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Hot Mess Mom » Tuesdays with Gooley » Gooley’s thoughts on urine, ratatouille and wine.

Gooley’s thoughts on urine, ratatouille and wine.

 

Piss…a retrospective,

OK people, its Friday night and I’ve had a fewish cocktails and a really good bottle of wine…with Big Balls. It’s important to encapsulate the following with an economy of words as my stomach can only handle so much.  I will tiptoe into this gently.

Tonight I cooked. Don’t snicker or judge. As a matter of fact, you all can bite me because I am a damn good cook. Ratatouille with homegrown vegetables over quinoa pasta topped with Reggiano Parmesan.

On the side? Spicy chicken sausage browned slightly and then simmered just enough to remain moist; this after appetizers of pate and triple cream brie. The wine? A fortunate find from the local hippie market – a Chilean Carmenere that complimented my creation with adulation. In other words – fucking brilliant.

Now I feel better about disclosing the following. Not much better, but here it goes. Did I mention I’ve had wine?

For three solid months (a few years ago), every single morning, I injected warm morning piss into Big Balls’ ass cheek with a hypodermic needle. That’s right…Here is where you have the opportunity to click away – far, far away. I actually encourage you to NOT read this. You may never recover.

In fact, I had effectively BLOCKED this memory to preserve what’s left of my sanity until recently when I had this text exchange with Miss Messy Pants.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s right. I would have succeeded in suppressing this memory if I did not receive this illuminating text last week from HMM. Apparently, when she was here at Chez BB a couple of months ago, a conversation evolved that shed light on the fact that Number 1 struggles with allergies. Well, BB is at heart a problem solver. He can’t help himself. So immediately he thought it appropriate to share his alternative allergy therapy tactic with HMM – shamelessly and serious as can be – enough to sit at his desk and write it all out.

In all fairness, BB did a lot of research and comes to this solution after exhausting exploration of therapies both traditional and insane. AND, It did work for him.

But good god of all that is holy – FILTER FIRST. This is not casual conversation.

Do you now see why we live in the middle of nowhere? There are more stories. I will not even begin to talk about the new addition to the alt-Med collection that is sitting in the middle of our living room and has been for three weeks.  Apparently this little gem, once understood and activated, shoots ozone up your butthole and/or earhole. I shit you not. I walk by the contraption every day in fear – cuz soon I may have to do some form of implementation and I’m just not strong enough. Please help!

I could go in so many directions about all the details, but I won’t.  I do, however, welcome lively question and answer. I’m too drunk to ramble on now and this is such rich material, so let’s play folks…That is if you aren’t retching violently and banned me from your consciousness.

Gooley out….of his mind.


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10 Responses to "Gooley’s thoughts on urine, ratatouille and wine."

  1. Madwoman says:

    Ermegherd. I’m at once laughing and suffering slight trauma. In fact, I think it’s nervous laughter. Yes, definetely that. However, I should add that I commend Big Balls for solving his allergy problem with his urine. This is ingenious. I’m off to google it, although there is probably not enough wine (especially the badass kind you get) and klonopin to make me ever actually do it. You say it worked?! LMAO…brilliance!

  2. Gooley says:

    I’m just happy you were able to read it through. Star sticker for you.
    The wine is actually a Trader Joes find called “found object” for 5.99. We like to play a game finding top shelf wines for $10 or less. Wine pretension is mostly bullshit.

  3. No piss injections at the MMM please. Anything goes in Nola, except piss injections. Not sexy at all.

  4. Haha!!! Madwoman said “ermagerd”!!
    Persss injerctsherns…

  5. Gooley says:

    More on wine… If you can’t find “found object” try other cameneres it’s a strain of bone once thought abolished but recently resurrected. Very complex and most know nothing about it.
    Of course BB could go on forever.
    You will likely find good deals.

  6. Gooley says:

    Damn phone! Stain of bone??
    Strain of vine

  7. Kristen Mae says:

    You’ve grossed out and impressed me at the same time.

  8. ummm gross! I can’t believe people actually want to do that! yucky

  9. Diary of a Madwoman says:

    Sweet Jesus Gooley…I read strain of bone and got really scared. Like my whole body got hot. Facking hystericalllll!!!!!!!!!!!
    The Perssh Injerctcherns was enough…………

  10. karrie says:

    very… interesting…. I didn’t get grossed out though! I may attack my husband with a needle now because he’s always sneezing and coughing and allerging so much it hurts my ears. heh heh and he won’t be pleased. I like the strain of bone better, made me giggle because my mind is always in the gutter. Now I wonder if I inject him with the dog or cat’s pee, it will help since he’s allergic to them too. bwahahahahahah I am enjoying this too much. what does that say about me??? :)

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