Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, I may be PMSing..., Things that are NOT awesome » HMM’s un-edited student drop-off etiquette. {you’re welcome}
HMM’s un-edited student drop-off etiquette. {you’re welcome}
Several years ago, after spending months in a constant state of road rage while dropping off and picking up my kids from school, I took it upon myself to write “guide-lines” to be handed out to all parents who dropped off and/or picked up their children from school by car. I honestly believed that the majority of offenders just didn’t know the rules. They could not be that obtuse. They just needed to see the rules in print. That would solve everything! The principal approved it, the PTA President tweaked it, and we have distributed these guidelines ever since. It hasn’t changed a fucking thing.
As luck would have it… now I have a blog. And I don’t have to get approval from the Principal. Or the PTA. Or anyone else for that matter. I don’t have to be politically correct. I don’t even have to be nice.
So, here you go. HMM’s UN-EDITED Student drop-off etiquette:
- First and foremost- teach your child to buckle and unbuckle their own seat-belt before beginning school. It’s not difficult. It’s a life lesson. Go ahead and do it. NOW.
- Do NOT get out of your car in the drop off and/or pick uplane for any reason. “Any reason” includes but is not limited to:
- hugging your child
- fixing a ponytail
- tying a shoe
- watching your child walk into school
- hooking or unhooking a car seat
- buckling or unbuckling a seatbelt
- talking to administration
- talking to another parent
- talking in general
When you pull into the drop-off area, your child should be ready to get the fuck out of the car. Backpack and lunchbox in hand. Seatbelt undone. Good-byes said and well-wishes wished. If your child is scared or upset or needs a little longer with you… we get it… we all have kids.. GO PARK YOUR FUCKING CAR. DO NOT hold up the other 300 cars while you parent.
3. If the drop-off area is on the right-hand side of your car, don’t put your child’s car seat on the left-hand side of your car. You cannot be that stupid. It’s a fucking parking lot! With moving cars in it! WHY do you have the only child exiting the car on the wrong side? Pay attention to what is happening around you. For the love. Oh, you have other children? And their car seat is on the right side? Well, why didn’t you say so! I’ve never met anyone with more than one child before. Fucking switch it.
4. During pick-up, if you see your child waiting but there are still 20 cars in front of you.. NO.. you cannot just drive by us. I’m sorry.. that’s not how it works. We all see our children. But we are waiting for the fucktard up front to finish buckling her child’s seatbelt on the LEFT side of her car, then get back IN her car, fasten HER seatbelt, adjust her rearview mirror, feed her baby and eventually drive away. It’s going to be a while. Read the guidelines while you are waiting.
5. If you are picking up in the car lane, you need to be a car. If you want to park your car and walk to get your child, then pick up your child in the “walker” area. Do NOT park your car, walk through the car line, retrieve your child, walk back through the car line, get in your car and expect ANYONE to let you out. I’m sure you are very busy. I bet you are even too busy to wait in this stupid car line. Guess what Douchecanoe? We all are. And if you pull that shit when my car is blocking you, I may happen to run of of gas in front of you. And I have a lot of friends. One of them may just run out of gas behind you.
6. If an area is marked “No Parking Any Time”, don’t fucking park there. The sign is not there for shits and giggles. It’s most likely marking an area utilized by county and/or emergency vehicles when needed. And if you cut me off to park there, an emergency vehicle will be needed.
7. I know you love your children. I love mine too. I am betting that the asshat zigzagging through the car line loves hers too. We are parents. We love our kids. Sometimes drop off is hard. I get it. I do. But listen… YOUR children and YOUR time are NOT more important than MY children and MY time. So, again… if there are issues… if you just can’t move on with your day without one last hug from your little angel; if your angel can’t get through her day without one last hug from you; if he/she looks so little and scared walking into that big building and you just have to see her actually enter the door…. that is fine! All of it..it’s normal, it happens, and it’s fine. It is not, however, an excuse to hold up the rest of us. Just park your car. Just park it. In a parking spot. In the parking lot. Do NOT stay stopped in the drop off line. Because the rest of us will turn on a dime from concerned and understanding parents to homicidal maniacs who are now late for OUR day because you are a self-absorbed prick.
Thank you for your attention and adherence to these rules. Abide by them and we will all have a great school year.
