Tuesdays with Gooley- Episode 16 : LIVE FROM SAN FRANCISCO

Today, Gooley, HMM and Numbers One thru Three will be driving the PCH..   Look for live updates on Facebook throughout the day with a photo recap here tonight!

It’s SHOWTIME!!

okay…so…it’s gonna have to be Wednesday with Gooley… and we are exausted.  and kind of lit.  and my back is KILLING me……. soooooo… we are gonna play a little game of pass the laptop….

Starting NOW:

HMM:  First leg..  our hotel to Gooley hotel.  Top down.  Temp 60 degrees.  Traffic: shitty.   Quick tour of Gooley’s old stomping grounds…then to stock up with picnic wares at the Safeway.  Holy Clusterfuck Batman.   The End.    (also…drove Golden Gate Bridge.. got to Muir Woods… we don’t like crowds and we left)

GOOLEY: Watched cartoons from hotel room for two hours waiting for chariot to arrive. Then up and down the streets of San Francisco with screaming boys and an even louder screaming Mom. Oy Vey. Safeway with kids and baskets and cookies and cherries and wine and cheese and more screaming. Then – with an economy of words – TERRIBLE transaction process.

HMM:   BB is gonna be pissed that we didn’t go to Muir Wood as he already explained to my children the importance of a spiritual experience amongst the redwoods….  well..too bad… too crowded..can’t do it.. proceed to Muir Beach, Stinson Beach, Tomales Bay and Point Reyes…. The Eastern part of Point Reyes was 75 degrees.  The WESTERN point of  Pt. Reyes was 51 and windy as hell and holy balls….. it was crazy…

GOOLEY: Quick back in time to Monday night dinner. We sit down and the conversation starter erupts from Number 2 to Big Balls, “Mom got up at 6am and wanted a beer.” HMM’s LOUD retort, “It was 9:30  and we were  on a boat!” BB rolled his eyes for the first time – His eyes hurt now. Yeah, Big Balls had a whole Spiritual Experience planned for us to dance with reckless abandon in the Redwoods. It didn’t happen. We had wine on a picnic bench instead. And a lot of screaming.

HMM:   He’s full of shit…we didn’t scream that much and BB and I are in love.. so he can kiss my ass…    Anyhoo……where were we??  (that’s a lot of W’s)….  Okay Point Reyes..  possibly my favorite place on Earth… however today… the smell of cow shit was tempered by the increasingly strong winds coming from the Pacific…. so while we were able to breathe in the convertible, the boys’ tears (as they cried from being cold)…froze on their cheeks…   cuz that shit was CRAZY cold, windy, beautiful, amazing. awesome and worth it……   Note:  temp rose back to normal within minutes of leaving the point.

GOOLEY: The temperature rose and fell at the same rate and intensity of HMM temper – Did I mention screaming? Love her, mean it. So, Cold as a witches tit in a brass brazier at Point Reyes. We pulled off to a secluded beach with no tourists and set the kids loose on the beach. THEY LOVED IT. They played with a large chunk of asphalt for an hour while we drank wine. I know – asphalt. wierd and special.

HMM:  I did NOT scream that loud NOR did I lose my temper as much as normal… WTF Gooley??  I thought we had a great day!!  Fucktard…   Anyhoo….  we left the witches tit, headed north to Bodega Bay…  where we had a picnic (ie: $12.00 cheese, fancy bread, fresh fruit, etc) in a trailer park.. on the water… listening to barking seals… apparently invisible seals ‘cuz we just could not locate those mother fuckers… ..   I pooped in the fanciest trailer park bathroom in all of the land…. …  Got cold.. had to leave..  4:18 pm… 60 degrees….  Drove East…. 4:32 pm….  90 fucking 8 degrees…..   5:00 pm…. 106 degrees..    California is CRAZY.

GOOLEY: She really did enjoy that bathroom. Between that, the temperature changes, and her bad back I believe I am seeing some version of aggression menopause kicking in. It’s priceless. Even the ninjas were cutting loose in the convertible getting a dose of California magic we jetted up the coast.

HMM:   Gooley thinks he’s being playful..  Maybe that’s why the boys in college thought I was a  bitch.   Cuz Gooley is redonk…    My version is that I am was awesome and patient and supermom today..  My kids LOVE their Uncle Jim…. They busted his balls all day… seriously..  either he was 10 or they were 40….either way the humor was spot on…   it was a phenomenal day .  with phenomenal people…

Our last stop of the day was at the Whole Food Market is Sebastopol…  You’ve seen Gooley describe this town before.  I assumed he embelished.  He did not.   The first thing I saw upon parking was a 50 year old man in a ponytail on a unicycle.   Then a line of bare feet.  Then a line of dirty feet in Teva sandles.  Then a Tarot card reader.  THEN the entrance to the market.   I whispered to Gools  ”Wow.. that was a lot of dirty feet”….  THEN  I saw too many white girls with dreadlocks,  hippie skirts, birkenstocks,and  handmade of dresses,  The market was PACKED.. except for the soap and shampoo aisle…which were EMPTY… did I mention that we were at said market ‘cuz Gooley “ran out of soap”…..    ??????    Me:  So… You just get wet?  Cuz..if you don’t have soap…you didn’t really shower”… Him’:  I’m clean.   Me:  Nope.. Noper you are certainly not clean.  Him:  don’t be judgey  Me:  i love you. and you”re gross.  Big Balls  ”That’s not even my first complaint”  Me:  I now love BB more than Jim”.  The End.

GOOLEY: Yes, we did have an awesome day. Yes, the kids are unbelievable and she is an amazing Mom. The family dynamic is just that  - DYNAMIC. I will never forget this day. Let it be noted,  I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO SHOWER THIS MORNING. On top of that, my hotel room had a free sample of AXE body spray. After figuring out what it was, I used it liberally – just for her.

HMM:    I showered today.. but did NOT clothes to wear manana… so … tomato/ tomaaato……

Seriously.. amazing day with amazing peeps.  At one point one of the numbers asked “Mom..who do you like more?  Daddy or Jim?”  I said ” Huh…..  well…  I LOVE Daddy more… of course..  but I sure do like your uncle Jim :}

Except for that was 3 hours ago and this will never end..   Thanks for reading.  voting… we love ya… see you soon.