Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, Drunk Blogging, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Uncategorized, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » I will NOT cave. And I hate the Joneses
Every year….every fracking year.. I make my Christmas list (in Excel). I purchase the desired items. I color code by child/ order/ and delivery. I spend too much money. Every year.
My boys are only permitted to ask Santa for 3 things. When I first met Muffy years ago, before we were friends, she told me that her kids got only 3 gifts each for Christmas. Our kids were really young.. “Only three??” I asked incredulously. ”Yup.. I tell them If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you”. I loved that and incorporated it into my “Santa letter” plan.
So.. every year, I am methodical about my purchases. They each have the exact same number of gifts under the tree and, on December 1st, when my shopping is completed, I am thrilled with my purchases and know it will be the best Christmas ever.
And then, weeks later, I wrap. And my pile of gifts looks measly. My boys are older now.. the shit they want is expensive. And SMALL! I spend more now than I did when they were younger, but the gift pile looks pitiful. Sooo.. every year.. after I wrap… I run around like a dick buying crap just there is more stuff to wrap and the piles are bigger.
Tonight I wrapped. They piles are small.
Guess what? FUCK THAT! Fuck it. It’s bullshit. My boys are very blessed… luckier than most. I WILL NOT go spend an extra hundred or two on stupid shit that will be in garbage by January 1st just so their “pile” appears bigger. I’m not going to do it! I’m taking a stand (against myself) and I’m not going to cave! I WILL NOT cave! I will not keep up with the Joneses!! I hate the fucking Joneses! And Mr. Jones is probably diddling his secretary anyway, and THAT’s why he has a huge pile under his tree… the Joneses are compensating !!
I have 3 boys…at some point I have to teach them that size doesn’t matter. I chose to start on Christmas morning They are getting some crazy good shit this year.. crazy good…. But small. And all total they each have 5 gifts. I’ve spent the past month collecting gifts and raising money for 9 local needy families to have Christmas. I busted my ass. I bullied people for donations. Every single child in each of those families will have WAY more than 5 gifts under their tree.. and they need it. My boys don’t. They don’t need one more fucking Lego or Beyblade or Transformer. They have bikes and scooters and roller blades and footballs and basketballs and a trampoline. They have fucking stilts.. STILTS! It’s 2012 and my goofy ass kids have stilts! And a pogo stick!!! And a Wii, and an iPad and stupid ass video games and remote control helicopters. Did I mention Legos? Not another Lego will EVER cross the threshold of Chez HMM. (Until we go to Legoland again for someone’s birthday.. but I digress)
So.. in 7 days.. my boys will wake up, run to the living room and see that Santa came. And they will be thrilled! Then they’ll check to see that he ate the cookies and run outside to see if the reindeer ate the carrots. Then they will come back inside and take stock of their gift piles. And they won’t say it aloud, but I know they will think.. “WTF?.. that’s a fucking small pile!! Really Santa?? The fiscal cliff has you scared too?? You don’t have a hair on your ass, you overgrown elf!! “... But they won’t say it. And they will open their gifts.. and realize that their small gifts are actually really big gifts…. and I will be so damn happy that I didn’t go stock up on extra shit at Marshall’s.
The End. (except for if any one of those kids complains about not enough stuff to open, I will cut a mother fucker.) Merry Christmas.
Oh, and also.. I drink when I wrap.. don’t judge the grammar or spelling. Or venom. Cuz judging is not nice
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