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I fucking love it. Please write “if you are at the bus stop with my kid” guidelines.
will do! I need a little more bus stop experience first
yes yes yes pls write “bus stop guidelines”!!!!!! and btw i just spit out a fairly expensive mouthful of wine laughing at that shit…
Thank you! Today was my first day ever at PPU. It took an hour from the time i enter the line to leaving with number 1. Number 2 and 3 lost their minds waiting if i had a tazer gun i would have used it on myself today!
I want the edited list emailed to me stat for my PTA meeting!!!!
xoxo
on it’s way… you will have to edit to make more specific to your school…
Haha! I freaking love it! As someone who suffers from a chronic case of road rage, these things drive me crazy!
Ahhh…I feel my blood pressure starting to rise already in anticipation of the first day of school drop-off line. Good times.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! I also LOATHE parents who smoke in the car line and throw there butts out…. trashy
Love, love this but at my school, afternoon pick-up is where I lose my mind. Drop off goes fairly quickly; but pick-up takes at least an hour. My kids are now registered as walkers and I pick them up a block from school. Much less chaos.
You never cease to amaze me! I don’t have school pick up too soon in my future;however, when I am I will remember these kickass rules. You are so badass. I am scared for when your boys grow up and start dating…that poor girl that you aren’t a fan of. I can only imagine the thoughts that will go on in your head, forget what you actually say outloud!
ha!!!
I will begin PPU in 2 weeks for the 1st time ever……This is just what I needed. Perhaps I could print if off in a little booklet and have it to hand out, cause I’m thinking I’m really gonna need it! Thanks ~ following you now from some random place that I’ve already forgotten but will remember as soon as I hit “Post Comment”
Ha! You are my hero! And your kids go to a smaller school than mine – imagine 2x the amount of kids and stupid parents! This year I get to deal with 4 schools and 4 car rider lines. Yay me.
My kids ride the bus, so I don’t do the school pick-up/drop-off very often, but this can also apply to summer camps! My boys both attend a great day camp at a local nature preserve and…well, douchecanoes inhabit the Midwest in the summertime too. Just sayin’.
Oh, HMM, this is spot on. A couple of more things to consider:
As a follow up to having child ready at the drop off: For the love of God and all that is holy, keep the back pack up front with your child. Maybe on his/her lap. Yes, it may be a projectile hazard in the event of an accident, but you are driving maybe 5 blocks on city streets, in what I’m guessing to be a 30 mph zone (20 in the school zone). It’s not going to project that far. DO NOT, under any circumstances, put the backpacks and lunchboxes in the trunk. Don’t do it! Do NOT!
Also, please, share these instructions with dads, grandparents, nannies or other care givers. I could always tell when a dad was doing drop off. All violations listed above, plus the back pack in the trunk, happened on his watch.
My kids got out of school at 3:18. I lived less than a mile away (walkable by them when they were older, but driving required when younger ones were home napping and I needed nap time to stretch until the last possible moment). I found that leaving my house at 3:20 got me to school at the very end of the pick-up line. Yes, my child will be in therapy for years because he was always last or next-to-last being picked up, but I will not need meds to deal with cranky children woke up from their naps too early or the asshats you’ve described above.
You’ve truly done a public service, HMM. And now, I shall end my novella comment.
so funny! Our school gets out at 3pm. I live 2 miles away thru the neighborhood.. it takes about 5-7 minutes to get there. I generally leave my house at 3:05… it’s not as bad.. but it still ain’t good!
I think we must be neighbors.
And the moms who blame dads got it wrong- it’s not the dads. It’s the tourists who drop off or pick up 2x a year.
If all the cars would just do what the kids are taught to do in the lunch line, success.
Meanwhile- all I got is my flashlight and my horn.
My kids are 23 and 21. I still remember how furious I got in the car line. I cheated and parked next door at the 7-11.How about the moms who cry when they drop their kid off. The kid freaks because they think somethings wrong!!! Crazy moms!!!! Thanks for all the laughs….
i can often be found parked at the 7-11
Hahahahaha! FUCKING LOVE THIS………….I love when someone else gets mad and curses alot in a blog. It makes me look good
Thank the good Lord for Campus Club! I drop off at 7:15 – no line, maybe 3 cars in the lot. I pick up around 5 – no line, maybe 20 cars in the lot, unless it’s a game-day, then it’s stop in the fire-lane and honk time.
