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Tuesdays with Gooley- Episode 22

{disclaimer:  I am NOT Gooley..  On Tuesdays my friend Gooley guest posts.  These are HIS stories.  His life. His Antics.  Every other post on this blog is written by me.  EXCEPT for the ones titled “Tuesday’s with Gooley”  Please don’t ever mistake MY messiness for his..  I am clean and I smell good}

Big Balls… An expose


There is a reason BB and I moved to the middle of nowhere on 50 acres. True, there are practical reasons as well as an inner calling to live more simply. These are the reasons we expand on when we are in mixed company. There are many reasons actually, but one important reason is that we are no longer fit for society. Society is far safer with our weirdness tucked away on a hill protected by redwoods and wild turkeys. Reading through my past diatribes, gives clue to my eccentricities. Clearly, I’m not your average bear, but I can “do” normal quite well and have most people fooled. BB…well…it’s more complicated.

(He just walked in the door with a farmer’s market watermelon under his arm and shouted, “3 dolla…its summertime.” Then laid down to take a nap.)

Where do I begin? How bout we start a few days back at the county fair. We were both excited to see pigs, goats, cows and sheep. I wanted to eat a corn dog and perhaps catch a rodeo. Instead, we enter the fair through the display area (think redneck trade show). Instead of making a b-line to the farm animals, BB takes a detour to the “candy” display and takes advantage of the free samples. One problem…the “candy” was actually car potpourri and Big Balls took a handful and stuffed it in his mouth. I wasn’t looking but heard a loud commotion. There was spittle. There was screaming. There was confusion. I saw Big Balls spitting into his cupped hands and screaming at the lady about how bad her candy was. I decided to just let this one play out while laughing so hard I couldn’t catch my breath.

Following me?

Then there’s the Bonsai. Oh dear lord…the Bonsai. It’s important to preface this by saying that he truly does possess a world class collection of Bonsai. His Bonsai Club (Yes…Bonsai Club. I DO NOT go to the parties) reveres him as some sort of Master.  The leader of the Nor Cal Bonsai Association has adopted him as her protege. This is all a very big deal…IF you give rat’s ass about Bonsai. I do not. Of course I think they are nice and look pretty, but we have a gazillion really big trees everywhere that require no work to maintain and look pretty as well…and I can build tree houses in them.

A few months back we went to a bonsai auction. This was a very big deal. There were some important estate specimens that rarely become available. Normally I do not attend these events as they bore me to tears. This time he dangled a carrot by promising that we would first stop by the brownie café before the auction.  I mean, the ONLY way to sit through hours of bonsai bidding would be under the influence of delicious medical brownies; arthritis healing as I take in all the furious bidding. Unfortunately, we ran late and I got screwed. There was free wine at the auction – mitigating my disappointment slightly.

So, we sat for hours waiting for the last two bonsai to come up for bid. I sensed a stir in the audience. I actually felt a building frequency of competition in the air. BB is getting serious. His game face is on. Remember me saying BB is a Bad Ass? Well, shit just got real up in the Bonsai auction. His paddle was on fire as he whipped it up fast and furious with the determination of a hunter. I’m serious. He actually intimidated people with his ferocity. It was fascinating. It worked. He scored the top prize and the other bidders withered in his wake. I still can’t pick that bonsai out of the crowd of others in his collection. They are friggin’ miniature trees for fuck sake! But it was funny…even without brownies.

Then there is all the hoarding. Not the, crazy cat lady living on years of feces, kind of hoarding. That might be easier to deal with. He hoards super specific, highly interesting or valuable, even just plain weird stuff. We have warehouses (yes plural) of his lifetime collection of antiques, furniture, and various stuff; mostly furniture as it was his career and lifelong passion. One of many.

It took 27 truckloads in 28 foot Ryder trucks back and forth from Southern California to Northern California over the course of 6 months to move all of his shit (possessions) up north. It was exhausting. Then we lived in the trailer for 18 months. Imagine this dichotomy? I can’t and I lived it.

He also hoards books, vitamins, alternative medical equipment (a post unto itself), spices, and other disparate things. All weird.

