My blog, a love/hate relationship.
I started blogging..well okay I made one blog post years ago as a diary. Something to get my thoughts out so I could read back and consider if they are realistic, how they would sound to someone else. How my life was going. I never wrote again, and years passed by. Suddenly I felt compelled to write and fired it up again. I wrote religiously, about all sorts of things going on in my life for months.
Then it stopped. I hit a roadblock. I felt pigeonholed and discouraged. I am still there to an extent. I hate that.
My ‘thing’ is the special needs angle of life. My journey, my crazy ride, my goat path next to the freeway that most people are speeding by on. I started feeling like a broken record. How many times could I write about being discouraged or feeling that my child is getting ripped off, and then counter it with ‘We got this!- Let’s rock this shit out!’?
I have stopped writing for a while, and even though I have done a few entries, really since wintertime I’ve had very little to say. This is my struggle. You see, I LOVE writing, I LOVE seeing my thoughts come together in text whether that be in my favorite font or with pen and paper. I love reading them back and changing words around so they really convey how I feel. I like scrolling back to old entries and remembering when I was in that place, maybe thinking to myself I wish I knew then what I know now, or I wish I could have told that self things were going to be okay.
So my blog sits here. I love it, but I hate it. I hate that it’s looming here urging me for an entry. I hate that I feel like I am letting it down by paying little to no attention to it. It’s like a 3rd child to me, like to many bloggers.. It doesn’t matter if your blog child is big or small, has an audience or not. It doesn’t matter how old, or how many entries, it’s yours. Some people nourish theirs daily, others neglect theirs while loving it deeply. I have been both of those people, and I feel guilt for not attending to it more than I have. I feel like it needs a revamp, a freshen up, a housecleaning, a big hug.
But you know what’s so nice about having a blog…it’s always going to be there waiting for you to come back. You can love it, you can hate it, it will tolerate you. I love that.
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