Hot Mess Mom » Ramblings, Uncategorized » Ladies- we have GOT to be more supportive of each other {yes-TIME MAGAZINE}
Ladies- we have GOT to be more supportive of each other {yes-TIME MAGAZINE}
I’m fairly certain that 75% of all “mom” bloggers in the US are writing about the Time Magazine Cover as I type.
Ya’ll know my motto.. “No judging”.
I saw the Time Magazine cover, I posted a link on Hot Mess Mom’s Facebook page and I asked for your thoughts.
And you gave them to me.
And you fought with one another. And name called. And got frustrated and emotional and downright angry. You used words like “disgusting, horrible, offensive, beautiful, miraculous, sexual, selfish, pathological, and idiotic” in addition to several four-letter adjectives.
And it’s my fault because I asked for your opinion. And since we are all about honesty here at HMM, you gave it to me honestly. And I loved reading your different opinions. I’m not a proponent of long-term breast feeding, therefore I didn’t do it. I will live with the consequences of my parenting choices and you will live with yours.
But here’s what bothers me…. you are all readers/ fans/ supporters of Hot Mess Mom, which means, although you are all different, you do have some things in common. I assume if you read this blog you have an open mind, a sense of humor, do not take yourself too seriously, and aren’t easily offended.
Until someone judges your parenting choices. Then you go all ape-shit. And that’s human nature. We vehemently protect ourselves and our families when we feel like we are being attacked. We behave irrationally when we feel persecuted. And we are ready to cut the bitch who disagrees with how we raise our children. I get it.
But it makes me sad. Terribly horribly sad.
I watch the news. I see suicide bombers in the Middle-East attacking Americans because of our different beliefs. I see us attacking back.
I see Republicans crucifying Democrats and Democrats slamming Republicans in every forum possible.
The 99 % are pitted against the 1%. Small businesses trying to survive in the shadow of Walmart.
Public school children receiving varying degrees of declining education. Debates about public, private and home schooling.
People fighting for equal rights and others fighting to maintain what they deem to be “normal” and “right”.
Christians, Muslims, Atheists… all convinced that the others are wrong. Not only different~~WRONG. Wrong, ignorant, stupid, brain washed and hell bound.
Adversity on top of aggression on top of fear and rage and lack of tolerance and understanding for anyone unlike ourselves.
So, if we as women; as mothers cannot support (while disagreeing with) one another’s choices in something as basic as feeding our children how in the hell do we expect anything to get better? Ever.
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While I enjoy reading all of your posts… I absolutely love this one! Well said!
Good job. Instead of judging each other, why not support each other. Stop all of the petty bullshit and just be fucking nice to each other.
I did not read all of the previous exchanges…but this was very well said. Good job friend!
I agree with you on the kumbaya stuff but I think the focus should be more on judging others than people feeling judged.
I could not agree more. I had to stop reading the comments after about 12. I too, breastfed my children. I cherished every second of it. However, I don’t judge anyone harshly who has chosen not to breastfeed, not would I condemn those who choose to do it for a prolonged period. To each their own
Beautifully written, heartfelt and true. Such great points throughout the whole post – loved it (even though it made me tear up, dammit).
Amen! People in Africa breastfeed until the kids are like 6 I think. Who cares?
I read your post and the comments in question, and I felt like I can’t “hear” what people say when angry and lashing out. You dislike most in others what you dislike in yourself. I’m like you…the pic made me feel a little itchy and hurty…Like someone was jacking me up with a burr. Ladies, feel empowered by your opinions and actions and talk about it with whoever wants to talk about it with you. I love to read that kind of dialogue because I learn from it when shaping my own opinions on a topic I haven’t really ever concerned. But when you get ugly and rude in a discussion and start slinging shit, you are doing yoursel and your beliefs a huge disservice.
This Time cover puts the issue out there in the publics face. BAM! I happen to think that if you allow yourself to be photographed and put on the cover of TIME magazine, then open yourself up for judgement and people judge. They do. I do. Anyone who says they don’t is a liar, mostly to themselves. They are shoving breast feeding to older children in our face – like a religion pusher, telemarketer or a crazy perfume spraying lady in a department store – there is no getting around it really.
This cover denotes a more extreme case of what I call “extended breast feeding”. FOR ME, I quit breast feeding at 4 months. My baby was ready and I was ready. I was tired of feeling like “food”. I was the roadrunner and she was wyle coyote. Her feedings were always joyful and never was I embarrassed to be a breast feeder. But I was discreet in public. At home, different story. If you came over during feeding time, you most likely saw boob and lots of it.
I think the issue is much deeper than just feeding your children. It hits a cord in women particularly because we are mothers, life givers, food providers, caregivers, etc. Many of us sincerely love our children and want whats best for them. But as women we are judged on almost everything: looks, weight, fashion sense, style, tax bracket, car, job or lack thereof, heritage, brains, politics, hair color – EVERYTHING. Women are tired of being judged overall. And most of us are mama bears ready to defend our cubs at any cost.