What else? His approach to health. This is actually admirable and should be modeled. It’s also eccentric as hell and often makes my eyes roll. Big Balls is of a certain age in case you haven’t picked up on that one. I won’t divulge. Suffice to say some of my perks include discounts on Wednesday at the local market, early membership in AARP, and lots of wisdom and shit.

He’s old.

But healthy as a horse and strong as an ox. He’s also smarter than anyone I know and takes care of his body and mind through educating himself and his doctors. Yes…He’s a belligerent fuck and insists that he interview his doctors before allowing them to provide care. Few make the cut.

He does not take ANY prescription medications. He addresses any and all ailments by first educating himself and then takes a multifaceted approach most likely through alternative or nutritional approaches. (We both do this actually) It always works. The proof is in the pudding as he has always prevailed from any health crisis on his terms. There is a heavy dose of weirdness that surrounds this paradigm of course. It will require a devoted post to adequately convey the many different avenues we have explored. A teaser: At one point I became certified as a biofeedback therapist. I utilized quantum frequencies generated through a computer’s CPU to re-balance the body and promote healing. For a brief time in my thirties, I had a successful practice doing this. I also practiced on myself, BB, and our dogs…all with amazing results. Once, BB woke up with a serious blood clot in his leg. Most would rush to the ER. Instead, I hooked him up to the Weird Science machine and dissolved the clot in less than an hour. There are many stories – I will collect them and share at some point.

The Barn. We are in the process of building a barn on our property; this will be an interesting ride. It’s also where our personalities and skill-sets work together best. He’s the dreamer and I’m the doer. Not only will we utilize the barn for practical reasons but we plan to create a large living space inside so we can move out of our little house that is slowly falling down the hill.

BB is a master manifester. It’s been interesting watching his process over the course of 12 years. He dreams BIG. Really Big. Obnoxiously, unattainably, “are you Crazy?” big. In the past, my sense of practicality would interfere during his dream process. I’d immediately interject with, “that’s impossible because…” Now I know it’s the process and to allow it to unfold. His imagination communicates to the universe arranging reality toward eventual 3-dimensional reality. It’s been his process throughout his life and has brought him riches. Not wealth in the sense of cash money, but wealth in the form of realizing impossible dreams by simply believing and taking action. It’s my greatest gift…to witness this as it happens and surrender to the process. We may not realize every dream but we DO realize unimaginable success through simply believing and taking action toward the impossible.

That’s what the Barn will be. I know it will work because we did it before in a tragic inner city LA warehouse. {click to view}


The further along the path we travel, the more difficult it is to function in society. This is only the tip of the eccentric iceberg. Even I am finding, as I get along in years that my views and approach to the everyday is off the range and radar for many to accept. As long as I keep the conversation simple and topical, I do alright. The more I learn and march to my own beat the harder it is to find threads to those on the “outside world.” I will always do so though. As much as I cultivate my eccentricities, I love people and accept everyone’s chosen path whether I vibe with it or not. BB on the other hand is off the range, proudly and unapologetically. 50 acres is barely enough space to keep a comfortable distance from anyone who might question his methods! I’ve learned they are unquestionable. It’s taken 12 years:)

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Filed under: Tuesdays with Gooley



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10 Responses to "Tuesdays with Gooley- Episode 22"

  1. Dan Mcsherry says:

    JEEEM!! Awesome bro,,,Got a few questions so I will be back! Car potpourri WTF is that? “wanted to eat a corn dog and watch a rodeo” that my friend could be a ready made classic!

  2. lindsay says:

    so cute. love reading these.

  3. KRISTY says:

    Can’t wait to see pics of the barn.

  4. Sarah says:

    Digging the expose….give me more!!!

  5. Kirstyn says:

    Best.Gooley.Yet, loved the insight to BB – he is the male version of my mother. Thanks for the memories…

  6. Chrissy says:

    Holy smokes, that warehouse space is the bomb! You’re on to something, its what life is about. Doing what makes you happy without the concern of the ‘norm.’ It’s hard to do becuase its soo easy to get caught up in it all. Xo

  7. Leah says:

    I wish I could be more like you, Gooley! You and BB sound like the coolest people!

    1. Gooley says:

      It may sound interesting but trust me it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Ask HMM what the cure is for allergies. You REALLY wouldn’t want my laugh if you knew the answer.

  8. MommyPage says:

    That’s cute. I want to see pictures!

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