Hot Mess Mom » Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » Number One and the case of the missing homework.
Number One and the case of the missing homework.
Less than 48 hours ago, I wrote about Number Two, his learning disability, his hard work, and the encouragement of his new teacher.
I have three boys. They are all very different. Today…{sigh}… I write about Number One, his ridiculously high intelligence, his total, complete and utter laziness, and how crazy he is going to make his new teachers.
Number One is in 6th grade– middle school. He is in advanced/honors classes in every subject. He regularly received C’s in elementary school. He doesn’t complete many assignments and half-asses the ones he does. He is brilliant. He is lazy. He is disinterested. He is me.
He is ME. To the core of his being, he is ME. We butt heads constantly. We yell at each other. I HATE his laziness and lack of motivation. I hate the things in him that I hate in myself.
You cannot teach motivation. I know this. I am 40 years old. I am still the queen of “good enough”. I do things “good enough”. Unless it’s something I’m passionate about in which case I kick ass. Number One hasn’t found his passion yet. He does not kick ass.
We had long long exhausting long conversations all summer about how things HAD to go in Middle School.
You cannot get C’s in middle school. C’s are not acceptable. You cannot NOT turn in your work in middle school. Missed assignments are not acceptable. You are getting high school credit in 7th grade. Do I want to talk to you about college while you are 11 years old? No, I don’t. But you are smart and you are taking smart classes. You literally will be getting high school credits in the 7th grade. Which means every grade you receive effects your college choices. Now listen… you will go to college. You will get into college. That is not an issue. The issue is do you want to go to Eastern South Dakota College- annex campus, or Florida State University? “Cuz if you think you are going to attend FSU or LSU by doing C work, you are wrong. But listen.. this is YOUR life.. I made my choices, you will make yours. And if you don’t crack down and start taking school seriously, no worries… I’m sure college in South Dakota is super fun.
We are in our 5th week of school. So far so good. He has not argued with me about homework. He has asked questions, he has stayed fairly organized, and he actually seems to be enjoying his classes. There were a few “whoops, I forgot that at home” moments. That happens.. especially at the beginning of the year. I addressed it, I was not thrilled but he was not punished…No biggie.
As you know, last week I was in New Orleans. Seven was in charge. I have mentioned before that Seven & One are in love… so in love with each other that if they could move to an island alone without me, Two or Three, they totally would. They do not recognize each others flaws or weaknesses. I left Seven a to-do list broken down by day, by child. Any assignments or tests that I knew of before I left were on the list. Anything assigned during the week was not. I wasn’t here but I can imagine that afternoon conversations between Seven & One went a little like this:
Hey pal. Any homework?
Nah.. just a little
…………..5 minutes later
I’m done
Great! Wanna hold hands and cuddle together? We can tell each other how awesome we are.. yay us!!
When I got home on Monday, I asked all of the kids how their week was. Great.. all was well. Super. On Friday, I recieved an email listing the FIVE (5) FIVE assignments that Number One did not turn in. Five assignments in one week— not done. FIVE.
I barely have words. Today, in addition to completing all of those missing assignments (whether or not he will recieve credit), I made him write a letter of apology to each teacher.
I’m still mad at him. I have informed him that the next time this happens, I will walk with him to the bus-stop every morning for a week. If it happens again after that, I will make a hotmessmom t-shirt that says “I don’t know how to do my homework” and he will wear it to school. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Neither do I. However, he did a pretty good job on his letters… so, there’s that.
Dear Mrs. …
I am sorry for not turning in my assignments on time. I was careless and forgot about them. Please accept them for late credit. I know it is disrespectful and will not happen again. I know that you come to school every day and teach others. It must be hard coming every day even on weekends to grade papers and stuff. I know that to succeed in *** I have to complete assignments on time and with my best work.
I am sorry that I am making your job harder by not turning in my home work when it is due.
Sincerley , Number One
{now, do YOUR homework and click that banner!}
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Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
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Two things stand out… “I hate the things in him that I hate in myself.” Ouch. That’s totally me and my number 1. Never wanted to think of it that way
We are oddly quite opposite at the same time. When you get the whole “disinterested/lazy” thing figured out…please let me know.
Then there’s this… “Great! Wanna hold hands and cuddle together? We can tell each other how awesome we are.. yay us!!” Bwaaaahahahahahahahaha!
OMG I thought you were writing about my son and I! He’s in 7th grade…. SAME deal. I HATE being the homework nazi. BUt he can’t do it unless I’m on his case. I’ve tried all manner of things. I’ve even brought in the big guns (dad) who helps but I’m tired of the fight.
I hope you can work it out. If you do let me know… If I magically discover the secret I promise to share.
Wow. Sucks to be you. My kids do all of their homework and get straight A’s. I sit around and drink every evening. Have you read a parenting book or two, I mean, that Dr Sears fellow knows his stuff.
Is dr sears the guy that sells lawn mowers?
Yeah. He does lawns and gives parenting advice. Or maybe that’s Dr. Spock.
As a former junior high teacher, Thank you. I wish more parents would have taken an interest in homework like you are for #1. I know it sucks, (I,m dealing with this issue with my own daughter) but that letter would have made a huge difference in my teaching life.
Yes! Teachers and parents communicating and working together! PUH-LEASE!!! Yes yes yes.
Omg. This is my thing 1!!!!! She is now a junior and unfortunately I cant say the every day battle with the bullshitting about school work has ever stopped. Now Its come to me holding her license over her head so she can get into college and not work at McDonald’s the rest of her life. Which I’m pretty sure the only one that gives 2 shits about this is ME!! And yes she is ME also but actually a much better version!!