Though, I have had the odd pick-up/drop-off day at the normal times, and it is, unfortunately, just as you’ve described. I especially loved the day that I picked up, but teach held dramasaur in the class because his nana did not walk up to the door to fetch him (we had to have a talk about that shit), so I was sitting in the line forever, frantically eyeballing every child heading towards the cars. I stopped the principal to ask if she’d seen him. I drove thru the line, around the lot and got back into line 3 times. 3! TIMES! Did I mention I had an infant and a crabby stanky-pants 3-year old in the car with me? And it was snack time/feeding time so the most horrifying death-shrieks were coming from the backseat of the car…
Then he finally sauntered (yes, sauntered) out and looked at me like I had grown another head when I freaked out just a teensy bit. Whatevs. Again, thank gawd for campus club (onsite before/after school care for those not in the know)
I was choking on laughter, with tears streaming down my face!! This is THE BEST!!! As a former teacher who’s dealt on the receiving side, and a parent who’s been in that line with those people, I can attest to your dead-on accuracy. I wonder if you live in Dunwoody, GA? You certainly seem to be describing our schools to a “T”!
i’m in florida… they must all be eerily similar!
I have written almost this exact same list in my head a million and one fucking times. I’m dreading the damn carpool lane more than the homework and last minute projects.
I am a teacher who is sometime late for work because of the “douchecanoes” (I love that..I’m going to borrow it) in the drop off lane. We have volunteer parents who will open your car door, escort kids across the lot etc.. and the damn line still doesn’t run smoothly. I HATE the drop off lane!!!! Arghhhh!!
PS You’re probably thinking if I just leave the house a little earlier I wouldn’t be caught in traffic, you’re right, but having a new baby, makes every piece of sleep precious!
this is exactly perfect.
Love this list!!!! I am a teacher at an Elementary School where I just so happen to have afternoon PPU duty. You have hit the nail on the head-spot on!!! I’m printing this list and hanging it the teachers’ lounge, so we can all appreciate your accuracy and a parent who finally gets it!!!!
I absolutely love this!! I had NO IDEA that the carpool drop off line issues were such UNIVERSAL issues. I can totally relate to this!!
This is so freakin hilarious!! I just wrote my post for tomorrow about Who you might Meet at your kids School Orientation – some real dumbasses!! I love your blog!
thank you !
If only this could be the one handed out on yellow paper Monday morning.
love this. shit you not, at my daughters school there is a one-lan entrance, small 15 car/3 lane drop off area, and then an exit. one mom every day pulls up and parks right in the entrance (rear tires on the road, front of car in the entrance), so she does not have to wait behind other cars waiting to leave when she wants to leave. she then gets out, walks her kid inside, then comes back out, taps her horn for the multitude of cars waiting to drop off so she can back out instead of going forward like the common-folk. I have made it my mission to be there at the same time as her and put the bumper of my truck inches from her bumper thwarting her star-bellied sneech special parking privilege. i have thus far overcome the backup toots with a multitude of friendly middle finger flips and blown kisses. my truck is bigger than her volvo, i win.
Thanks D. Monday will be my first day. I will be sure to park my car
Our elem. school runs remarkably smooth. And that’s because the carool Nazis are in charge!
Oh lord. I think we have received letters home similar to this (sans douchecanoe references) (( but my dear that is an amazing adjective!)). The Nazis run a tight ship! Two lanes of traffic, no less than 15 teachers moving kids out to waiting cars, three walkie-talkies shouting out kids names that are posted prominently in the left hand side of every vehicle’s windshield. No sign, no kid!!! And god forbid you should happen to use a mobile device while in te carpool lane! Mrs. hitler will confiscate that shit!
I will say they move a ton of “precious cargo” quickly and efficiently.
Huh, weird. Never have seen many cars there, it’s usually a ghost town…. Ohhhh, because I’m banging down the before-care door at 6:59 a.m. and screeching in for pick-up at 5:59 1/2 p.m…. Oops! I’m the “Oh shit, I have kids?” mom – LOL
“and if you cut me off to park there, an emergency vehicle will be needed.” hahahaha! Love it.
Oh, Baby Jesus. I just fell in love with you all over, again. As a PTA president that has to say things like “Let’s keep the line moving, puh-lease”, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I wrote a similar post but was too chicken s*** to post it.
