Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, Things that are NOT awesome » Sooo.. I’m really mad at Amazon
Sooo.. I’m really mad at Amazon
I’m a bit calmer now than I was an hour ago when I updated my Facebook status to THIS. Calmer, but not happy. Ya’ll know I do 100% of my shopping online. 90% of it is from Amazon. EVERYTHING! Gluten-free snacks, clothes, deodorant, toys, games, accessories.. I shop with my thumbs. Amazon and I have been in a long-term, committed relationship for years.
And now I want to break up. I WON’T, but I want to. In a few days I will cool down, log on to Amazon and let my fingers do the talking once again. Our relationship will progress as if nothing ever happened. But I’m a woman. While I may forgive.. I will never forget.
I will not forget that Amazon may have single-handedly ruined Santa for my kids this year by delivering 3 electric scooters to my front door in the manufacturer’s packaging instead of my beloved Amazon brown box. 3 electric scooters = $600. That’s $600 of gifts that I now cannot give my children from Santa. We don’t do parent gifts.. ALL of the gifts Christmas morning are from Santa.
I covered it up the best I could. Told them that Razor knew from reading Hot Mess Mom that I work with a lot of needy families this time of year and they sent me three scooters to give away to children in need. They bought it.. maybe.. Either way, the scooters can never go under the tree and be Santa gifts. Never. So now they will be from my parents. And that will be fine. Except for I lied so convincingly to them about the Razor/ Hot Mess Mom/ Charity triangle that they’ll probably never believe me again.
And yes.. I can tell them that after I saw their excitement at the donated scooters, I told their grandparents to buy them some.. I can do damage control. I can minimize the disastrous effect that this could have had on my boys during their last few years of believing. I can handle it. And I will.
But I’m still pissed. I’m pissed that they saw them. I’m pissed that I had to pull a lie out of my ass after 30 seconds of shock-induced stuttering. And most of all, I’m pissed that of their THREE big Santa gifts (they only get three).. one of them is now ruined. At is wasn’t socks or comic books or DVD’s or iTunes cards.. It was three $200 scooters. $600 gone. Just gone.. And yes– I understand that they will still receive the scooters so the money wasn’t actually wasted. But I would never spend that money on scooters at any time of the year EXCEPT Christmas.. because watching their eyes light up when they open something from Santa that me and their dad said they couldn’t have… is magical.
Now, when the open them Christmas afternoon instead of morning at my parents house instead of ours…it just won’t be the same. It just won’t.
Dammit Amazon. Go take a cold shower because you are soooo not getting any from me tonight.
{now click that fucking banner before I stop believing in Santa too!}
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Filed under: Dear Diary, Things that are NOT awesome
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That sucks schweddy monkey balls! Are you sure you clicked the ‘this is a friggin’ gift you nimrods so don’t send an uncovered box’ box?
I make sure to send all of my online purchases to my mom’s house, thereby ensuring that nosy buttheads (DH included!) will not see what I don’t want them to see, until I decide they can!
i did NOT check that box.. I never do… I guess I’ll have to start.. but honestly. when I tell you I buy EVERYTHING from Amazon and have since before online shopping was cool.. and never has anything come to my house in anything other than an unmarked package.. frack.
I almost broke up with Amazon a couple months ago. Like you, wanted to, but never will be able too. I was at Target today, looking at razor scooters and thought ‘no I’ll look on amazon when I get home.’ Did you call and ask why they weren’t shipped in the smiley face brown box?! I’d be pissed too! Ugh…
3 things:
1- you are a phenomenal liar! Seriously! That shit is dope! Mad Skills in the story fabrication department!
2- I really hope they don’t want to go with you to deliver the awesome gifts to the needy children
3-Maybe the Grandparents can “buy” them from you to give to the kids… at a discount of course!
……… FA RA RA RA RA. RA RA RA RAAAAA!
Oh I’d be livid! I am in awe of your control from not dialing up the complaint department while 3 kids are crying in the background that Santa doesn’t exist!
That’s what happens when companies hire untrained staff for the holidays. They’re not paid to think. They’re paid to get it packed and out the door. This is a lesson for all of us. Be v-e-r-y specific about our expectations. So sorry!
Same dayum thing happened to me with birthday presents. I also homeschool. They get the mail and packages a lot of the time. I could MURDER companies for not covering crap up. Seriously? A box of 400 diapers is one thing, a Barbie playhouse is another. I totally feel for you.