Number 2 in my house has a 171 IQ, I know cause I have had him tested, I thought he had a disability. Not so much. Try to get the homework under control before year end. By 7th grade in Indy teachers dont let ya know that your wonder-under achiever isnt turning in the work that you are standing over him with a bull whip and forcing him to do. My son brought home an F and mother freaking F for the grade period last year in math, just so happened it came in the mail with his standardized test scores. Kid scored higher then all but 1% in the state in guess what? Math…(bangs my head softly against wall)
same thing thing. same exact thing. I only know because it’s a county program you can sign up that notifies you weekly of any grade under an 80%.
And, while my #1 is fracking off the charts as well, last year on his standardized tests he got a 3! (out of possible 5.. he always gets strait 5s) A fucking 3..wanna know why? cuz he got bored and christmas treed it. IN FIFTH GRADE… ugh.
The letter was a nice touch!
I too, am destined to be a homework Nazi. I accept this challenge… *squints eyes like Clint Eastwood*
My 6-year-old tested gifted, AND has ADHD. He forgets his lunchbox like 3 times per week, and gets every math problem correct except for the ones he skips over and forgets to do.
PS I would’ve KILLED the Hubs. GEEZ.
Awesome. I am stealing this idea – and the bus stop threat. I love creative & useful punishments (i’ve made my son trim the yard with scissors). I’m also glad I only missed a day last week…
To mak: “I made my son trim the yard with scissors” bwahahahahaha! That made me totally LOL
@mak – trimming the yard with scissors?! Frickin’ AWESOME! I am totally stealing that.
@Kristen Mae – I would have killed hubs too – wanna share a cell? How flippin hard is it to read the list I left in plain sight after spending eleventy hours putting it together to be idiot-proof?
Oh HMM I feel ya. Seriously. And I only have 2 in elementary! Dramasaur is in 2nd grade. He almost flunked 1st because he didn’t like the way his teacher explained things, and didn’t like the books. What 1st grader even knows to question that?! We had him tested since learning disorders run in the hubs’ family, and there ain’t a damn thing wrong wit’ ‘im other than a high IQ and boredom. Um, hello there my little pot – I’m kettle and I’d like to welcome you to our support group. Blech.
Thankfully my mother was around to kick him in the ass this summer, and now he’s back to reading at grade level, and he’s started the accelerated reader program! Also have to thank the awesome teachers in the ASES program at our school – they are the homework nazis for Dramasaur. I only have to police Stanky at the moment.
I actually prefer having the boys pick up dog-bombs in the yard, scrub toilets with hand-held pumice stones, and use the bleach pen on the kitchen grout. I like the scissor-lawn idea. I may even have them trim the boxwood shrubs that way…
You and #1 are like me and #2. He’s a know it all. Can’t take no for an answer. Questions authority. Thinks he’s in charge of everything. Gheez! His mom’s an asshole!
As a former middle school teacher, I would have loved receiving a letter like that, just knowing that the parents were trying would have been great. It’s frustrating when kids aren’t working to their potential, but you’re awesome for continuing to hassle him and getting creative, so many parents quit really early with their kids. Hopefully I will remember your great ideas when I’m in the thick of it with school aged kids, I’m going to be hanging at the elementary school for the next decade ( can’t even think about middle school!)
WTF with the #1′s??? Mine came home and said btw, I have a project due tomorrow…I forgot…will you help me? When I said f no, he calmly decided to call my bluff and say, well, I guess one F is not that bad! He knows that I am an overachiever and would DIE if I ever got an F on a project…he thought I would cave and run to get the glue and scissors…he was WRONG! We are not speaking today because somehow, he thinks it is my fault that he will fail!!! MY FAULT?!? Wow, did I really create this monster???
Don’t give up ever! I was the homework nazi, I was the bad cop in the good cop/ bad cop scenario. I was the one who made them (4 of them) go to bed on time and brush their teeth and wash themselves properly. My wonderful #7 was the fun guy BUT he BACKED me on everything. Now that I have spoken so highly about myself… let me tell you this. IT ALL PAID OFF! My number 1 graduted from USF and lives in Memphis teaching. Her husband is in 2nd year dental school at UT. My number 2 went to trade school and now works for Progress Energy as a lineman and lives in St Pete Beach. My number 3 went to Barcelona on a gap year and now maintaines 3.0 at USF majoring in telecommunications while working and living in the sorority house. My baby #4 is a freshamn at Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton majoring in poli.sci. YES THEY WILL MAKE YOU PULL YOUR HAIR OUT! YES THEY WILL MAKE YOU WEEP! YES THEY WILL MAKE YOU SO PISSED OFF YOU QUESTION WHY YOU EVER WANTED KIDS but then they will make you so proud… when they walk across that stage and you hear their name called and they look to find you in a sea of faces. When they get their first apartment and their first real grown up job, the one they went to school for. When they leave home to be a productive member of society. When they thank you for being that crazed parent who nagged, cajoled, threatened, embarrased them… then you know…it was all worth it.
Sounds JUST like my first, daughter, and she is ME. It’s sad but true. She’s in 10th now and I’m hoping for the best, she’s not passionate about anything except makeup right now. I know her potential is huge, but when, when will it kick in???
[...] written before about Number One’s lack of motivation, poor grades, and off-the-charts I.Q. I’ve told you how frustrated I [...]
dear hmm, my son has pdd and is gluten free too. he exhibits the same problems when he gets gluten as you have said your son does. thank you for bringing this issue up to more peoples attention. keep spreading the
hmm i loved this story. my son has pdd and is gluten free also. he exhibits the same things when he gets gluten. thankk you for making more people aware of this diet, via you blog.