I love Facebook. I do. This blog was started because I was such a Facebook addict and posted all of my ridiculous shit daily. Eventually, my friends convinced me to get a larger forum.. and….Viola’…. Hot Mess Mom was born. But that’s not the point. The point is that I love Facebook! I refused to join forever citing “I don’t want half the friends I have now, much less the ones I had twenty years ago”. And I was firm on that stance. Until people that I had completely forgotten about came crawling of the woodwork and I remembered how much I actually liked them. OR people that I didn’t like, or didn’t know, or was too snobby to acknowledge came around and I realized that I liked them too! (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.. the way into my
pants heart is a good sense of humor… So if you are funny.. I’m yours).
I have a pretty steadfast “no friend request” rule. I generally do not send friend requests. I feel like if you want me, you know where to find me (well, ya’ll don’t but other people do). However, occasionally, there is a person from past that pops into my mind or someone that I have thought of often over the years, and I just have to track them down. On the few occasions that I’ve done this, I have been giddy with excitement upon finding them and starting to reconnect. In most cases, we have moved forward as if no time has passed~~ rekindling our mutual love for each other, music, parties, or any other thing our teenage/ 20-something selves bonded over. Lots of old bartending/ waitressing friends have been found this way (shout out to my Blueberry Hill loves ) and it’s been wonderful.
So, here’s what sucks. Finding someone that you loved (not romantically or sexually), loved because they were super cool or clever or smart or funny. Loved because they took care of you when you were a hot mess. Someone that you lost touch with but always remembered fondly as such a wonderful person. Finding that person, friending that person, and then realizing that that person is a douche. And not just a tad douchy… Full fledged Summer’sEve fresh scented douchebag. It’s very disappointing to me. And sometimes there is a fine line between cool and douchey or Intellectual and pompous. Sometimes what you THINK is philisophical makes me want to bash your head in with a tack hammer.
- picture of yourself with a cocktail at sunset. COOL
- picture of yourself with a cocktail at sunset accompanied by some philosophical quote that pertains to neither the sunset nor yourself….. DOUCHY
- Occasionally including quotes from historians or literature or philosophers as a status update… TOLERABLE
- ALWAYS including quotes from persons other than yourself (none of which are funny)…. DOUCHY
- Profile picture of you with friends or family… COOL
- Profile picture of you alone laughing or having fun or on an amazing trip with exotic location in background… COOL
- Profile picture of you alone…gazing off into the distance as if your intelligence is almost too heavy a load to carry… DOUCHY
- Occasional pictures of yourself in a bathing suit while at the beach, on a cruise, or other vacation destination…. COOL
- Every fucking picture you post.. in a bathing suit, or shirtless… sometimes in your front yard… DOUCHY
- Never ever ever having one single thing of your own to add to the world wide web..only borrowing verse from others… DOUCHY
- Not being funny. Ever. … INTOLERABLE
I cannot say anymore without giving away douchebag identities. However, I promise you…if I could cut and paste some of this shit you would understand.
And again..here’s the rub… These are people that I REALLY liked. What happened?? Clearly my judgement and people-reading skills are spot on, so it must be them…
Would it be wrong to comment on the next status update (which I’m sure will be plagiarized from Wordsworth or Aeschylus or Aristotle or Emerson or Khafka)… “your douchiness is a huge disappointment to me” ? ‘Cuz I’m thinking if writing that is wrong.. I don’t want to be right.
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