on, so it must be them…
Would it be wrong to comment on the next status update (which I’m sure will be plagiarized from Wordsworth or Aeschylus or Aristotle or Emerson or Khafka)… “your douchiness is a huge disappointment to me” ? ‘Cuz I’m thinking if writing that is wrong.. I don’t want to be right.
 | If you liked this post, please consider leaving a comment, share, or subscribe to RSS feed |
Filed under: Dear Diary, I may be PMSing..., Ramblings, Things that are NOT awesome
RELATED POSTS & INTERESTSMy trip to the liquor storeI think "life lesson", my boys think "homeless man's toilet water"I had a slow leak (not a metaphor) and now I need a wife.This is how Seven & I fightMy house may actually get CLEAN today! |
Requesting an amendment:
Posting that you’ve had a rough day… Telling a funny anecdote about it or saying you need a big drink. – COOL
CONSTANTLY posting how miserable your F’in life is (making me want to kill myself) – DOUCHEY!!!
agreed!
Amen!
Oh my god, I triple dog dare you to respond like that! That would be HI-LAR-I-OUS! I can’t stand the people who put super tragic things that have happened to them, on there for all the worlds to see. I saw someone posting about her husband dying, hours after he died. And not to inform her friends and family, but just to “share”. I want to think that if my husband died, I wound’t be ON facebook for a long time. Thanks for the laughs!
Kim
http://www.mytwintasticlife.com/
What is the female version of a douche assuming only men can be classified as douches?
I’m going with universal douchiness. Mostly I’m speaking of men, but I know a few douchy broads…
Feel better now? I can post some Dr. Suess or Shel Silverstein quotes if that will help.
yes. i feel better now. again.. not so much pissy as just disappointed.. we loved him, remember??
This may not qualify as “douchy”, but it drives me nuts when people dump the contents of their camera on Facebook, complete with the blurry shots and the pictures of their thumb over someone’s face and the pictures that are crooked or of the inside of their purse or something. For crying out loud, how hard is it to look at the pictures first and choose the post the ones that actually look ok?!
And the game requests…my god, the GAME REQUESTS!!!
well, now you’re talking poor Facebook ettiquette, which is a different beast entirely!
I actually had to block a “friend” (and I use that term loosely) because she commented on everything, and I mean everything. She sent me personal notes about stuff I posted or commented on, and the worst part is that, most of the time, so COMPLETELY missed the point of the post, so while her comment was relevant, it made me want to punch her in the face. I don’t need that kind of anger constantly…I produce enough all on my own.
Sad to say i am guilty of posting Quotes movie song ect more then my own words. I just can;t find the words ….someone else already said it. I work on that LOL Does that make me a Douch?? Hope not cuz I think you Rock!!! I am better in person Fucken hilarious As you may remember!! LOL!!! LOL Love ya D
you are not even the tip of the iceberg sweetiepie..
:0)
Fuck I don’t even won’t to be a part of the iceberg!!! LOL
;0)
If I could, I’d jump your leg right now.
Ya wanna know.what else is douchy?!!? When the douchebags every post is rainbows.and butterflies, like, “oh!! My husband just made me dinner, AND, bathed the kids AND gave me a footrub!!!! I’m so blessed! !” Or, I love being a mom!!!! ” Every minute of every day!!” Barf!! Where’s my prozac!?!
Jump?? Not jump!! HUMP!! I’d totally HUMP your leg!
I 1000% agree. It’s so sad to wonder did they change that much or did I? Or did I just never know them?
I also HATE people who brag about themselves and what they are doing. I know someone who puts stuff all about how amazing her husband is ( he has no job and is a total loser, so sure he has time to do laundry he damm straight should be!) How she’s so active in PTA and at the end of each event she posts a picture of herself with a cocktail. Lots of us work hard for PTA, PTO, scouts, teams etc but not with the thought of my god I can put this on facebook so everyone sees how good I am. We do it for the right reasons…. we have to or others will talk about us behind our back….no really for our kids. Abso fing lutly LOVE HMM and her blog, fb posts etc.