Me & My Blog… A Love / Hate Relationship
When I sat down to write on the topic of the love / hate relationship with Just Mildly Medicated http://justmildlymedicated.
blogspot.com/ I had a frenzy of thoughts.
Like most Bloggers I have found my outlet to share though blogging and I love it or I wouldn’t do it. In sharing though I have also opened myself up to judgment.
My blog has some funny mom-isms, my life has plenty of material. The PTA put me in charge of the Donkey Show at the Fall Festival, oh and I had to rescue my 7 year old from a near death scooter accident in the neighborhood only to be left standing surrounded by all the neighborhood kids when I realized I had no bra on. My blog actually gets even more personal than my fun stories though. Just Mildly Medicated is about my life with a chronic illness.
For me my illness is ‘invisible’ meaning I don’t look sick. I don’t look all that different today then I did the year before I had my first symptoms. Okay a few more pounds and wrinkles but you get the point.
When I was diagnosed my immediate family knew and my best friend knew, but I had just moved to a new state and was trying to meet new people and really didn’t know how, when, or if at all to share that I had an illness. At first I opted to not tell people, I didn’t want to be treated differently. Then my symptoms became a bit less reliably invisible. I would be at dinner and my right arm would start to tremor, or I would stand up to fast or be on my feet too long and pass out. An illness isn’t quite as easily glossed over when you’re shaking the table or on the floor.
My husband and I talked in great detail about how I was going to handle this ‘new normal’. That is when I decided to create Just Mildly Medicated and posted a Q and A from Invisible Illness Week titled 30 Things about Me and My Illness on my Facebook page.
Bam, everyone who cared enough to click the link knew.
Then I waited, I don’t even know what for but I sat and I waited. I waited to be judged or supported. I knew the judgment would be silent, it would be small talk between people with words like hypochondriac or people didn’t think I was really all that sick. I still worry about that. I wish I didn’t care what people thought about me but I do, very much. As the support came in from friends and extended family the insecurities were easier to swallow.
The crazy part was when people other than my family and friends were reading, commenting and extending support. Then I posted more, and they read more. Now it is a small genre but Just Mildly Medicated has slowly grown into more than I expected.
I have connected with others living with illnesses such as RA, Fibro, Lyme Disease, and Dysautonomia. Some I have connected with are going through the diagnostic process and others are the parents and friends who are attached to chronic illness through love. I have made bloggy buddies who range from hilarious moms and dads to the DIYers and health activists who are just amazing people that I would have never known otherwise. People have read my blog and messaged me on how what I wrote touched them and that does make up for the insecurities about being judged.
So for me the relationships and ability to raise awareness blogging gives me definitely is worth every insecurity and effort.
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