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Hot Mess Mom » Tuesdays with Gooley » Gooley on TRUTH

Gooley on TRUTH

TRUTH

 

I’ll assume everyone read Boo’s guest post. If you haven’t, DO IT, and drift back when you are done. It points toward, pinches, and punches at everything important and meaningful in life – from my perspective anyway.

I’ll make a few assumptions and take liberties here based on what I read directly and between the lines of Boo’s truth; for I saw myself and my process more clearly while reading her words. I imagine anyone reading her brave contribution sees themselves and their own vulnerabilities as well. Maybe you felt a bit lighter knowing that you are not alone. Why? Well, something beautiful – even powerful – happens when witnessing someone availing their vulnerability. The bigger part of you KNOWS how difficult this is and that bigger part of you – the REAL You – holds the space for Truth. There is nothing more powerful than authenticity. Nothing. Period. For Authenticity is Love.

OK – I’m going down a hippie wormhole here so bear with me as I try to make sense of this. (I don’t want to edit – I want to flow)

I imagine, when HMM asked to Boo to write a post, a series of events triggered inside her brain, heart and soul. I assume this because it happened to me when asked to write on her blog. The invitation was innocent enough. “Gooley, Contribute to HMM. We’ll call it Tuesday’s with Gooley. You can snark and it’ll be just swell.” Something like that anyway. In my mind, I KNEW it wouldn’t be that simple. I think too much. I can’t fake anything for long. I have to be real. I would then have to be interesting. That which makes me most interesting is what I have spent a lifetime keeping quiet.  So, I knew that my carefully protected bubble of Big Balls, weirdness, and life off grid was about to get popped. It scared the shit out of me but I HAD to do it. Don’t know why – just had to.

So, I imagine that Boo experienced her own version of this. It’s friggin hard to put yourself out there like this; at first anyway. Once you tiptoe in and realize the water is fine – even fantastic – then the dynamic changes. Initially it was like that dream we have all had where we are running in the junior high school hallway naked and forgetting the locker combination. All the buttons pushed and the feeling of judgmental eyes fixed and ready to shoot fire. Maybe Boo navigated through her own version of this. Because Boo had the balls to swim in the discomfort, she ended up doing the most powerful thing possible – share her actual experience and feelings. She could have easily said no. She could have written about something less present. Instead we got HER. I acknowledge her for that. I acknowledge anyone for stepping outside of their comfort zone – for any reason.

It’s how we grow. It’s what I live for. It’s what I hope to model for others.

I don’t do it nearly enough and am newly inspired to jump into some uncomfortable waters once again – because I am starting to feel moss growing on my dense form human flesh sack. I can’t ignore my Authentic Self any longer. This is the trap of a conscious life – you can’t go back to sleep once you have seen the potential of living the big version of YOU. You can sleep – but it’s the worst sort of restless sleep imaginable. I’ve been asleep.  Fucking sucks.

So, what the hell am I going to do about it? Not sure. I did not expect to arrive at a commitment when I opened the F-ing laptop this evening.  This is an example of how this whole blog experience has been. I am on this bizarre ride. I participate fully and let go of the outcome. I like it this way. It’s uncomfortable. It’s surreal. It suits my fractured personality to a T.

STOP – I’m avoiding the question I asked myself using words as filler. Fuck.

So, once again, what the fuck do I intend to do?  Gulping – cuz to put into writing and out for others to witness begins the chain reaction. Thoughts and intentions create form – with the magical and necessary ingredient of action of course.

I want to write a book.

I want to play music.

I want to write music.

I want to make people laugh.

I want to be a steward of the land.

I want to participate in community.

I want to create art.

I want to be art.

I want to live art.

There is more.

It will be my challenge to take these statements and turn them into action statements. “I am playing music. I am writing a book” Etc. etc.

For now, I will close the laptop knowing that I did more than just write “splooge.” Instead I set forth a series of events. I did something important. I stepped outside of my bubble of unfulfilled potential and stabbed the flag of awesome into the ground claiming possibility. Now the hard part – action.

I REALLY don’t want to write a post 3 months from now about how lame I am for not stepping up. That would fucking suck.

