Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, Ramblings » 10 things my masseuse says to me that make me think I may be at the wrong “massage parlor”
10 things my masseuse says to me that make me think I may be at the wrong “massage parlor”
I have some back issues. Well, I have lots of issues, but in addition to the ones you already know about, I have some serious back and neck problems. I get massages regularly. Before you get jealous… my massages aren’t the “oohhhh, aahhhh… wake me up when it’s over” type.. They are of the “this is gonna leave a mark” and “I hope I don’t cry today” variety.
My current masseuse is a phenom. Truly. She’s strong as a damn ox. I’ve been going to her for a while now. She’s extremely professional but now that she is very familiar with all of my problem areas, and I mean ALL….. we exchange a little more dialogue.
Here’s a sampling.
- lay down face first
- oh my God.. I can’t believe how tight you are.
- I didn’t think it was possible for you to be any tighter than you were last time, but you are.
- I’ve noted that you like it better when I use my fist instead of my finger.
- I could barely get in there.. I was so tight I had to use my whole arm.
- OMG. It’s so big. And it’s hard as a rock. Can you feel it?
- It’s supposed to hurt, not tickle.
- Your dad had this same thing in the SAME place last week.
- You are going to be very VERY sore when you leave here.
- I could work on you ALL day but I’m not sure that your body could take it.
Sometimes I’m tempted to say “The money’s on the dresser Chocolate” when I leave. I don’t. But I could.
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Filed under: Dear Diary, Ramblings
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OMG – you have made my day!!!
Please. Oh please God say that and then write a post about it.
I’m snorting with laughter.
Priceless.
But number 8 – I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Thanks for that!
as long as she doesnt ask if u want a “happy ending” its proly pretty tame…
LMFAO!
I work in therapy & rehab and find myself saying very similar things to patients. I never thought of how it sounded from the POV. Maybe that’s why I always feel like their are people standing outside the room. They’re probably trying to get in on some action!
i am sooo cracking up!
LMAO That’s good shit!
You disgust me.
don’t be jelly … i’ll kick your tit next week
my tea just came through my nose! your post made me feel very 50 Shades
OMG..I was laughing so hard, I was stomping my feet and stubbed my toe! Totally worth girl..thanks for making a good way to start my day!!
Absolutely hilarious!
LOL, omg.. I believe no puns intended?
I want this masseuse!
hahaha! You;re seriously funny! loving your blog!:)