A Dash of Love. An Ounce of Hate.
(Shaken…Not Stirred…and Served On the Rocks)
By: Dani, Suburbia Interrupted
There comes a time in everyone’s life when we find something we love…but also hate.
For instance, I love clothes and shoes but hate to go shopping. I love a spotless, perfectly cleaned house…but hate to do the shitastic cleaning that is required to achieve that spotless status. I love to look put together, made up and glamorous (I am using that word in the most loosely way possible) but spending an hour a day to get dressed, put on makeup, do my hair, etc is sometimes a major pain in the ass. The thing is, as much as I HATE to shop or clean the blinds or spend an hour of my day primping, I do it. Each and every day. Because, as one of my favorite quotes from a Hallmark card states, a flower has to go through a lot of dirt before it can bloom.
The relationship I have with my blog is no different.
My blog. I spent months brainstorming ideas for a name. I spent months wondering if I should even bother. I spent months wondering whether writing a blog was even something I had time to do. And then, one random day almost a year ago, Suburbia Interrupted was born.
I have always loved writing. I am in no way a Pulitzer Prize, Peabody Award winning, writer. I’m just not. I am a girl who is sassy, blunt, sarcastic and regularly inserts her foot into her mouth, saying and/or writing something before she thinks. I am not a girl who correctly uses punctuation, correct grammar, and/or sentence structure. I have no clue the “correct” way to speak my mind, instead opting to take the approach of let’s empty my mind of whatever thoughts are floating around inside it and hope it somehow makes a little sense and doesn’t make the majority of my readers think I’m a complete whack-a-doodle. Somehow, once I made the decision to jump head first into the blogging world, my blunt, sarcastic, possible whack-a-doodle ways worked and the response to my writing has been wonderful.
Way back when, in the land of BC (before children, not British Columbia), I was a girl, studying political science, American history, and prepping for LSATS. Fast forward and oh how the times have changed. Today, my morning coffee is chugged while catching up on the latest news regarding sex, relationships and orgasms, with a dash of politics sprinkled amongst the latest and greatest must have vibrators for under $100. (FYI…there are some really awesome vibrators out there. Go invest in a new one if it has been a while…) Errands are run, sports practices are sat through, and laundry is folded, all with my blog in the back of my mind. What I have learned over this year long journey is blogging is a full time job that you don’t necessarily get paid for.
There are times when the love affair with my blog is strong, unbreakable, and awesome. When I first began blogging, I posted every single day. I always had a fresh idea to write about. The adrenaline was pumping through me, the writing high pushing me to write that next sentence. I loved it. I loved that people were actually reading something I wrote. My ego was boosted when I got asked to contribute to a book series. I was on top of the world, all the time hoping that I was the next big thing.
And then reality sets in.
At some point Suburbia Interrupted became a chore. I hit a wall. Writers block took over. The high from having a new blog wore off. The mystery, allure, and sexiness of it all stopped. I hated the idea of having to sit down and write something so the all important page views didn’t drop off. Writing became something I had to do rather than a therapeutic, stress relieving thing I wanted to do.
More than once I have wanted to delete Suburbia from its internet address. More than once I doubted my untrained writing abilities. More than once I self doubted me, comparing my ability against those whose blogs and writing is so much better than mine. More than once I stopped myself from making a really stupid decision.
Suburbia Interrupted is my baby. One I love. One I hate. One I give too much attention to one day and not enough the next. Just like the shopping, cleaning or glaming up, Suburbia is something I love to hate. Without it I wouldn’t have made some really great friends. I wouldn’t have been give the beyond awesome opportunities I have been given. I wouldn’t have made myself a career (as small time as it may be). Writing has opened doors that I never imagined would ever open for me. I regularly contribute to websites. I do freelance jobs. And soon, I will be able to share some major and unbelievably awesome news that shocked me when I received it! But more importantly, Suburbia Interrupted has given me something to do that is just for me. For an hour (more or less, depending on the day) I can sit on my bed or on the porch and do something for me.
Do I still love the blog one day and hate it the next? Of course. Ironically that love/hate coincides with Aunt Flo visit. Shocking, I know. The thing is, I love it more than I hate it. The love affair I have with writing is still in me, taunting me with the fruits of its labor. The allure of being the next big thing is still here, as wavering as it may be. The self doubt and comparisons don’t show their ugly faces as often as they used to. The writers block doesn’t hit me as much as it once did.
Suburbia Interrupted has taught me that like any great relationship, there will be ups and there will be downs. There will be times I can’t get enough of it and times I cannot stand to look at it. There will be moments of success and moments of failure. Rejection will occur. Opportunities will arise. But through it all I will keep trekking along, loving the journey while cursing the bumpy path…
Dani is a South Florida freelance writer and mother to five, living with The Big Guy, humorously chronicling the daily struggle to balance motherhood, life and sex on her blog, Suburbia Interrupted. Sometimes she gets lucky. Sometimes she doesn’t. When not crowning herself the (inadvertent) Mrs. Robinson of Skype, Dani can also be found on Twitter and Facebook.
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