Tuesdays with Gooley- Episode 12

Dr. McNuts and the Evolution of Man: A Character Study…Oh, and Mandancing.

If you have not kept up with the comments stream on my posts, especially last weeks, this won’t make sense. Go read them. I’ll wait

.Now… Sing along; (to the tune of Beverly Hillbillies.)

Here’s a little story ‘bout a man named Dan

He wrote a lot of shit, then it really hit the fan

Thought he would try to bring down The Gool

But The MILFS fought back and called  him a huge tool…

(Alright, songwriting is not my specialty)

I know it’s hard to believe after reading last week’s comments, but Dan is my friend…a good one; even better now after what transpired over the course of the week. That’s why I need to explain. I will not make any attempts to defend Dan’s comments. Good Lord…He dug that hole with a very large shovel, then a tractor; perhaps even a few drums of dynamite. What’s important is the quality of character that came forward in conversations and actions outside of the comment stream. I’ll get to that in a bit.

Remember the “dynamic friendship group” I mentioned last week? Well, Dan was, and still is, the pack leader of the gang and the reason that this group of characters is still together and strong. He’s the proverbial glue that holds it all together 25 years later. He can be loud, obnoxious and has interesting ways in which he communicates his affection. The Dan of now is much different than the Dan I met 25 years ago. The old Dan, quite frankly, could be a world class arrogant dickhead – he even admits that now. What’s important is how he grew over the years after some life and adversity penetrated his facade. His heart expanded. This is the true measure of a man.  He’s now open and always available. He has an absolutely wonderful and loving family, and a crew of loyal women workers that he treats like family.  He is also an amazing friend and takes on a big brother role.  He is always willing to lend support to anyone who asks or anyone who he suspects may be off track.

He did this with me. It was Dan who went out of his way to bring me back into the fold. He genuinely reached out and insisted that I come back – making it comfortable for me. I was guarded….and had reason to be based on the “Old Dan.” Quickly it became evident that Dan had changed….a lot. We immediately had authentic conversations about how he missed me and how he felt responsible for not being around to help me through my own “period of adjustment.” I was shocked and pleasantly surprised. If it were not for his outreach I would not have reconnected with this VERY important part of my past. For that I owe him greatly.

And yes, sometimes I want to shake him. I also think he needs adult supervision whenever he sits behind his computer to write. A special magical pixie should be employed to occupy his send button to translate what he writes into what he actually means.  If I even approached the reasoning why he wrote what he wrote I would need a Neanderthal to English translation manual….and it still wouldn’t make sense.

My respect for Dan deepened in how he handled the situation when I confronted him. We messaged. We talked. I called him out. He listened and owned up. He also apologized to HMM. The old Dan could not do this. The evolved Dan HAD to do this and it grew our friendship. THAT’S WHAT MATTERS. And so we move on.

As far as you all are concerned…That’s up to you.  If he decides to comment, I just hope the send button pixies are awake and highly caffeinated.

So, did I mention Mandancing? Also referred to as “Operation Mandance.”

And the gayest thing I have ever done….ever.

I hope to find words to bring to life the single most hilarious event in my life to date. If words fail me, video will fill in the blanks. This “dynamic group of friends” is an aging group of frat boys, now in their 40’s, most of whom play golf, smoke cigars, drink beer, wear khaki’s and have families.  25 years ago they/we were the studs of college campus…  man whores, bartenders, and athletes.   Last year, at the annual reunion,  they/we participated in an all-male competitive dance contest. I wish I could claim victory for creating this but alas, it would not have happened without Dr. McNuts twisting convention on its ear to create the ridiculous and unexpected.

It all started with a heartwarming and enthusiastic Facebook video post of his family playing Wii Dance. I smiled in acknowledgment and snarked that we should have a dance-off at our reunion. The seed was planted. It grew. It became a monster as the buildup to the weekend evolved. This was just a cartoon in my head. I truly didn’t think it would happen. Considering this cast of characters, it would be an impossible feat. Dan loved the idea and appreciates the importance of shaking things up, so he grabbed hold like a dog with a bone. RELENTLESS. He made an official announcement over the airwaves. All the expected responses came flying back. “WTF”, “Dan, have you gone to the other side?” , “Dude, That’s gay.” etc. Dan was prepared and met every response with an over the top challenge to their masculinity.

“Come on Pussy…Sac up and dance like you got a pair.” It got intense. The more people objected the more over the top his response. The sociologist in me was overjoyed watching this unfold! I could have written a thesis on man’s relationship to masculinity. Some guys jumped on board enthusiastically in the spirit of fun…understanding the silliness.  Other’s had a more challenging road to inevitable participation. It was an event not to be missed.  They all showed. Most danced and we all laughed like never before. NO GLORY DAYS HERE. Actually it was nicely balanced. Old stories were rehashed, but all the while there was round after round of dancing. It was as organized as any tournament game.

Dan even created seeding’s; breaking down everyone based on personality and ability. Here’s a sampling. You might recognize some of the names from the comment streams. (Of course he ranked himself first.)

1    Dan McNuts…Home field advantage. History of superior gaming. Proven competitor and never say die attitude with a polished resume. Cool under pressure. Thrives in unlikely environments. Creative….

3    Joe McNuts…Always figures in wayward games of skill and chance. Knows how to create shortcuts. Uncanny adaptability. Extraordinary rule circumventing ability. Aerobic conditioning a question mark…

4    Gooley…Fierce competitor. Once decked a beer chug competitor when he started early. California influenced moves. Cerebral opponent with relatively gentle soul. If his knees can hold up look out….

6    Joe Dee…Larger these days but still one of the best dancers. Young daughter keeps him fresh. Tremendous tackler with get low technique. Jaeger resistant skills. If he doesn’t disappear he could be there at the end…

9    Toby…Artsy element. Intimidating stage presence. Thrives in front of the camera. Angular opponent with something to prove. Less experienced in this hostile environment. If he doesn’t get shaken could take it all….

1^st – Dan McNuts demonstration dance – “Big Girls do it Better”

2^nd- Gooley Vs. Joe McNuts (Dan’s brother) –  {I’m on the left.  YOUR left)  Don’t miss the interviews at the end. If anyone can explain my unconscious hand movements, please share.

How did it end? Very well, actually. I won. Dan is still reeling as he hates losing…especially at his own game. I never played the game before that night, so I relied on my ninja skills to come in and conquer. I was in the zone – and may have had an out of body experience:)

I actually won twice.

After claiming the title, I went to bed. At 5am I awoke to screams that my game controller was rigged and I had to dance again with the other game controller. I rolled out of bed, summoned the ninjas, rocked out an epic mandance to solidify my title, spiked the game controller in celebration….and passed out again.

In a month I will be defending my title. I have low expectations as I am sure Dan has practiced all year. I’ve made my point. This year, In addition to all the Mandancing, there will be a new game; CORNHOLE. Seriously.

My friends are so gay.