Hot Mess Mom » Archive
I had a slow leak (not a metaphor) and now I need a wife.
We had a leak in our kitchen. It was apparently a “slow leak” which is the poison apple of all leaks… causes damage before you even know it’s there. My kitchen floors are now buckled. I filed an insurance claim and it was all pretty painless. The kitchen floors were old and I’m not attached. Except for the damage is not just in my kitchen. It’s in my office. And playroom. And the floors I have throughout the rest of the house will now have to be replaced. I LOVE my floors. LOVE THEM. Took me months to find them, had to have them special ordered and spent a fuckton of money on them. And 6 years later, I still love them.. scratches and all. And now I have to pick new … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Grown-up time, Things that are NOT awesome
I’m not a team player
As I posted last week, I’ve hired a cleaning service. I’m pretty fracking happy about it too. Returning to my uber clean house the other day reminded me of our first house. And our first maid. The maid that Seven didn’t know we had. The story goes a little something like this: Seven & I both worked full time. We had two kids under 2 1/2. We had enough money to pay our bills, but nothing extra. I was so busy, I was so tired… I worked days and he worked til 11 at night. We saw each other a few hours a week. I hired a maid. She came on Wednesday afternoons when I went to my parents for dinner. She scrubbed the shit out of my house.. It was ridiculously … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family
I did NOT have a lizard in my vagina. But my friend did.
I am in the car heading to my happy place ( Saint Simons Island). Checked my Facebook. There was a status from a friend saying “There was a lizard in my pants at the game” The rest is documented below. You are welcome;) … Read entire article »
Filed under: Uncategorized
How to Start a Home Based Disney Vacation Business ~ Sponsored Post
Terri Brown is the owner and founder of The Travel Academy LLC. She works with mothers that want to realize their dream of having their own home based business. As an owner of a travel company since 1993, Terri Brown has been consulting families on Disney vacations for 20 years. She is a mother of two and has raised her children while working full-time in her business. What if you could start a real business at home that allows for you to make more money and spend more time with your family by teaming up with great companies like Disney, Universal, and Sea World to create amazing vacations and get paid to send people to the “happiest place on Earth?” As the founder of The Travel Academy and creator of the Orlando Vacation … Read entire article »
Filed under: Uncategorized
This is how Seven & I fight
Seven & I bicker all of the time. We are both sarcastic and snarky with a little mean mixed in for good measure. We don’t FIGHT a lot, we argue occasionally, but mostly it’s bickering where one or both of us is giggling throughout. Yesterday, however, we ARGUED. Please bear witness to our argument. Scene: I’m in the middle of a fucktillion things and trying to get showered and out of the house before the maids come. Seven calls..“Hey, the sprinkler guy is on his way over there, you need to show him where everything is” Assuming that Seven is at his office 45 minutes away, I said “Shit.. okay.. let me go.. I’ve got to jump in the shower and finish up my shipments before the ladies come” I did … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Family
March- in an eggshell
March has been a big month. I’ve travel, eaten and drank through New Orleans, Savannah and Saint Simons. We’ve had family birthdays, school events and Spring Break. I’ve spent a shitton of money and gained a shitton of weight. I’ll be posting “March- A pictorial” soon. Today is Easter. The last day of the month. The holiest day of the year. Whilst at Sunrise service this morning, I was seated next to an elderly gentleman who required assistance getting up and down from his chair during the mass. At one point, when I bent down to help him, my button on my pants popped. And flew out to the chair in front of me. So, while I am feeling blessed and at peace and happy that this month is nearly over so … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Things that are NOT awesome
Extreme Easter Egg Hunting~ Original Post date 4/8/12
I have a sister. She is 2 years younger than me. Every Easter when we were little, our parents had an Easter egg hunt for us. When we got to college, they continued to hide eggs. Filled with money. The egg hunt at my parents house is famous. Any boyfriend, roommate, friend or relative that has ever spent Easter with our family remembers the egg hunt. My sister was an SEC collegiate athlete. I prefer a glass of wine to exercise. The minute she sees me move towards a spotted egg, she comes in for the kill. She’s fast and she’s strong. I am neither. Bitch. Our egg hunts are knock-down drag-out fights. Some eggs have a quarter. Some have a 20-dollar bill. Others have everything in between. Some years my dad hid as much … Read entire article »
Baking with your children can help to improve their education ~~Sponsored Post
Baking is an activity that parents and children can really enjoy together. It’s messy, tasty and creative fun – three things that most children would love to combine! As well as the fun element, however, baking also has another function that is just as important. This function is its educational aspect. Baking merges a broad range of skills that can greatly improve your child’s education from start to finish. Simple activities such as counting can be incorporated at any stage for children to complete from counting how many ingredients are needed for the recipe, to working out how many cupcake cases can fit on the tray. Baking also provides the perfect opportunity to teach older children basic units of measurement such as pounds and ounces. As well as math skills, children … Read entire article »
Filed under: Products & Reviews
‘cuz “heck” is a bad word
My oldest niece (8) is a pleaser. She does everything right, would never get in trouble, and is basically the sweetest thing on Earth. My sister just sent me this recap of their morning conversation: Is fuck a bad word? What? Fuck WHAT? FUCK. Is fuck a bad word? Yes. That is a REALLY bad word. Who said it? Me. Who??? Me. When?? Why?? At the playground. I know HECK is a bad word so I said FUCK instead. I’m sorry. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family
St. Patrick’s Day- 2013 Savannah, Ga
St. Patrick’s Day in Savannah… This was our 7th or 8th year. Such a great weekend. Don’t know who has more fun, the kids or the adults.. {okay, probably the adults… but it’s a close call}. It’s the 2nd largest St. Pat’s celebration in the world, and the longest parade in the U.S. We had a great set up…. bull riding, blow up doll Leprechaun, ‘Hot Mess” award ribbons, Jameson, the Irish Whiskey baby, and more And, of course, as you will see by the photo evidence… I really DO think people like when I make fun of and/or violate them whilst drinking. It’s a problem. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Travel, Vodka Baby, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
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