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Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, Family, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » Guilt. what an annoying emotion

Guilt. what an annoying emotion

I was raised Catholic.  So, guilt is as much a part of my life as breathing or menstruation.   I’m okay with it for the most part.  I firmly believe that guilt is a wasted emotion and I try to push it aside when it rears its ugly guilty head. 

Next to Catholic guilt, Parenting guilt is the heaviest form of guilt.     I missed a soccer game.  I fed my kids cereal for dinner.  Whoops, I forgot to get them from school…  guilt, guilt, guilt. 

My boys are in a play this weekend.  3 shows.  Last night Seven and I went together.  Today Seven stayed home while I ran around getting flowers and directors gifts and food for the cast party.   I attended the matinee,  held the cast party and fed 65 children.   I delegated the presentation of the gifts to another mom. 

Now I’m home.  On the couch.  I’m showered, my face is scrubbed, my hair is in a bun and I’m lounging in pajamas.  It’s 7:07 pm on Saturday  night.  I’m exausted.   The boys’ last performance is starting now.  (Note: they have no starring roles in tonights performance..they are part of the chorus).  Seven is there.  I am here.  

I feel guilty.  And that annoys the shit out of me.   Nowhere in the parenting manual does it say that you have to sit through 6 hours of children’s theatre in a 24-hour period.   But I feel bad for not doing it.   I almost just got in my car and went.  But I’m not going to do it.    My head knows that my children could care less if I’m there at this moment.  But my stupid guilty heart feels otherwise.

I will not bend to the guilt.  I won’t.

I’m pouring a glass of wine.  I’m turning off the computer.  I’m getting a pillow and a blanket and I’m going to watch Horrible Bosses.  Alone. 

don’t judge me.


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Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

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6 Responses to "Guilt. what an annoying emotion"

  1. Kar says:

    Friday was our last day for quarterly reports for our clients, when I ran my reports there were issues I needed to deal with. I called a close Mom friend at Kaileen’s school – she was working on the PTA fundraiser for that evening… “Can I please release Kaileen to you after school so that I can finish my work and get to the fundraiser as soon as possible??” “Of course Karen – she and Avani can play while we finish set up.” (Note I am scheduled to be there from 4 to 8 to do face painting in which in the morning I made a whole poster board of boys and girls choices) I am so thankful and get back to my payroll work. Chuck is at Humana and delivering payroll to new clients. at 2:15 I get a call…. from the director at Charlie’s school…. I am all Hey how is it going??? How are you?? What can I do for you….” hmmmm – Well Charlie is in my office… where are you? Is everything ok?? He was suppose to be picked up at 2?? OMG that is right! I DO have 2 children….. shit shit shit. I was raised Catholic and my children are being raised Catholic…. talk about GUILT!! Love you and you deserve a rest!!!!

  2. Ellen says:

    I hate the guilt that comes w/ parenthood. Being single I would feel guilty only cause I came out to the bar too late.

  3. marz says:

    You’re funny. Sounds like you deserve the break. :)

  4. Tatted Mom says:

    Guilt is how I sucked myself into 3 hours of gluing bottle caps onto wood with my kids at my dad’s yesterday. He wanted to give me a day off & take the kids for me, but I didn’t want my kids to have memories of a big crafting experience without me… So I went. Blah. Hope you enjoyed the relaxation, girlie!

  5. Lisa says:

    I gave up guilt for Lent. My husband and friends made fun of me, saying it wasn’t something you could “give up”. I countered that letting go of guilt is harder than quitting Diet Coke or chocolate. It’s been three weeks since Easter, but I’m still giving up the guilt. My life is much more pleasant. But guilt is still very hard to let go of…

  6. liese531 says:

    I try not to give in to guilt. I started with the parenting guilt as soon as I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Its been an ongoing challenge to let it go. I think my old age has been the biggest help in letting it go. I just don’t have the time or the energy to waste on feeling guilty or responsible for other peoples emotions. I am not that powerful and no one really cares what I’m doing anyway.
    Number One wont remember that you weren’t there one night. He will remember more important things, like kicking you out of your bed so he could spend quality time with Seven.

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