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Hot Mess Mom » Antics, Family, Grown-up time, Stellar Parenting Advice » Halloween~ it’s my favorite

Halloween~ it’s my favorite


I love Halloween.  LOVE LOVE LOVE Halloween.  I love the decorations, I love the candy, I love the weather.  I LOVE HALLOWEEN. 

My kids also love Halloween, as all kids do.  Of course, they love the candy but I don’t let them keep much of it.  If it’s in the house, I’m the one who eats it, not them, marking the beginning of my annual 10 pound winter weight gain.  Generally they get to pick 20-25 pieces to keep and I donate or trash the rest.  Ultimately it is their choice.  If they take the 25 pieces, I give them $10.  If they decide to keep the candy, they get no money but I still regulate their sugar intake and most of the candy winds up in the trash anyway.   It’s taken years, but they are finally learning to accept the cash with a sugary smile. 

My girlfriend over at HallowFreaks posted about The Candy Witch.  I wish I would have known of this earlier.  As my kids are phasing out of Santa and Tooth Fairy beliefs, now isn’t the time to introduce a new mythical night visitor {same reason I can’t use the Elf of the Shelf…well…that and total lack of interest.. but I digress}.  BUT..for those of you with small children and an aversion to cavities, The Candy Witch is a great idea!

The candy limit is not the biggest argument in my house for Halloween.  The biggest point of contention at Chez HMM every year is costuming. 

“Why”  do you ask?  “Why would costumes be an issue?  You have 3 boys. No slutty fairy costumes.  No sexy witches.  No Toddler & Tiara inspired gowns..  What could boys want to be that would inspire arguments during your favorite time of year HMM? What??”

Well, I’m glad you asked. It’s not what they WANT to be.. it’s what they DON’T want to be.  I have a hard and fast rule that one must be bloody, bruised and otherwise gory for All Hallows Eve.  My boys want to be Football players or GI Joe.  Really?  It’s as if they’ve never met me.   Until the age of 8 (well, only 6 for Number Three) my boys were allowed to chose whatever costume they wanted.  I spent tons of money and they had free reign..  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Bob the Builder, Captain Jack Sparrow, a Pea in a Pod, whatever.  They wanted it, they got it.  But when they hit 8 years old, no more store bought costumes.  When they hit 8, it’s time to be a zombie or a ghost or a vampire or a victim of  train crash.  When they hit 8, it’s time for blood. 

Number One has always been on board with this.  Number Three is not as eager, but has accepted his fate as a part of this family.  Number Two fights me every year.   In 2010, we were all bloody, dead, or otherwise injured.  Number Two was a soldier.  Last year I insisted that he be gory and the most he’d let me do was give him a ghastly face- no blood. 











This year, he wants this. 







 I want this:








I bought each of the above kits and gave him first dibs.  He wants none of them.  ?????   I told him to be a dead or dismembered football player, it’s a good compromise.  He declined.  We are at an impasse.  He won’t budge.  I won’t budge.   I’m trying to bargain with him.  I’m even trying to bribe him.  He’s having none of it.   He’s losing his Golden Child status quickly.   We live in a neighborhood of cute.  Everyone is cute.  Moms are cute, Dads are cute, kids are cute and pets are cute.  There are cute decorations in everyone’s yard.  They give out cute bags with cute candy.  I don’t do cute.  I do creepy. 


















It should be noted that I do not like scary things.  I hate to be scared.  I do not watch scary movies.  I do not go to haunted houses (unless under duress). Never jump out at me in the dark unless you plan on getting cut.  I do not like scary.  But I love bloody, yucky, creepy…. love it.  I spend hours on Halloween afternoon making up the kids, Seven, myself, and the occasional neighbor.  It’s seriously one of my favorite things to do. 










This year, we are having Muffy & Eeyore, The 2-Carat Princess & The Senator, Ice-Queen & Pterodactyl over on Friday.  The 8 of us spend a LOT of time together.  Trips, vacations, dinners, play-dates and more..  you name it, we do it– usually together.   As I’ve mentioned before, we are very good friends but we are not nice to one another.  At all.  We are brutally mean.  You can not be thin-skinned and survive.  We point out each others flaws with regularity and a shocking lack of empathy.  No one is safe.  Seven’s idea for this Halloween was for each of us to dress like someone else in the group.  It’s brilliant.  Muffy thinks we should celebrate extra hard on Friday because it will be the last time we will all be together.  She’s afraid it’s going to break us.. We are so mean on a normal day, she is apprehensive of what will come out in a carte blanche slaughter.   I’m not.  I’m thrilled and get the giggles every time I think about it.  

