FINALLY!- An answer to the age old question… “How does one throw a Viking funeral for a hermit crab that has been eviscerated by his fellow hermit crabs?”
I know… if you had a nickel for everytime someone has asked you that exact question….. right?
Well, here you go. You can thank me later.
STEP ONE: Decide upon clothing for such an austere event.
STEP TWO: Consider if that is really the best you an do. If not, adjust accordingly.
STEP THREE: Make a photo collage to post on Facebook so the entire interweb knows how in sync your family is.
STEP FOUR: Arrange transportation for the casket to the funeral grounds.
STEP FIVE: Invite guests who will arrive with freshly baked banana bread so you can, once again, feed your sorrow with sugar.
STEP 6: Offer refreshments and “pour one out” for your fallen homie.
STEP SEVEN: Make sure your beloved pet’s final
burning resting place is tranquil and lovely.
STEP EIGHT: Say a few kind words and pray for an end to Crab-on-Crab violence.
STEP NINE: Find appropriate floating debris, place shell-less crab corpse on said debris and LIGHT THAT MOTHER FUCKER UP!
STEP TEN: Head on home. Avoid the playground.. today is no time for swings.
REST IN PEACE “Big Guy”.You were a good crab. So sorry that “Fancy Shell” and “Little Guy” ripped you limb from limb.
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