Hot Mess Mom » Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » PETA wouldn’t have me. (alternate title: hermit crabs are stupid)
PETA wouldn’t have me. (alternate title: hermit crabs are stupid)
Soo, you know how I don’t think that anything that costs less than $10 is “real money”? (See HERE for clarification)
Well apparently I also don’t think that anything with less than four legs is a real animal. Or at least an animal worth caring about. I’m not proud of this and I’ve never realized this about myself. Until yesterday.
Driving home from the beach we passed a surf shop with a sign out front that said “Free Hermit Crab with Purchase”.
Number One: Mom!! Can we go get more hermit crabs??
Of course not. Didn’t I drown your other hermit crabs?
Number One: Oh. I didn’t think you’d remember that.
Seven: Dude.. she remembers everything.
Number One: How did they drown again?
I got tired of cleaning the cage,– ya’ll weren’t doing it like you PROMISED you would, so I set them free. I thought they would be happy living in the pool enclosure… It’s huge, there are plants and sand and a screen to keep them safe. I thought I was being humane.
Seven: Until you found them at the bottom of the pool?
It never occurred to me that they would fall in the pool. How stupid. How can they even survive in the wild if they don’t have the sense to not go in the pool?
Seven: By “the wild” do you mean “the beach” where they LIVE and need to be near water and have never encountered a 9 foot pit of chlorine?
Whatever.
Number One: Don’t forget that before you killed them, you got one drunk.
That was not me! That was Daddy!
Seven: What are you talking about?
Remember.. you gave it “fresh water” in it’s bowl.. but you used the “water” from my mom’s glass on the table.
{Note: Seven took a random dinner glass and poured it into the hermit crabs bowl. About an hour later, my mom was saying “Where is my martini? It was right here on the table.” Oh. My. God. We rushed to the hermit crab cage and one of the crabs was sitting IN the bowl of vodka not moving. We rinsed him off and hoped for the best. He eventually came to– the next day}
Seven: Whatever, I don’t even think hermit crabs CAN get drunk. I’m sure he was fine.
Number Two: Mom… you really aren’t good with animals.
A hermit crab is barely an animal. And if you guys would take care of the things you beg me for than it wouldn’t be an issue. And anyway… I take care of the dog. The hermit crabs committed suicide. I cannot be blamed for that.
Number One: What about my fish that you flushed? (more about that HERE) Or what about that tadpole kit that I got and then you dumped all those frogs in the river?
Oh. Well, I had forgotten about that.
Number One: Obviously.
Listen.. obviously I can take care of you monkeys and the dog. That’s it. You want something else.. you take care of it. You don’t take care of it– apparently my only course of action is to dump it in the river.
Number One: Wow Mom.. Just wow.
Shut it.
Number Three: Can I get a snake or a bearded dragon?
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Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
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BB just said he “would be very happy to shoot crows.” referring to the beligersnt blackbirds that have taken over. PETA has their hands full.
That about killed me with laughter – I do fine taking care of the hubby and child and the 3 cats but I am not good with hamsters, aquarium crabs, fish, etc…. I so relate….
My number 2 planted a lima bean at school, and brought it home after it had grown. It was supposed to be a mother’s day gift. She told her teacher she would give it to her dad, “Cause Mommy kills every plant around”.
Don’t sweat the small things. It’s the big things we need to keep alive! (I have yet to kill one of the kids or pets… except for that time I ran over a “raccoon” … dog.)
and that OTHER time that you ran over that raccoon right after Seven hit it first.
yeah. that time too. I’m Hell in a Mini Van!
Still laughing as I type!!! Too funny. Yesterday, while I was in the shower, my youngest wanted to know that if the dog did not return (apparently he had decided to make a run for it up the driveway the moment I stepped into the shower) could we get a puppy??? And then an iguana??? Please, please, please???
my boys ( who I have to yell at to feed and play with our current dog, ask all the time for a puppy. They are clearly high.
This is hilarious! I kept saying that everyone had to be out of diapers before we even got a dog, because I only wanted one living creature pooping in the house at a time. But my daughter is still not potty-trained and several months ago I blacked out for a few weeks, and came to standing in the middle of my back yard at midnight holding onto a leash with a tiny dog attached to the end of it. I eventually recovered my memory (and wrote an annoyingly long blog post about it), and the animal is miraculously still not dead.
Hermit crabs for sure aren’t happening in my house (unless I black out again, then I’m screwed). 
my 13 year old dog died when Number Three was 3 months old. I had a 3 1/2 year old, an 18 month old, a 3 month old and a full time job. I thought I’d be relieved but I have literally never NOT had a dog… I lasted about 2 months.. got a puppy.. Everyone said I was nuts… My philosophy.. I’m cleaning shit every day anyway… what’s the difference?? I had 5 years of shit cleaning and now am in my 5th year feces free
(unless you count my kids inability to flush the toilet)
vodka jacuzzi and pool party, i’d say the hermits were living like crustacean rock-stars!
true dat.
Really great story! I laughed a lot…I wonder did hermit crabs have a hangover the next day?
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