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Hot Mess Mom » Family, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » HMM and the case of the mysterious body odor

HMM and the case of the mysterious body odor


There are a few things that I am obsessive about.   Pretty feet, clean ears, trimmed finger and toenails, teeth brushing and showering with mass amounts of soap until everything is CLEAN.

I shower twice a day and brush my teeth probably 10 times.

I had my boys start wearing deodorant when they were in second grade.  Not because they needed it, but because I wanted it to be a habit by the time they needed it.  I’ve battled with Number One about this in the past.  You can read about that HERE.   Now I begin my battle with Number Two.

Number Two is now in fourth grade.   He’s a smelly beast.  Every morning he puts on deodorant and every afternoon he smells like a monkey.   This morning I said “Come on, let’s go do a deodorant tutorial.. you are clearly doing something wrong”.

This is the deodorant he’s been using.












I made him take his shirt off so I could apply the deodorant liberally to his pits.. maybe he’s just not using enough?   I opened the deodorant.












He’s never turned the knob.  He has been (since God knows when) rubbing the dry top of the deodorant on his pits.  Never made the gel come out.  I guess that’s my fault?  I guess I never explained the functionality of clear gel?  Who’d have thought I had to?

Don’t forget you can vote for HMM as a Circle of Moms Top Funny Moms 2013 every 24 hours until February 13th.  Every vote counts!  You can find me somewhere between #8- #12.  Thank you!   

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Filed under: Family, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent



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20 Responses to "HMM and the case of the mysterious body odor"

  1. Tina says:

    Holy Shit. LMAO!
    Don’t worry though, there’s light at the end of the tunnel, my boy is 16 and uses 2 a week, I think he’s putting it other places. ;)

  2. Janelle O says:

    See! Yesterday I told you I found out I am having another boy. This is why I cried a little bit at first. Because as funny as this is (and it is REALLY funny) you know a girl would figure that sh*t out. :) ….at least my life will always be full of laughs. (And I’ll always be queen b*tch in my own house). Thanks for the giggle.

  3. Leslie says:

    OMG!!! This is hilirious…I tell ya, sometimes you gotta show kids EVERYTHING :0)

  4. Kristin W says:

    My daughter came home from school yesterday and said that her class had gotten “the talk” from the guidance counselor. I was surprised, because usually they send home a note for stuff like that. Turns out, “the talk” was about personal hygiene and how they should all shower daily and use deodorant! I’ll have to ask her if they showed her how to take the lid off!

  5. Julie says:

    You crack me up. And make me cringe, because I have exactly the same shit to look forward to. Maybe I’ll start making Dramasaur and Stanky wear some (though I have yet to find a deodorant for gassy-ass).

  6. No!! A girl will not figure that shit out!!! Girl PreTeen/Teen asses stink too! And not only is there sometimes a fight about fixing the pit smell from hell, there is a problem getting them to thoroughly scrub there dam head!!! And that shit is bad! Especially if they have a thick head of hair! I made the mistake of sticking my hand in G10′s head last summer when she got home from her Grams! Her hair looked funny. The crap was like Grease Pit nasty with a big spot of dry soap piled in there!! IT WAS DISGUSTING!! She was only gone three – four days!! What the Hell is up with that! I would rather deal with Mud Pies, Barn sent and Exhaust Fumes from the boys around here than ever touch something like that again, let alone check for it regularly so it never happens again, which it does!

    1. Janelle O says:

      Seriously?! Holy crap! That’s so funny! Dude, when I was a kid my parents let me get ready for school on my own in the morning (like 4th grade on). That probably wouldn’t fly these days, but I was a super responsible kid and well, it was the 80′s. Anyway…it was the days of mile high hairsprayed hair so I loaded my head with that shit every day. At the tender age of 10, I didn’t know enough to really use my nails to scrub my sticky ass scalp in the shower. So apparently my Ma took me to the salon and the hairdresser found green scaley stuff all over my head. It was all freaking dried, clumped hairspray scales! My hairdresser called over every other hairdresser in the joint to figure out what it was. My mother could have killed me because she was so embarrassed! I guess I ought to think about THAT shit when I lament having another boy. :)

      1. The Crazy Anutie says:

        Found this site yesterday and been catching up. About 5 years ago I lived with a guy who had 3 daughters, we had them every weekend. I took care of the bathing of the younger 2 (they were 5 an 7 when I moved there) The oldest (12) knew how to take care of her hygiene thank goodness (although I was the 1 who had to explain girls have 3 holes down there less than a month after moving in, I guess her mom had never talked to her about all this nor did she figure it out herself, she thought she had her period and peed out the same hole, that was a nice conversation!) After a little over a year I decided to move back to my home state and before I left I made sure the younger 2 knew how to take a shower and thoroughly clean their long hair and other girl areas mind you i never cleaned it for them but always made sure they did when I was supervising the bath time. I got a huge Thank you from my ex and their mom. I made sure they were not going to be stinky haired girls!

  7. Leslie says:

    I’m dying over here ^^^^

  8. Boy do I remember those days.
    My oldest just turned 25 today and the youngest will be 21 in two weeks, but I remember that smell SO well. The is nothing like it in the world.

    I saw your profile on WKMG Channel 6 news and have been checking out your blog, I LOVE it. So glad you were on the news with Lauren.

    1. Felice says:

      I saw this blogger’s story on the news as well and had to read it! SO glad I did!

    2. Hot Mess Mom says:

      thank you so much! And welcome!

  9. youdontknowme says:

    I just saw you on the news and couldn’t wait to come and visit your blog. I’m laughing so hard!! You all are hysterical!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      thank you! And welcome!

  10. Felice says:

    WOW – I am experiencing this same issue with my daughter, and I promise you it is topping the list of “Worsts” for me! I mean, she’s been going through “the change” (the first “change” in her lifetime as a female) since 4th grade and it’s a pretty tricky issue to scale, I tell you what! I don’t want to give her a complex or create any self-image issues in her at such a young age because we all know they will remain with you a lot longer the “the change” will….Lord knows, I do not want to do that to my baby girl, my only child, my lil lady…but wooo-WOO! I’ve had to toss several shirts because no amount of laundry detergent or Febreeze will help..and she def wears deodorant, always has. *sigh* So I can truly relate, Mom(s)! And it’s a comfort to know I’m not alone in this :)

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Definitely not alone!

  11. Angela Johnson says:

    Just wait until they suddenly start taking 5 showers a day…you’ll think “FINALLY! They get how bad they stank!”…and then slow realization dawns on you as you look at your hubby whose arms are across his chest, he’s nodding like a fool, with a huge cheshire cat grin on his fuck face, the thought cloud coming outta the dust saying “thats my boy!”

    1. Jennifer says:

      Oh Man! I’m glad I have a boy cuz i don’t care about given him a hygiene complex, but that KILLS IT…oh man! Can’t win…

    2. Felice says:

      Hahahaaaaa! My little darling is doing that now!

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