Kerry at HouseTalkN
Love this – our school doesn’t bus so EVERYONE drives except for about 6 parents who live close enough and aren’t too lazy to walk. We’re the ones getting run over by the people who aren’t following your rules.
PREACH IT, sister. Who are these self-centered dingleberries? Could you please turn this into an info-graphic that I can laminate and distribute at the next PTA meeting?
Great fucking blog post! Having kids has made me HATE driving so much. My son’s middle school was the most regimented. The principal would come out every day to monitor the drop-off lane. Then when my kids hit high school, the madness started all over again.
You should write a post about parental etiquette at hockey, soccer, baseball, football practices and/or games as well. That would be a hoot
Love it Hot Mom Mess
I had three kids at St. Johns for several years and nobody waited a single frickin second for the McSherry’s to get out. The backpack in the trunk kills me every fucking time personally. Get those fucking little pricks out of your damn mini van like it was on fire you fucking slice of shit! I loved it and I thank you!!!!!
Pick-up and drop-off from school — it’s the one real horror no one tells you about parenting. Kind of like no one tells you about in-laws before you get married.
We have the same issues at my daughter’s school. Luckily she is in high school and I can get away with dropping her off a block away. Once you actually enter the “school zone” it is at least a 30 minute debacle to get back out of there. The same for pick up. I call on my way in tell her which direction to start walking since people can’t follow the simplest of courtesy.
I feel the same way about the idiots in stores who block the entire aisle with their carts. Stand to one side and let others by.
Thank you! There is a jerk at our school that parks in the bus lane, walks into school to get his kid & takes his time. The principal has talked to him repeatedly but he still does it! Ridiculous! Love your blog, cracks me up daily!
Crying!!!
Word. I can’t wait til my kid starts school- so much to look forward to!
Ugh so NOT looking forward to having to deal with this in the future! People are idiots!
This was so perfect. There was so much perfection I don’t know where to start, so I’ll give a suggestion. You know those cannon guns that blast t-shirts into the crowd at ballgames? You should get one of those, load it with your rules, and give the idiots something to think about.
Ellen
Well played. Slow clapping my ass off over here!!
It’s enough to make you want to homeschool – oh wait I DO HOMESCHOOL now
I remember wanting to stand there and hand out ‘TICKETS’ at my chldren’s former Elementary school …. I offered to wear a yelloe vest and ‘direct’ traffic but the principal told me she tried that and a parent tried to run her down – she just couldn’t prove it was on purpose;)
Or the little brats can all ride the bus like they should. Quit adding to greenhouse gasses by your selfish need to personally transport your kids, when taxpayers are already paying for the gas & drivers on busses that only carry half of their capacity because you are a better driver (guess what? You really aren’t!) All of you either walked or rode the bus – not likely many of you got more than an occasional ride when you missed the bus!
well, as sweet and lovely as that sentiment is, in our district, we are not offered bus transportation til middle school- Grade 6. And as most of us are 3-4 miles from the school, I don’t think sending your 6 or 7 year old on a death march to school is the best parenting option.
LMAO ~~ Thank you for the giggle!
Hilarious! I’ll have to remember those when my kids are older. I am wondering though, what happened to the good old yellow school bus? I mean when I was little, no one dropped their kids off, we all just waited at the end of our driveways, and the bus would pick us up. They don’t do that anymore? I have been gone a long time, so I have no idea….
Oh wait, I just saw the mean comment about little brats riding the bus, and your answer. What, you don’t want to walk 4 miles at a child’s pace to school (which would take like 5 hours) while they no doubt whinged for the first mile, wanted you to do 1-2-3 wee for the second, and then be carried for the rest? Mind blown.
Also, it’s obnoxious that people making mean comments never have the balls to use their names.
When you have a child with special needs, then we’ll talk — with civility.
This is in no way directed at parents with valid reasons for stopping. At our school, we have a totally different drop off area for children with special needs. We have an incredible ASD program at our school – both inclusion and not, with children covering the spectrum… as well a severe disability program. We have an entirely different drop off area for these parents and children, where time is no issue and there are ample places to stop. As a matter of fact, my “don’t park in no parking” comment refers to that area… to the area set aside specifically for parents of special needs children.
I live a block and a half from an elementary school and I’d like to give a big ole F you to this crazy parents you’re referring to. They act like they’re dropping their kids off in a war zone with a minefield in between the car and the building – parking in the middle of the street, leaving all car doors open, walking around the car like a caged lion – get out of the street!!! I’m just trying to get out of my neighborhood!!
