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Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, Grown-up time, Things that are NOT awesome » I had a slow leak (not a metaphor) and now I need a wife.

I had a slow leak (not a metaphor) and now I need a wife.


We had a leak in our kitchen.  It was apparently  a “slow leak” which is the poison apple of all leaks…  causes damage before you even know it’s there.  My kitchen floors are now buckled.  I filed an insurance claim and it was all pretty painless.  The kitchen floors were old and I’m not attached.

Except for the damage is not just in my kitchen.  It’s in my office.  And playroom.  And the floors I have throughout the rest of the house will now have to be replaced.  I LOVE my floors.  LOVE THEM.  Took me months to find them, had to have them special ordered and spent a fuckton of money on them.  And 6 years later, I still love them.. scratches and all.

And now I have to pick new ones.  And it’s giving me an ulcer.   Of course, the manufacturer of my current floors who was in business for 85 years, has since closed down so I have to start from total scratch.   Let me tell y’all something about me…  I HATE this stuff…  I do not want to ponder details…

I buy cars sight unseen as long as they have the features I want.. I don’t care about color or interior or finishes.  I just don’t.

I told the contractor   “Please just do it.  Just do it.  I do not want to deal with 10 different people, I do not want to negotiate and haggle.. I don’t have the time…  Just do it… do it right… and do it in this budget..  Please. ”

And he’s great and he will.  But I still have to choose flooring.  Travertine tile for the kitchen and a comparable wood for the rest of the house.  And while many of you would get a lady boner (or man boner..;) from shopping and choosing and comparing….  I do not.  My lady boner is a wet noodle.  Elephant trunk.  Deflated balloon.  I have lady impotence.   And they don’t make little blue pills to cure this ailment.  I don’t need a little blue pill.  I need someone to make these decisions for me.  Someone who knows exactly what I want before I do.  Someone who will make the time to shop and browse and research.  Someone who will just MAKE THIS HAPPEN while I work and deal with my own life.

Oh my God…. I need a wife.

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Filed under: Dear Diary, Grown-up time, Things that are NOT awesome



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9 Responses to "I had a slow leak (not a metaphor) and now I need a wife."

  1. Shannon says:

    Sounds like a job for Muffy! ;)

  2. me says:

    We put in new flooring when we bought out house seven years ago. We still do not have baseboards. Last night the only son flooded our master bath, which spilled out into my living room, my daughters room, my bedroom, and our closet. New floors?? Another seven years of unfinished baseboards? Moving our entire house into one room while the floors are installed? OR, live with the water stains and hope it dries without mold? Decisions, decisions…

  3. Cassandra says:

    It could be worse. You could have a husband who uses duct tape as drywall tape, and caulking as spackle! Last summer I went to Texas for the weekend to visit my son in the army. That left my darling husband back here with my 16 year old daughter, and 5 & 6 year old boys. On the first night, 16 yo was seen by the very judgy mc judgy neighbor sneaking out the FRONT window & hopping into a car. Neighbor came over & ratted her out first thing in the morning. Hubs was apoplectic! So, to calm down he went & bought rose bushes to plant outside of access window. 5 year old, being the wild animal that he is, got in trouble & sent to his room. Evidently he went to my bathroom instead to “shave” and plugged the sink, turned on the water & left..for about 2 hours. By the time hubs came back inside, there was about 3 inches of water in my master bath, it was literally raining in 3 rooms on the first floor, and when they cut into the finished basement ceiling, a waterfall of water and sheetrock came pouring down on their heads! Over $25 thousand in damage! It was then we learned that they screwed up our insurance policy 7 years ago by giving us a 1% of the total house value deductible…that means we had to shell out the first 13 THOUSAND!! I left a beautiful home, and came back to Beirut! Sheetrock walls and ceilings ripped out everywhere! Bathroom vanities ripped off the floor! And a husband who literally used duct tape to cover the gap between the boards of sheetrock in the basement insisting that he was going to do the repairs himself! NIGHTMARE!!

    I hope you get gorgeous new floors! & if you decide to move outta Jurassic Park, I’ll be your wife! ;0)

  4. Rebecca says:

    Or my husband. I would have had the equivalent of a wet noodle over trying to pick out flooring, curtains, couches, beds or any other home furnishings. I hate it too. Good thing my husband goes rock hard for this stuff!!!

  5. J says:

    Mama! Had the same shit here but w tile floors! Water was seeping out
    @ my sliders … Later learned the dishwasher had a leak … I guess the good
    News is my floors didn’t buckle but good gawd the fucking mold underneath! Bleach
    Is a bitch! Toxic fucking BITCH

  6. J says:

    Pun intended :-)

  7. Joy says:

    We had the same thing happen…….leaked water down the walls in the basement – buckled the kitchen floors. Had to dry out drywall of all things.

    To each their own. Make a choice. Embrace it. Love it. I hate shopping. I second guess everything.

    Just do it! You’ll be happy when it’s done. Because it’ll be done!

  8. Julie says:

    SO glad to hear I am not alone, same thing happened to us last Fall, 3 months of AGONY having the kitchen repaired and choosing new flooring for 4 rooms…………AND I work at home. So glad that’s over, and good luck to you!

  9. A says:

    This is my first time visiting your blog..Excellent. You and I have very similar thought patterns. I luckily have a very talented want to be interior designer for a mother who makes these decisions so I don’t have to!!Best of luck.

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