Why I love Muffy

This is NOT a topic that you will probably ever see me write about again.  EVER.  You know how you have your best best best friends and they compliment you and love you and make you feel good about yourself?   I love those friends.  I have many of them.  Friends who I hug too tightly for too long.  Friends who are kind and loving and hold my hand when we walk down the street just because we are so happy to be together.   Friends who I share a bed with on girls weekends and stay up all night talking and giggling.

Muffy, the 2-Carat Princess, Ice Queen and I…. are NOT those kind of friends.   We are barely nice to each other.  We do not touch.  We get all of our giggles at the expense of each other.  We call each other names.  We would never hold hands.   We argue.  We notice every pound gained, every new grey, and every wrinkle.  Then we point them out just in case the recipient of the new pounds, greys or wrinkles didn’t know they were there.  We roll our eyes at each other.    We disagree often.  We have heated discussions.  We laugh like hyenas.  We do not say I love you.

But today, I had to tell Muffy I loved her.   And here is why.

I hate everyone right now.  EVERYONE.  And while, admittedly, I am stressed out, overwhelmed and  have a very short fuse, I swear people are behaving even douchier than normal.  I left the school the other day because I literally was about to reach over the table and smack the shit out of a crazy person.   And that’s on me, because I KNOW said person is a whack job, but I just couldn’t pretend to be okay with it.   I have walked away from at least a half-dozen people over the past few days mid-conversation.  They are yammering about whatever ridiculous shit and I can’t even be polite and say “excuse me, I have to go wash my hair”.  I just turn and walk away.  Mid-sentence.

You know I went off the grid this weekend..   no laptop, no emails, no Million MILF March, and very little Hot Mess Mom.   Muffy called this morning to see if I was feeling recouperated.   Our conversation went something like this:

Dude.. listen..  seriously..  for the next two weeks, you have got to be a buffer between me and ANYONE who tries to talk to me.

{now, this is when Muffy would generally say  “Fuck you HMM… I have my own shit to do…”    but she did not. }

You got it.

 I’m serious.

Oh, I know.

 I just hate them.  All of them.  Even the ones that I usually like… Everyone…  the Facebook posts, the stupid texts… everyone is an asshole.

Yep.

So, you’ll keep them all at bay and be my buffer until I get back from the Million MILF March?

Yep.

I love you.

And I do love her.  Because she could have said  “Look Bitch… you are out of control.  I know you are stressed, but YOU are the one acting like a crazy person.  YOU are the one being even douchier than normal.  YOU are the asshole”.      But she didn’t.  She had my back.  Because sometimes you need friends who will hold your hand while walking down the street.  Bu sometimes you need a friend who will cut any bitch who tries to approach you.   And that’s my Muffy.