OMG! This was hysterical! Given that my children aren’t of school age yet, I’m glad I stumbled across this beforehand, so that I can anti up on my child drop off etiquette. lmao!
Oh if we could only get this list of rules approved to hand out!
Can I get the “edited” version?
emailed it to you.
[...] written in a few days. I left you on Thursday with my student drop-off/ pick-up guidelines and Middle School [...]
“douchecanoe”….I think I like it!
Let’s find a way to slip these guidelines and my Back to School shopping list into the orientation packets. I’ll spring for the copy paper and toner.
Great post, HMM!
i’ve gotten emails from so many teachers saying they have them posted in the teacher’s lounge… yes.. you and I together.. we could rule the school
I think IQ tests should be administered and clearance required before people can pick up and drop off their kids. This is hysterical.
I agree! If I ask you what one plus one is and you reply “Purple!” you are not allowed in drop off line. You are instantly shunned to ‘worst spot on site’
amen!
Parent Pickup continues to be the worst part EVER of parenting in general. I would rather clean up poop and vomit all day long, go to countless birthday parties at the dirtiest place on earth–Chuck E Cheese, make 1000 paper mache volcanoes with exploding food colored lava and spend hours playing Pokemon’ then go to parent pick up.
Can I get a copy of the edited version also? My husband just called me cursing the whole school because car line drop off was wrapped around the block cause one freaking kid was having a shit-fit!
[...] HMM’s un-edited student drop-off etiquette. {you’re welcome} [...]
My son started preschool this year, and I wanted to say thank you for making me a drop off professional!!! I would also like to say thanks for the laughs while I sat and watched the people in front of me make all of the mistakes on your list!!! I actually talked to the principal today and told her that I had read a great letter about what to do in the drop off line, and I would see if I could get her a copy to attach to the next newsletter. I know I will only find this humorous for about… oh who am I kidding, I was annoyed by the second day : ) So for the sake of my sanity, and my lovely principal’s, I was wondering if you please could send me a copy of the edited version!
absolutely.
I am one of the asshats whose child gets out of the car on the driver’s side because I have other children…4 children that all require car seats. This year, I get to change the car seats since now only 1 child needs assistance with her car seat (too young to go-to school). Proud to say that this won’t be occurring this year
What always pIsses me off is when the parents decide that they can just pull ahead to the front of the line, putting my kid at danger. We are all busy. Chill outand wait your turn.
But, what really pissed me off is that our school does rolling releases, kindergartners first, then on up every 5 minutes. Some parents and grandparents (who obviously have nothing else going on in their lives) arrive an hour or more before school ends, just to get a good spot. It gets better though. Those jerks are picking up older kids! Get behind us kindergarten moms, you jackasses!
Sorry…just had to vent.
oh my lord!!! the grandma squad, our release is the same way and there are grandmas of 6th graders blocking all the spots so you cannot pick up your younger child. WHY?! Since when is a place in line a status symbol?
OMG that is F’n awesome! That was my morning…road rage. I almost swore at all the teachers standing there waving us to move to pretty much no where. I mean, they were waving me to move an inch every minute. WTF. Honestly this was what I needed. LOVE IT!
Ok, first of all I am going to make a pillow that says “Douchecanoe” on it. Because, no couch is complete without one. Secondly, I just about ripped off a teachers head today. My daughter goes to the later kindergarten. As my 5 and 2 year olds were walking (after we parked our cars in the proper parking area) to the drop off gate. This teacher sees us 37 inches from her door, stops my girls and me and decides to dismiss her entire class. Really biznitch? You couldn’t let us go to bring her to kindergarten? I finally give her a nasty look and she says “Oops, I should have let you go first so you didn’t have to wait for all of us.” Ya think? I’m going to make her a douchecanoe pillow too. One for her fat ass at her desk since she is clearly in a rush to go back to sit on it.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Please come teach a class at our school–pretty please?
