Sooo.. today after a wonderful morning at the beach, an incredible beach thunder storm, a great lunch and several cocktails (cuz that’s what you do when it rains at the beach) (or when it’s sunny)… we came back to the house to shower. And life was grand. And I was happy. And everything was awesome.
Until the toilet overflowed and wouldn’t stop.
Even after I turned off the water~ it wouldn’t fricking stop.
And there were two turds in there from an unkown source and a tampon from a known source.
And I spent 30 minutes and 750 towels cleaning it up.
And it wasn’t super gross. Except for I knew what was in the toilet. So I had the dry heaves.
Eventually, I got it all dried and cleaned and the towels in the wash.
Then I showered.
THEN I went outside to the back deck.
THEN the kids came out to ask me some stupid shit about the iPad.
I’m a yeller. My kids are unphased by yelling.
I did not yell.
I was so calm and silent and beside myself I could barely find words.
(I forgot my Zoloft at home, btw)
“Mom,, can we…..?”
most hushed voice my children have ever heard ” Listen to me and listen to me good…. I just spent 30 minutes cleaning up shit water. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk to you . I don’t want to see you and I don’t want to hear you. Do NOT talk to me about games or apps or anything else electronic. Unless you are bleeding on on fire, pretend I do not exist for the next 30 minutes”
Miracle of miracles~~ it worked! I haven’t seen or heard from them…
I had a beer.
I feel better.
I’m gonna keep pretending that I’m pissed so they keep leaving me alone.
End of story.
Except for the part of the story where I love Muffy.
I was clearly pissed. I was clearly annoyed. It wasn’t a huge deal in the big scheme of things… but it was at the moment. And Muffy totally got it. She (freshly showered and sans shit water) came out in a towel..
What do you need Princess?
A lighter, some Zoloft, a lobotomy and an ablation.
let me find you a lighter.
I seriously love her.
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