That said, I refuse to support someone simply because they have children or are a mother. I judge the person’s merits based on who they are, how they treat others and how they live their life. I do this so I know if they are someone of quality, someone I would want in my child’s life. It is necessary for us to judge. As parent’s we have to make judgements all the time. Why is this different? Because it pisses mothers off to hear that someone’s opinion differs from their own?
I’m not buying into it HMM. I support good moms. I support people I relate to. I don’t hate others for how they breast feed but I sure as hell have judgements and opinions on it. I will speak my mind when asked and will listen when talked to. I will research what I don’t have knowledge of and I will share this with my daughter when she asks me why there is a lady with a kid hanging off her titty on a magazine cover. As a parent I should resent being put in a situation to explain this but I am joyful to explain it and discuss it with my daughter. To hear her insight and give her a voice on the subject.
So in a way, breast feeding can once again bond me and my 15 yr old daughter… but she doesn’t have to be cap’t. nipple raper to do it.
On a less serious note, to think that that boy (not toddler, BOY) could get anything from those little boobs is astounding to me so I have to ask myself, why is he still on there? Powered milk? Whatever…..
i do not disagree. I certainly do not blindly support all women just because they dropped a baby. You win my respect by being a GOOD person, a GOOD mother, etc.
All I’m saying is that your feeding choices don’t dictate that. What you wear, how much you weigh , where you live and who you live with don’t dictate that. Regardless of how you feed your child you could be an angel or an asshole. I’d rather dislike your for being an overall asshole than to condemn you for making different choices than my own. That’s all I’m saying.
(and footnote– personally I probably would not be friends with the lady on the cover on the mag.. not because she is still nursing her son, but because she put him in a position for the world to judge.. he will be MORTIFIED when he’s older and that picture will NEVER go away.. Her name, his name and their city are featured in that article.
well said HMM – on that I do concur.
So true! My fist though when I saw the cover was “poor dude! Imagine when he’s in college and a girl he’s dating decides to Google him!”.
well said.
and lol to powdered milk hahaha
Look at you, Miss HMM…bringing peace to the playground!! Well written.
great perspective – really refreshing – i can’t say i didn’t judge when i saw the cover, but ur thought-provoking commentary has made me rethink my judginess (is that a word?!?!?)
My ruffles got feathered…and I’ve apologized, and won’t be rehashing. I would, however, like to put this link in that is a lovely tribute to nursing, and how I think of attachment parenting. Ultimately, what produces the most sadness in me is the obvious less-than opinion Time magazine has of women in general. The visceral reaction women have to breastfeeding – either side of it – is fed by the male-dominated paradigm about what a woman is for (particularly breasts). We are demonized whether we breast feed or not, whether we breast feed long term or not. We are minimized and treated as less than.
I reacted too quickly, and I know better.
Here’s the link:
http://nurshable.com/2012/05/05/i-will-not-nurse-you-forever/
smooches to you my Hot Mess friend!
My son was a big baby with a big appetite from the get-go and I tried breast feeding for the first few days but my milk was slow coming in and by the time it arrived, he preferred the bottle. I pumped for a couple of weeks , but I could never produce enough and I had to supplement. It was extremely disappointing and I was crushed, but there were good points to bottle feeding, too. My husband and the grandparents loved feeding him – it didn’t just fall to me, I had a lot more freedom than my mommy friends who were breast feeding, and my girls are still perky.
However, I was once judged by a friend of a friend who was a card-carrying member of the La Leche League. We were all out somewhere and she zeroed in on me when she found out my son was bottle fed. She was very judgmental and holier-than-thou, and I understand TO A POINT how passionate some can be on this topic, but I finally interrupted and said that I had tried, it didn’t work out, and anyway it was NONE OF HER FUCKING BUSINESS. And maybe I raised my voice. Just a little.
That’s pretty much how I feel about the woman on the cover. It’s none of my business.
I love this D! What I find so ironic is that we spend so much time speaking to our kids about bullying (at home, in the news, etc.), yet we as adults do the very thing we are preaching about to each other every day. It makes me sad too…..
This is very interesting…… though it is the first i have seen the Time Cover. MY girlfriend and I were just talking about breast feeding last night And some people do it till the child is 3 4 years old. She chose not to breast feed That is what worked for her. I choice to breast feed all three till they were about a year old. That worked for me. I know some one who went to my church and she breast feed till her daughter started school I guess that worked for her I really don’t think it such a big deal But I do disagree with a mom putting her son on Time Magazine cover. But I also dis agree with putting children on reality TV. and little girls in make up and cut off shirts and beauty pageants So I would not be “Friends with people who do those things and exploit there children BUT I am not going to go ape shit just cuz I would not do it!!!! To each his own…. PEACE!
This was refreshing to read! I don’t know why people get so upset over the choices other moms make. I have enough trouble figuring out what is best for me, my child, and my family. I can’t imagine trying to make those decisions for other people too.
Loved, loved, loved this post! I think as women we put enough pressure on ourselves to raise our children the “right” way that we really don’t need others doing it to. I’m so about choice, your body and your child do what feels right. Im pretty sure mothers intuition worked for as long as we’ve been around its gonna work now. Women need to get together and support eack other even when we arent doing it the same way!