Hot Mess Mom » Family, I may be PMSing... » Seven should know better than to annoy me.
Seven should know better than to annoy me.
Soo.. Seven has been kind of assholish for the past few days. And he sort of has a reason to be aggravated with me, but I totally acknowledged that he was right—the FIRST time he brought it up. So, by the third time he mentioned it, I’m ready to cut a motherfucker.
{Note: Muffy, The 2-carat princess and The Ice-Queen recounting our very messy and very expensive weekend to him didn’t help.}
Anyhoo… he’s being an ass and he’s on my nerves.
As you know.. we got a call yesterday (immediately after I wrote THIS POST) that the kids’ school was on lock-down due to a suspected gunman. Obviously, my stomach dropped to my knees, I was shaky and full of fear… I ran outside with my keys in hand to tell Seven what was going on as I headed up to the school. He was edging the lawn with earphones in.
Turn it OFF! (I’m yelling.)
What? I don’t want to turn it off.. it’s hard to restart.
TURN IT FUCKING OFF!!! ( I’m beside myself and about to rip that shit out of his hands.)
He does the eye-roll/ big sigh combo that makes me want to kick him in the face…and turns it off.
I tell him what’s going on and leave.
Everything was fine.
I cam home with the kids… last day of school… rushed to get everyone in bathing suits, bag packed, etc for a Summer-Kick -Off party….
Seven, Can I borrow your sunglasses? I can’t find mine and we have go right now.
No.
Excuse me?
No. You don’t take care of your stuff. You can’t wear my glasses.
Are you fucking kidding me?
So I shoot daggers at him, peel out, call Muffy….
Can you bring me some sunglasses?
Of Course.
Sooo…when I got home last night…there were Seven’s sunglasses… All perfect and shiny and uncontaminated by HMM essence.
So I hid them.
Cuz he’s a prick.
This morning he’s trying to get out of the house to go play golf and he’s walking in circles.
What are you looking for?
My sunglasses.
Humph. Well, I’m not allowed to wear them so I can’t tell you where they are. If I HAD worn them yesterday, then I would be able to tell you exactly where I placed them when I got home. But I didn’t. Cuz I wasn’t allowed. Cuz I don’t take care of my shit. Except for of course…your children.
Did you do something with them?
What would I do? I’m not allowed to touch them.
Oh my God D….where did you put them?
{giggling} I dunno what you are talking about
Give me my glasses. And you can’t be mad that I didn’t let you wear them. You really DON’T take care of stuff.
I can be mad if I want and you are an asshole.
Can I please just have my glasses? I have got to go.
They are in the fruit bowl. Next time they will be in the garbage. Or the pool. Or my asshole.
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LMAO “Or my asshole”. Favorite part.
I love Seven, and you’re an asshole. Except for the whole wanting to rip the edger and earphones out of his hands, I feel ya on that.
btw- you better take this back.
I just shot coffee out of my mouth laughing hilariously at this. I thought I was the only one who did shit like this! LOVE IT!!!
diablolical(sp?) women need to stick together
Thank God I hadn’t just taken a drink of my Diet Coke (out of my There’s a chance this is vodka water bottle, natch) or I would have ruined my laptop. That is funny. Glad I’m not the only one.
why is there diet coke in your water bottle?
Did you really think we put water in those “water bottles”? Hahahahahahahaha
absolutely not.. but I didn’t think it would be strait soda either
Hahaha! My husband asked me the other day where my creative new adjectives for his assholishness were coming from. I told him that women never reveal their sources. He rolled his eyes, called me a lunatic and asked if I took my meds.
Thank you HMM! Enjoy your summer break with the boys
i’m a wordsmith of insults.
Seriously? They will NEVER understand all the things we do to get 3 kids and ourselves out of the house…..bunch of fuckers
fucktards.
A-freakin-men sistas.
ohmygod I love this so much!!!!!!!!!! Last line is a classic.
i am to please
OMFG – the last line is now MY new line…laughing so hard i can hardly contain myself!
tell me next time you use it in a sentence.
Wow have you ever thought of being a comedian? You are hilarious…I know that eye roll/big sigh combo that makes me want to shoot people…. it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t want to cut my man:)
i’m gonna kill him.
Be careful with that one. “i’m gonna kill him” cuz let me tell ya…God forbid something actually happen to the guy because they would be ALL over you…
because as I keep telling my Hubs who just rolls his eyes and says “yeah, I’ve heard this theory..pass the chips”
People don’t pay attention to normal coincidences that happen everyday until someone ends up dead.
Seriously …think about it!
I will elaborate in a future post at my blog on my theory…trust me there is a reason everyone I know thinks there is something wrong with me.
Loathed caveman here… Obviously there is a history of not taking care of shit. Of course you nail the biggies like taking care of the kids.BUT that does not entitle you to a steady stream of eyewear.
Since we were a non taking care of shit couple I had to evolve into the shit taker carer. Its annoying as hell. I buy a flashlight every fucking month. New I-pod or some shit every 6 months. The car? Its a wonder there is any fluid in it besides gas and caprisun dribble.
I understand though your frustration but I gotta back the dude on this one…Asshole? Yeah thats fine I am sure he would agree….
‘back the dude’.. really? you and gooley are peas in a pod.
also… i’m gonna give Dawn some lessons in passive-agressive behavior…
Oh gawd…If Dawn found this outlet I would perish. I am sure the venom is been well stored up waiting to spew.
Next time, put them in the blender.
Next time give them to the kids. They r the only reason we can’t take care of our shit b/c they destroy things and seventy five percent of the shit they ruin or spill is shit my asshat husband left out where those sneaky ninjas could get there hands on it. I can’t even count the number of times he’s left a can or glass on the end table for my nine month old to pour all over herself and then said “well why did u let her do that?” seriously????
I heard that shit just the other day! Seriously dude, if you are going to leave some endlessly enticing something they aren’t supposed to have within reach, the sneaky ninjas WILL get it. Just because you are a douchecanoe doesn’t mean it’s MY fault your crap got ruined simply because you chose to saunter off to take a dump or suck on a cancer-stick. But I’m not bitter. Nope, not me.
*their
I love it! I would have put them in his his golf bag; just to work his nerves and piss him off. HA!
I am so glad I’m not the only one! My husband is always saying how ” Childish” I am for doing that same tyoe of shit. Oh shit… Your making me feel empowered.
Oh, I LOVE this! Seven reminds me of my husband…I fact we had almost the exact same conversation about his sun glasses only he really did misplace them and I found them in a totally “unsafe” place for someone who claims to take better care of his glasses. Normally he is super careful with them….but do you think I will let him live it down? Heck no! I am throughly enjoying your blog. Thanks for sharing!