Expect either an awesome follow-up post this weekend or silence.  If it’s silence, either we all broke up or I’m just too hungover to think.  Either way, it won’t be good. 

So.. One week and counting ’til All Hallows Eve.  I’m going to enjoy every second of it.  I’m going to practice my cosmetic bruising technique and keep working on my costume for Friday.  I’m going to make creepy crawly appetizers. I’ll be cruising Pinterest for some dark and creepy food ideas.  I’m keeping my internet radio tuned to Halloween Spooktacular for non-stop Halloween music.  And I’m going to try to avoid that damned candy.  

Wish me luck.  And click that banner below or you will be haunted by the ghost of John Bobbitt’s penis forever.  It’s true.

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Filed under: Antics, Family, Grown-up time, Stellar Parenting Advice



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23 Responses to "Halloween~ it’s my favorite"

  1. Thanks for the shout outs! {Happy hauntings!!}

  2. Adriene says:

    I have a friend who runs a non-profit that sends care packages to our troops overseas. Last year, all 3 of mine went through their candy bags and each donated a substantial amount to go into the care packages. They felt good about contributing and I didn’t have to be the Candy Witch :-)

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      I thought you can’t send anything chocolate that way because of the melting and the mess.. I was told only hard candy.. ??

      1. Adriene says:

        She saves the melty stuff for the cold months.

  3. Muffy says:

    It’s “carte blanche,” and I’m adopting #2 this year for Halloween so he can be whatever he wants. I’m telling you now because our friendship will be long over by Wednesday.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      ha! I actually appreciate the grammar correction, but am dissapointed in your lack of faith. We are strong! And also, if we break up, your HMM name goes back to what it was originally. Nobody wants that.

  4. karrie says:

    I am all for your rules, but damn… he picked a Gator costume and that, to me, trumps all! GOGATORS! I actually think I will be a zombie Gator fan for the zombie lurch on saturday, since we will be watching the game before heading out.

  5. Tatted Mom says:

    You know I’m the same as you when it comes to Halloween. We’re finally moving on base next week, the day before Halloween, and last week I met this woman whose daughter is in my daughter’s class. She’s trying to make friends with me, and then she tells me that her daughter (10 years old) wants to be an ice skating princess for Halloween. My daughter? A zombie with blood and guts everywhere.

    I don’t think this friendship is going to work out…


  6. Kirstyn says:

    My #1 put together “70′s Disco Zombie” for this year — picture white Elvis jumpsuit, afro wig, huge disco ball earrings…and zombie makeup. Want to trade kiddos? I have no idea how to do “zombie”.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      bring her here! i’ll zombie her up.

  7. leah says:

    We’ve been doing the candy witch since forever but we call it the switch witch. I love the person who taught it to me.

    I have been planning my halloween costume for a month. I’m going as the Corpse Bride. Gonna be partying at the Parliament House and I WANT the $4000 prize!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      awesome! I love me some Parliament House.. I haven’t been there in YEARS!

  8. Late to the Party says:

    I don’t even know what to do with this information. I just cried a little. And I’m off the booze and I just remembered that little fact, so now I’m crying harder.
    With that said, I can’t wait to see pictures!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me know if anyone needs bailed out of jail.

  9. bitchcutter says:

    how’s this?

  10. sliceuhbitty says:

    or this?

  11. innocuousnessh8r says:

    any better?

  12. i should go to bed says:

    is really probably what it should be today.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      you should probably go with “Trainwreck” ;)

  13. Kristen Mae says:

    My kid is TERRIFIED of anything bloody or gory or scary in any way. I really hope he outgrows this because I’m dying to try my hand at zombie make-up. That zipper-face would be SWEET. :D

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      yes.. I am WAY stoked about the zipper face.. I’m going to do the stapled neck gash on me and I think Seven is gonna get the zipper…

  14. Forget the kids… mine are older now and yes, the 2 girls are always slutty pirates, nurses, soldiers (Yeah, you can even make a soldier sexy)… I go to an annual huge Halloween bash. I’m totally getting that zipper face for ME! I hope I can make it look that good! :)

  15. Margo says:

    What the hell…… My daughters in Kindergarden . I’ve been trying to fit unit this society driven parish for the past 3 years. I have not been raised as a catholic in KC, but spiritually this is what I am. These women are numb. Have no feelings. They are formed by past experiences. They have no soul I’m convinced.

  16. [...] night was our Mean Halloween shindig.  We each to dress like each other.  It was awesome.  Enjoy the pics [...]

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