I FREAKIN Love this. I was reading it and laughing so hard I was crying. I prefer to park and walk and get my child and my cousins kids. But know I have to go thru the car line b/c I have a baby and just today at my school the Aids, that ALWAYS make it a point to tell me they will help the kids and Please don’t get out of the car decide to stand in one place today, I am sitting there with my car door open b/c my 40 pound kid can’t shut the heavy door and the Aide is motioning for cars to go around me and I am NOT suppose to get out of my car but I have no other way to get the car door shut b/c the Super Motivated Aide can’t walk over 10 steps to shut the door. She kept waving me on and I was looking at her saying the door is open?!?!?! So finally I am yelling out the window hey kid, hey kid can you shut my door. I forgot to mention the same lady was in a Hover Round scooter yesterday, WHY?? Is she even helping at pick up time? Just a little irritated today. I am so happy I found your blog so I could share.
Couldn’t be any MORE TRUE!!!!! I was recently with our Ass. Principal reorganizing their procedures!!!
Holy effing crap!
Just found this site, and this post is exactly what I have been angrily texting my hubs the last two years while I wait behind jack monkeys taking 10 minutes in front of me in the drop off line.
Why your kindergartener has a rolling suit case for a back pack is beyond me. Yes, she is 5 and 3 feet tall, but if she can lug a chair to the counter for cookies, she can schlep 1/2lb of pink cloth over her shoulder. Hey, I wouldn’t care if sweet little Suzie could operate it herself. However, that isn’t the case & mommy dearest can’t bear the thought of any independence for her child. Even something as simple as pressing a release button on a handle. So said fuck sock–errr mom I mean, must race around to let out said child, pull handle on over sized under needed luggage, and give me two more gray hairs while I turn red and curse under my breath. I hope this child learns this valuable life skill that is depressing buttons or her life will be one ball of disappointment at gas pumps and furious crowds on elevators.
Sorry to vent, just glad someone else sees eye to eye with me–even if its only exasperated glances through the rear view mirror.
omg.. the rolling suitcase backpack… nothing worse.. seriously… crayons and paper do not need wheels. I hate people.
I can’t stop laughing! so true
OMG, dying here. As a mom with a Kindergartener who takes the bus I been spared the drop off. My beef is with the school lunch health craze…please for the love of god bring back the hot lunch that an average 6 year old will eat and leave out the “healthy side dishes” like broccoli salad with carrot and onion. Even I won’t eat that crap !!!
Sorry for the vent.
[...] that people behave that way intentionally. They just must not know. For example, I wrote School Pick-up & Drop-off guidelines not because I am an angry elf, but because I was doing a public service. When I threatened to [...]
OMG! The drop off line at our school makes my blood pressure skyrocket! The other day there was a guy with a Kindergartener who had him 1) on the left hand side of the car, 2) in a car seat, 3) his backpack was in the trunk and 4) the kid didn’t want to be dropped off. He got him out, he got the backpack out, he kissed and hugged him, etc, etc…all the while my son is complaining because he has to be in class in T minus 2 minutes (when the Kindergartener didn’t have to be in class for 20, WTF!)
The car line mom finally got the dad back into his car and the kid looked up at her and said “I’m in room 23.” She said “Yea???” He just looked at her. “Where’s room 23?” she asked him. “Ummmm….” he replied. She just looked at us like WTF am I suppose to do with this kid???? So this post is a little more than perfect! I’d love the edited version.
Love the post! Just one thing that really gets me about dropping off – there is enough room for 6-7 cars to drop off at once, but EVERY morning some jackass thinks their special child needs to be in the number one spot messing up the whole rotation. No doubt this is the same jackass that can’t merge on the freeway or double parks at the grocery store.
I love this Blog way to go maybe you need to tell Southern drivers how to drive and where the enter and exit signs are. Also there are only suppose to be two lanes not make your own 3rd lane and they try to ram your car in or if your stopping to let a child cross the street don’t feel like you have to go around and get in line in front of me such rude people and I understand why you needed to write this keep it going.
That is just awesome….so very freaking true!! AND we all been there! thanks for the chuckle!
I drive a Jeep Wrangler and we also have a (hand over mouth muffled sound)…a silver mini van. When I have the top off the cool white Jeep Wrangler and I pass another Jeep-ster, I get this totally cool, you’re in the club they’re not, wave! It’s awesome. It’s a “Jeep thing” you know.
Okay well, when I’m dropping the kids off at school in my mini…no one waves from the other mini drivers. I don’t get it. I decided that all us mini drivers need a very special, exclusive wave…any ideas?
I’m thinking…middle finger bent and stuck up the nose…?! ha ha.
