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Hot Mess Mom » Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » Shotguns for Christmas. Or maybe a unicorn.

Shotguns for Christmas. Or maybe a unicorn.


Number Three:   Mom, for Christmas, I’m going to ask for my own laptop, my own iPad, some video games and a new puppy. 

Number Two:  Yeah, and I’m gonna ask for all of that too, but I’m also going to ask for three-hundred dollars.

Number Three:  Number Two!!  You can’t ask for three-hundred dollars!  That will be too much!

Me:  Are you two high?

Them:  What??  We can ask for those things.

Me:  Sure you can.  While you are at it, you should also ask for a car.  And a shotgun.  With bullets!  Lots and lots of bullets!

Number Two:  Why do you want us to ask for a shotgun? 

Me:  Because while you are asking for things that you will NEVER EVER get, you may as well cover them all.

Number Three:   Number Two, remember when you asked for a pony and then you got that little plastic pony in your stocking?  Santa is tricky.

Number Two:  That pony sucked.  

Number Three:  You should ask for a horse instead.  A horse is more reasonable than a pony.

Me:  Why don’t you ask for a unicorn?  Or an elephant?  Or …..or…..  Oh!  I know!!  Why don’t you ask for a honey badger??

Them {in unison}:  ‘Cuz honey badger don’t give a beep.

This was the conversation on the way to children’s choir practice.  I’m fairly certain that it isn’t over.  Will keep you posted.   I’m expecting the letters to Santa to include Anthrax, a drum set and maybe some roofies. 

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Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent · Tags:



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12 Responses to "Shotguns for Christmas. Or maybe a unicorn."

  1. Amy M.R. says:

    I’m almost jealous. My two girls both have birthdays next month and then there is Christmas. The only thing the little one says she wants is Legos and the older one just wants to go to Discovery Cove. That’s it. They can’t think of anything else. Let’s see Christmas morning with nothing under the tree. sigh…

  2. leah p says:

    Should totally get them Barbie laptops

  3. Julie says:

    Christmas lists for #1 & #2 change by the hour. #3 just wants whatever his brothers want, because he’s going to steal it and fuck it up anyway. I just want to know what the hell I need to go put on layaway before the Black Fri-frickin Day of Hell clears the shelves of everything my kids want and they end up with dust-bunnies & expired peanuts.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      i only purchase online. They generally don’t ask for a lot. ( a lot of real things)…..

  4. Nikki says:

    I asked my 5 year old granddaughter what she wants for Christmas. She looked at me with those big blue eyes and said ‘everything, grandma’. Everything it shall be then.

  5. Cheri says:

    Ok, I just spit on my computer when I read your last line! Hilar!

  6. Mary says:

    I like that they got got the honey badger thing. Sounds a lot like my family.

  7. Kristen Mae says:

    OMG. And I just saw a Christmas commercial already yesterday. I wanted to throw the remote control through the TV. I love Christmas but WTF!?!?!

  8. JoJo says:

    Coincidentally, I am currently up for adoption….

  9. Kimberly says:

    I hope my child doesn’t get wind of this cause that boy is getting underwear…maybe socks.
    We go all out over in this hizzle.

  10. Shana says:

    OMW!!! Thank you for preparing me what I have to look forward to! Now I realize why I said a bike for my 23 month old for Christmas is enough of a present!! haha I believe in setting the bar low so I don’t have to worry about them wanting to beat it every year!

  11. Glory says:

    I’m so glad I found your blog! I recently started a ‘mom-blog’ and I have such a snarky tone, I was getting a bit discouraged that I wouldn’t find a place that I fit in. And then I found your hilarious blog! Hooray for your honesty and all the (literal) crap that comes with mommyhood… and actually talking about it. In public and everything! I look forward to reading regularly. I also added a link to you on our homepage at

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