Night kayaking without my dad’s hearing aids…

Last night we went kayaking on a bioluminescence tour.  You can read about that HERE.

While the bioluminescence wasn’t as vivid and colorful as we were hoping/ expecting.. it was still VERY cool and such a super cool night spent with my parents and my kids.

Everything was funny, but probably “family funny” and not “interweb funny”…  so I’ll just give you the bullet points.

• Kayak 1-  me and Number One.  {note: my broken back}
• Kayak 2- my mom and Number Three {who may have a touch of narcolepsy}
• Kayak 3- my dad and Number Two {who did not want to go on this adventure at all}

My dad cannot hear.  Unless he wears hearing aids.  Which he didn’t.  My dad was also compulsively obsessed and worried about where my mom was at all times.  It should be noted there were over 20 kayaks, 2 people in each, in the pitch black night.  Each person wore a small green glow stick.. you could see where other kayaks were but you could not identify the passengers.

It was beautiful.  The sky was huge and full of stars.  It was quiet and super peaceful.

Until my dad started YELLING to my mom

“Where’s D? {I’m D, btw}

I’m over here.  (in normal volume)

D!! D!! Where’s D?

Oh my god.. I’m OVER HERE!

Note: no one else of the 50+ pp are even speaking much less yelling across the lagoon.

We paddled, we saw fish jumping, all was well.

D!  Where’s your mom?

She’s right behind me, Dad.

WHAT?

She’s right behind me!!   Please shush….

WHAT?

omg.

So we get to the bio area, play around in the glowing water, which was quite cool, and begin to start paddling back.  It’s 10:30 pm.

My mom was  a big help easing Number Two’s fears by telling him the water had “wiener eating fish”.   His reponse : “Awesome!  I’m gonna catch one and keep it for a pet.. I know JUST what to feed it!”..   there is something terribly wrong with us.

Number Three can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, especially when in motion.  We say he has motion narcolepsy.. cars, horse and buggies, trains, boats.. he’s OUT.   So it’s late, he’s 7 1/2, and my mom sees his head drop to the side.  Then sees his paddle floating away on the side of her kayak.  She has to paddle backwards to retrieve it, wakes up Number Three, and then a fish jumps in their boat.

After several attempts, Number Three catches the fish, throws it out of the boat and they try to catch up with the group.

Again.. there are over 20 kayaks.  It is late.  Everyone is tired.  It is SILENT other than the sounds of crickets and frogs.

My dad is in the front of the pack.

I am in the middle.

My mom is in the back.

bellowing:

D!! Where’s your mom??

Mom? you back there?

Yes!! {she now has the giggles and cannot stop laughing}

Dad!  She’s behind me!

OK!!

3 minutes later

D!! Where’s your mom??

omg.. Mom? you back there?

Yes!!

Dad!  She’s behind me!

OK!!

And this continues for the next 20 minutes.  He reaches the landing first, gets out, turns in his gear.  I’m next, I get out and turn in my gear.  He’s standing on the beach yelling at all the other kayaks coming in..

WIFE!  (i’ll use that instead of her name)

{she is now in hysterics}.. WHAT???

Come on!!  Come over here!! COME ON!

I’m stuck on a tree!  Don’t you think I would be coming if I could..  Give me a second.

{note..he cannot hear.. so he just keeps yelling}

COME ON WIFE!!  OVER HERE!!

I’m in a fit of laughter walking to the car to get dry clothes.  I can hear her laughing from the water.  He’s yelling and clearly very concerned that she will not be able to find the landing full of colorful kayaks if he stops acting as an airhorn.

She gets in and heads to the car.  We are laughing almost too hard to speak.  She starts undressing right next to the car.

Here Mom.. I’ll hold this towel.

I don’t give a shit.  I am done with this.   I am soaking wet.  Noone is looking over here.

Nope.. I’m sure they wouldn’t be..except for you have on no shirt, a bra, and your green glow stick necklace.

hyterics ensue.  Again.

We get in the car to leave.  Every thing stinks.  Every one stinks.  I’m blaming it on Number Three.  It was not him.. it was the combo of feet and wet old tennis shoes, and muck and wet.

Now it’s 11:30 pm.  We have an hour drive home.

Number Three “Can we please stop so I can wash my hands? (remember, he had to catch a rogue fish in his kayak)

Me: Mom..do you have any hand sanitizer?

Mom:  No.

Me:  Number Three.. you’ll be okay..  just shut your eyes and I’ll put you in the shower when we get home.

Discussion continues about the variety of odors in the car.  My mom comments on the boys’ stinky feet.   We are about to pass a 7-11.

Number Three, very calmy and quietly from the back seat says

“Papa, will you please stop at 7-11.  My hands smell like my feet and that fish collided”

Me:  dying laughing.. “Oh my God Dad.. Stop the car! ”

So.. that is gist of our kayak tour {and pretty much every other family outing ever}

It was AWESOME!