I cannot tell you how much I love this post. So so true. I may either print this off and pass out or preach it with a bull horn during the next few drop offs. Seriously, the drop off should be a Mission Impossible precision operation or like a NASCAR pit stop – in and out!! I sense a need for a drop off/pick up boot camp.
this is perfect
As a mom (that has children that attend where I teach) AND a teacher, I so agree with you. May the teacher part of me add… If the drop off line happens to be right by the entrance drive for the school staff, since it’s already marked in red, as DO NOT STOP here, please do not stop here and block me from entering to park, so I can go to work. ESPECIALLY on those days when my own children have been particularly ass-dragging brats and I am now on the cusp of being late if I don’t get in a parking spot and get my arse in the classroom. Especially when you sit there and watch your 10 year walk into the school, my god, it’s not like they are a freaking 5 or 6 year old kindergartner! Move your ass!
I am so homeschooling!!!!
This is so funny, it would make for a great screenplay for a parenting comedy movie…
OMG, this is hysterical! I will keep this handy for when my little one starts school! People really are stupid, aren’t they?!
Thanks for linking up today.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Would you consider re-writing the Driver’s Handbook? I think you could bring the same clarity to the rules of the road as you did to the rules of school drop off. That way I wouldn’t have to turn into an enraged ranty witch every time I need to get somewhere.
This was great! I thought I was the only one that was transformed from a laid-back, patient person to a crazed one. You have covered all the main areas of frustration but I have noticed a strange thing here in CT. If a mom brings a dog along to pickup/drop off, you can be assured she is in the idiot club. I live in a community with many SAHMs. For some reason, they feel they must bring Fido to accompany them to the circle. I have a German Shepherd. Believe me, he would rather stay home and sleep. How fucking needy ARE these women? They are the same ones that get out of the car, hug their children like they are going off to war, and stand and watch them go into the building. Then they saunter back to their cars SLOWLY. I get so mad because it’s so fucking ENTITLED. I have to drop off two kids at two different schools that start at the same time. It doesn’t seem to click with these ladies that some of us have THINGS to do – like make sure our other kids aren’t LATE! Thanks for the essay and for letting me vent.
omg.. the dog people! Nice add! I too have a lab/german shephard mix… neither of us has the need to accompany each other on errands. Or sit in the front seat. On the lap. by the steering wheel!! ;(
OMG, this is my BIGGEST school-related pet peeve! And I don’t even pick up/drop off my kid!! At our school, the drop off area is very tiny, but still they insist that each child must be dropped AT THE DOOR, ONE AT A TIME, with the Janitor (who writes children’s books that they push us to buy constantly) acting as Valet and opening the door for each child! Oh my fucking Goddess, I want to pull a Lizzie Grubman (look it up people, I have 5 kids and no time to cite references) on their asses every time I’m forced to dance that dance! And don’t even get me started about the moms who DRIVE to the bus stop…we are 1 cup-de-sac street with 12 houses, and the farthest any of us is from the stop is 100 yards…every single day to drop off their precious 4th and 5th graders. I know they talk about me & what a horrible mom I am, because I let my 1st grader go to & from the bus stop every single day {gasp} ALONE! Oh, and every morning at exactly 9:05 I say “get out of my house and take the garbage with you” as I send my precious, irreplaceable, sure to cure cancer and invent time travel, 4th child to school each day! Can we get a fucking fucktard bus stop etiquette guideline please??
you may be officially my new favorite commenter ever. ” Lizzie Grubman (look it up people, I have 5 kids and no time to cite references)” LOL!!!!!
Lol that is great at least I now know I’m not the only one in my car wanting to choke the shit out of dumb ass parents. Could you please email this to me my kids school could use it. Thanks for laugh love the blog!!
I love this! I stumbled upon your blog from Twitter, I have to say this is why I stopped picking my kids up from school! We live in a small town and most of the moms are SAHM like myself. School lets out 2:50 but idiot parents will start lining up for pick up at 12:30! It’s ridiculous! I’m not sitting there for over 2 hours when I have things I could be doing and if I get in at the end of the line I’ll still be waiting an hour! Then I realized that by the time I picked up all 3 kids at 3 different schools I was getting home the same time the bus was riding by our house! Screw that! Drop off isn’t as bad in the mornings, so I still drop them off, but they ride the bus home now! I didn’t last 2 weeks!
Thanks for the laugh. Just found your blog and I think I will be back often!!
