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Hot Mess Mom » Antics, Grown-up time, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » My “inflatable friend” days are coming to an end ;(

My “inflatable friend” days are coming to an end ;(

 

If you’re a long-time reader, you know how much I love a blow-up doll.

J-Ho was a gift to The Senator when he was going to Saudi Arabia and we all gave him gifts that would either get him arrested or killed.  From that day forward, J-Ho was a card carrying member of our group.  She attended our parties, we bought her seasonal outfits, we threw her a birthday party, and she was a recurring fixture in our pranking antics.

J-Ho passed away in New Orleans at the Million MILF March.  She is gone, but never forgotten.   I came home from the Million MILF March with a midget man blow up.  I named him Peter Dinklage.  He’s fun, but he’s no J-Ho.

For Christmas, I gave the group Fatty Patty.  I figured we could never replace J-Ho so I should go in a different direction.  Fatty Patty kept us “rolling” at our Festivus Party, but she’s no J-Ho.  She’s short and wide and not nearly as easy to conceal as J-Ho was.  We did put her in a Festivus shirt at the party, and, luckily, she still has it on.

J-Ho was discovered several times over the years.  I have found her hanging from a hanger in my closet (the maid),  propped in a chair at a hotel (the maid), and once walked into my room to find my 16 year-old neighbor aghast in my closet.  She had come over to borrow shoes.  She got more than she bargained for.   But that’s only a hand-full of instances in a few years.

Fatty Patty’s only been alive for a month and she’s already been discovered by my nieces and my sons.  My boys clearly have LOTS of ammunition for their future therapists~ Fatty Patty’s not the catalyst for that.  However, they are getting older, and Fatty Patty is a little more detailed than J-Ho was.  AND she’s short, so she’s pretty much child-sized.

My nieces ( ages 8 & 6) came over the other day and, as always, headed straight to my closet to try on shoes.  They came out modeling a vast array of boots and heels for about 30 minutes.  My sister went in to check on them and started calling my name.   I RAN to my bedroom thinking there was something wrong.  There was.  Fatty Patty was drug out of the closet, face up on my bedroom floor, mouth agape.

“Nanan, what’s your doll’s name?”

“oh, uh, that’s Patty, lets put her away”.   

Later that night, all of the boys are supposed to be showering and I hear Numbers Two and Three yelling and laughing and chasing each other.  ”

What’s going on??” I yelled.

Number Two comes out out of breath from laughter and from chasing his brother.   “You know that doll you have in your closet?”

“yes”

“Well, Number Three put her outside of the bathroom door so when I got out of the shower and opened the door she fell into the bathroom on me.  AND I just put her outside of Number One’s bathroom so when he get’s out she’ll fall on him!!   But mine is even better cuz I made her boobies show!”

Of course, I was cringing and giggling at the same time.  Seven was less than pleased.  I’m going to have to deflate Fatty Patty now.

But not before I show you the highlight reel.  (click on any image to enlarge)

Click on the embedded links above for more stories/ photos of our inflatable antics.  I’m gonna miss them.  For Realz.

If you aren’t too mortified to vote, please visit Circle of Mom’s and vote for me for Top 25 Funny Moms 2013.  You can click on the “vote” button under Hot Mess Mom once every 24 hours until February 13th.  You’ll find me around #10.  Thank you!


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Filed under: Antics, Grown-up time, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

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9 Responses to "My “inflatable friend” days are coming to an end ;("

  1. Ahahahahaha Love that. And, really, J Ho is one of the best names EVER for a blow up doll. Gone, but not forgotten…is that Taps I hear?

  2. suzie says:

    I’m so jealous I totally need a blow up person in my house.

  3. Julie says:

    That. Is. Awesome. DH is too much of a prude to allow a Fatty Patty in the house…

  4. eileen says:

    I feel so cheated—- I spend an average of 2-3 hours at various therapy appointments for my 11 yr old daughter and I NEVER EVEN HAD A BLOW UP DOLL! Maybe thats where i went wrong as a parent- if only I would have had my very own J-HO then my kids would certainly be justified in going to therapy!!!! LOL

  5. Scottie says:

    I am not a prude and I do not have any kids. And my friends that bring theirs here know there is cussing, a lot of hats, fur coats, flash lights, crayons, knives and survivalist objects, dander-carrying pets, dog shit in the back yard, cigarette smoking and several bb guns that we all love to shoot day & night (and a plethora of grown up guns not for kiddie viewing, of course). All the kids just LOOOOOOVE coming to my house. I am regretful, I never had a blowup doll to add to the list of shit kids told their parents they had seen at Aunt Scottie’s.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      it’s not too late!! ;)

  6. joe dee says:

    dont retire, re-purpose with style. leave it in someones car (inflated or deflated) that is on the way to church, pick the boss up from the airport, dinner with in-laws… something blog-worthy. or blow it up and leave it floating in a pool full of seniors doing their aquabics class. take it into a movie theater and stealfully put it in the seat behind some unsuspecting person… when the lights come on, start pointing and just say duuuuuuude shaking your head. or blow her up, drive around a parking lot till you find a parked convertible withe the top down, then buckle her in the passenger seat and wait for the owner to return…. sky’s the limit for fatty patty’s swan song… jus sayin. :)

  7. Big girls need love too says:

    Fatty Patty hasn’t been buried yet….

  8. [...] week, I came to the realization that it was time for me to retire Fatty Patty.    It made me a little sad.  An old college friend {and I use that term loosely;} who is just as [...]

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