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How to throw a Viking funeral for a hermit crab


FINALLY!- An answer to the age old question… “How does one throw a Viking funeral for a hermit crab that has been eviscerated by his fellow hermit crabs?”


I know… if you had a nickel for everytime someone has asked you that exact question….. right?


Well, here you go.  You can thank me later.


STEP ONE:   Decide upon clothing for such an austere event. 

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 STEP TWO:  Consider if that is really the best you an do.  If not, adjust accordingly.


STEP THREE:  Make a photo collage to post on Facebook so the entire interweb knows how in sync your family is.


 STEP FOUR:  Arrange transportation for the casket to the funeral grounds.


STEP FIVE:  Invite guests who will arrive with freshly baked banana bread so you can, once again, feed your sorrow with sugar. 


STEP 6:  Offer refreshments and “pour one out” for your fallen homie.


STEP SEVEN:  Make sure your beloved pet’s final burning resting place is tranquil and lovely.

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STEP EIGHT: Say a few kind words and pray for an end to Crab-on-Crab violence.


STEP NINE:  Find appropriate floating debris, place shell-less crab corpse on said debris and LIGHT THAT MOTHER FUCKER UP!

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STEP TEN:  Head on home.  Avoid the playground.. today is no time for swings.  


 REST IN PEACE “Big Guy”.You were a good crab.  So sorry that “Fancy Shell” and “Little Guy” ripped you limb from limb. 

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9 Responses to "How to throw a Viking funeral for a hermit crab"

  1. thebev says:

    I have no seen everything and I hate that I wasn’t there. This is the wacky stuff that makes being the mother of a boy so worth it!

  2. Jessie says:

    This is exactly what I want done for my funeral… Gotta put this in writing somewhere. LOL! Hilarious!

  3. jessiel727 says:

    Hey there! You’ve been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award!

  4. Laura says:

    This is great! You guys look like a lot of fun :)

  5. Raynee says:

    LOVED it!! I wish I could think of this type of stuff to do with my kids! But yet we have no pets…..hhmmm. Still cool to do!!

  6. Brooke says:

    this is awesome! hope to remember this when the time comes ….

  7. Louise says:

    It’s crazy shit like this which will give ur kids the best childhood memories

  8. Dors says:

    Totally LOVE you and your page. Love your writing . You make me laugh. Every time!

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