Love it.
I probably have annoyed parents before. I’m not sorry. I don’t really care about their problems. Usually though, because my kid (1st grade) is on the autism spectrum and takes FOREVER to do anything, I park in one of the handicapped spots or a place nobody is at, right next to the drop off zone but out of everyone’s way because I’m all about moving the traffic along. I usually have 2 other kids in the car, and I’m definitely not dragging out 3 kids across the entire parking lot to take one into school just so some hyped up mom on coffee can get out the lot faster. I’ve had people give me looks like twice for stopping in the handicapped spot (because I’m not handicapped), but since I generally look like the wicked witch of the east (is that the one who died by getting smothered by a house? as that’s the symbolism I’m going for), my looks back are much uglier and scarier.
Now I will purposely hold up traffic and be a real nasty person about it when people are rude. One parent can mess it up for all. I’m a very aggressive person with anger management issues, so when a stupid parent decides to be rude about letting someone through or almost hits a kid with their car because they are in such a hurry to get out… yeah, I sadistically hold up the line on purpose, and generally I’ll point at the parent and say where they can read my lips, “It’s your fault.”
My favorite one I did, after school, there was a line of cars waiting to join the line of cars out of the lot, and usually everyone is cool about it. Usually, we treat it like a stop sign taking turns. One day, like 5 parents in a row decided not to. So I weaved around the lot through unparked spots (safely), go in front of the mean parents, cut in like I’m driving in Boston (something people don’t do here), and then motioned the whole line trying to get through (the one I was in) to go first forcing all those people who weren’t going to let any of them in to let them ALL in ahead of them. Then I stuck my tongue out at the mean parents and proceeded forward. I swear I’m the parking lot troll, but in the name of everything good.
I should have been more specific in my original post that our school has a separate drop off area for special needs which includes, but is not limited to, our standard ASD program, any special needs children, and others who’s children may be having a ‘hard morning’.
These are not the parents I want to cut…
Please email me your edited list please! This was a great post!
We have an entry to the drop-off lane. Most people go around and form a single line, but MANY selfish women, in order to save themselves a block of driving, try to turn left into the drop-off area, causing massive congestion, as they block the whole damn street, especially for those who are just trying to get by. The same bunch does it EVERY morning,and has been doing it for years. They never learn. I will wreck them before I let them in; but they think I am the dummy.
I just stumbled upon this…good times!! I have spent way too much of my life in pick up and drop off lines. My high school and middle school kids are just as likely to get pissed at the Ass hats that can’t follow the basic rules as I am. No busses here, and we are a 15 minute drive from school, so we do this every day… the HS/MS drop off is a little different and people do park and wait. What kills me is that every car leaves an extra half car between them …ummm, the rest of us could pull up to get our kids if you all just learn how to park! Also, we have a subgroup of parents here that make me swear every single morning… they are dropping off middle school children and after their kids get out of the car they stay sitting there parked…just hanging? Watching? I have know idea why they sit there taking up one of maybe 10 spots for the 350 children that may want to use that entrance and sit backed up in a line of rude drivers for 30 minutes. I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to get out and knock on the window to ask what the tuck they were waiting for. I did just realise while reading comments that these moms do all seem to have small dogs. Maybe there is a correlation. I hope one of these kids gets a drivers license soon!
So here we are, more than 2/3 of the school year down and I’m still having to deal with fucktards in the drop off lane in middle school!!! Because of carpool, I only drive 2 times a week, sometimes 3. Yet those mornings my blood pressure sky rockets! I wish for just 1 week I could have a James Bond type car so I can press a button or turn a dial and eliminate the offenders…..
As always, thanks for the laughs!
Love!
Ha! This is perfect! I mean, I’ve been guilty of the “give me a quick kiss” before, but that was in his Kindergarten years. I now realize ain’t nobody got time fo dat. Glad you sent this to me!
[...] teacher sees it. To read a totally hilarious carpool blog post from the parent’s perspective, visit this post. The Hot Mess Mom gets it! What are your carpool pet peeves? Everyone with school aged children has [...]
Wrote a blog about the teacher’s version of carpool today (http://the-room-mom.com/2013/02/28/carpool-etiquette/)– added a link to your post. My tips are not nearly as funny!
Uh-may-zing! Love the brutal honesty! Ever watched Jenna marbles? This is like a mom version of her videos lol
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