Uuuh i’m drinking. I’M not homeschool. I do homeschool my kids though. They’re gonna turn out great. Damn you, Barefeet Winery Moscato…
While you’re at it ask for a price adjustment too. They are currently selling them for $129!!! I’d be so pissed I would demand that refund. http://www.amazon.com/Razor-13111290-eSpark-Electric-Scooter/dp/B00467B8PY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354234481&sr=8-1&keywords=razor+espark+electric+scooter
That is exactly why I just had a trampoline delivered to my parents house instead of mine. I was scared the box would be too big for me to hide and that it would have pictures on it…….don’t know why, but I just had a feeling.
Oh I’d be ticked off too!
You can’t possibly return those scooters and get completely different ones? Enought that they would know they weren’t the same ones? I would make Amazon give me better scooters for the same price!
I would be fucking furious. I would be drinking a bottle of wine and calling mother fuckers up and and not acting like the lady I am.
I am proud of your retraint.
U R Dumb.
Or restraint….
Same thing happened to me thank goodness it was the 5 yr old who is oblivious and the baby that were home and not the nosey 8 and 6 yr olds!
What happened to Tuesday with gooley? I miss his post
After being pissed at Amazon for being an asshat I would move on to UPS for leaving $600 worth of stuff in my driveway for anyone to admire and decide they want too. My UPS guy hides my $50 make-up deliveries why leave this expensive stuff out there?
Lisa, you make a damn good point, too!
Oh my, pissed is right! But hey, I know it isn’t cool but Great Job on the Lie!!! Hope you find another gift to give that still brings a sparkle to their eyes!! But oh, since you’re into disappointment right now – having teenagers will ruin Christmas when anything shows up at the door and they get home from school before you
– just saying, from experience!
You are right…it’s that your-father-and-I-would-NEVER-buy-you-this feeling that was totally just ruined. That blows! That is my favorite part of being Santa…getting my kids the things I have flat-out refused to get them all year long!
I’m so sorry that your moment was ruined. Maybe I will put Amazon on ice, too, just for you. At Christmastime, I am also BFF with those bastards!
That is so wrong. Was it from one of their sellers? I had never received anything from Amazon without the brown smiley box until last month. I ordered some Morrocan Oil hair mask, and one of the sellers from their marketplace sent it to me in a freakin padded envelope. The jar had cracked and the stuff was all over the inside of the envelope. They refunded my money, but wtf? Amazon is slipping.
I hope you complained.
That’s horse poop. I agree with Amy that you deserve at least a discount for the few minutes you were probably having a heart attack while thinking Santa may have just been ruined for your kids.
On a side note, I am so envious of your ability to do all your shopping online. With a 1 year old and a 5 year old, I can never get out by myself (I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself half the time). I would really love to shop online, but I am afraid because I don’t know the basic rules and guidelines to follow to make sure I don’t get fleeced or have my credit card information stolen or have my Santa gifts show up while my children are standing at the door. Is there any possibility (please, please, please) that you could do one of your amazing and hilarious posts on the “do’s and dont’s” of shopping online?
THAT my friend is an excellent idea! I’m on it;)
And then of course Amazon in the UK have fudged their books so well that it would appear that they didn’t actually make ANY profit and therefore have never paid any tax in a country where they do £200 million turnover every year… Boycott away HMM!!!
psssst… i was here.
Just found your blog and I’m glad I did! Hilarious!! It’s funny how different people’s traditions can be…all your gifts are from Santa and growing up all my “cheap” gifts were from Santa. Mom and Dad didn’t want the imaginary fat man receiving all the credit
I’m sorry hon that really sucks! I hate that they do that. My kitchenaide mixer came in like that. Someone could just swipe it. WTF!? And Hi! I been MIA a while!
In the same boat….I’ve been a long time Prime Member, I too fear our love affair is coming to an end, I’ve met a new love, Soap.com (plus they have tons more organic options and environmentally friendly cleaning products etc.)
Of course if you all need anything maternity or baby related please check out:
https://hmandbb.com/
We’re a family run business and it’s hard for us to compete against the giants…despite having great products and exceptional customer service..something you just don’t find at Amazon anymore :/.
i’m checking it out NOW! AS long as I can go online, get quick shipping and good service, I’m there