Damn Mommy Blog :)


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7 Responses to "Gooley on TRUTH"

  1. Toby says:

    Oh man… public accountability is a bitch!

    You know if you need any help in getting something done, I’m here for ya, my brother.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Toby.. should my feelings be hurt that you only comment on writing that does NOT come from me?? ;) xoxo

  2. Boo says:

    Here’s the scene:

    Me. Midnight. Packed for trip. Exhausted.

    Thinking about your post all day. Wanting to respond, but not having the time to do so properly.

    Sat down on couch with laptop. Began writing, and writing and editing, wanting to express my thoughts and idea articulately despite being balls out tired.

    Last time I looked at the clock it was 12:30. I was almost done.

    Woke up after falling asleep in a upright position, my lap a little too warm from the laptop still sitting on it. The same laptop which had hybernated during my slumber. I panicked. Got it running.

    Everything was gone. Freaking, fucking gone.

    So upset, yet still tired. Threw the laptop on the floor, got into a prone position and slept.

    Woke up this morning still pissed, still tired, but having to help load the car. We are about to leave on our journey to the Jersey Shore. I am told there is wifi there. I will find a way to comment, and will do so when I’ve had tons of coffee and with obnoxious, flourescent lighting burning my retinas, thus keeping my eyes open.

    It will happen. Just know I adore you. And have an idea.

  3. This post really resonates. I do think, however, that there needs to be another dynamic added – “I did and I failed, now what the fuck do I do?” For example, I wrote a book, sent it to hundreds of agents and they all scoffed (or never replied). I call this failure. The process did allow me to receive countless helpful tips and some blunt criticism that only made my skin thicker, but even after multiple editing phases – nada. It has since been “shelved” for three years.

  4. Dan Mcsherry says:

    Settle down big guy its probably just a transient feeling. I feel like I am going to stomp on the world often and it turns out to be just like every other day. Which is pretty fucking good…I have pretty much every vice known to mankind and wrestle mostly with getting back in physical shape. I have plenty of excuses too! BUT YOU? WTF is wrong with you…You dont need to do any of that shit. But if for some reason it will fulfill you and channel your creativity then do it…But do it not because you have unmet your potential or your importance…You are already a shepherd,teacher and mentor. You are an artist of life! Anyway FOOTBALL starting next Wednesday so put it off till next spring ;)

  5. Boo says:

    I promised you an idea…a plan.

    I was gifted art collage therapy by one of my friends. We did it together. I thought it was going to be hokey. It was very therapeutic and eye opening.

    You have studied and researched and read ways to better our psyches and bodies during our time here on Earth. You chose Buddha Balls as your life partner, for Christmas sake…you live with a person who embodies his spirit. You made your father drink goddess knows what to give him more time to finish whatever “work” he needed to finish before passing. Do you have any idea the gifts you have to share?

    My idea: Build a simple, peaceful lodge with an all white, soothing interior, water features galore, plush furniture, equisite bedding…but simple. Inviting. A haven of safety. Build it somewhere on your property as infused with nature as possible. Then host quarterly retreats to a small group of lucky-ass people. Start building the process now of the exercises for spirit building and bullshit bye bye. I’d say a week would suffice…long enough to purge and merge into a new way of being. Include music therapy, art therapy, writing therapy, reiki, massage, cleansing, and eat food grown from your organic garden. Take them on a few daytrips to places that you feel are holy and healing. I can’t imagine the number of people you and BB know who can come in and lead an exercise or two so you can be part of the process as a receiver rather than a teacher.

    Dude. Build those small communities. Lead them toward change in their life. I can’t imagine a bigger gift that you can give than to use your “powers” for good. That hits almost every one of your “want to’s” that you listed above. You will make them laugh because you are a funny son of a bitch. I’d come. I’d come every year. I of course would need you to cut my a tremendous discount for my growth, but we’re in love so I know you’ll do that for me.

    Commit to doing it for a year, and boom, there’s your novel. A novel full of peril and triumph. Tell their stories and your story, because it is the collective story of humanity. Give people a spark in novel form that, with work, they can turn into a fire.

    Sure, all of this is being done on one level or another by many other people, but not by you. Be a Shepard. Lead a flock. In the midst of that, I have a feeling you’ll become part of the flock yourself because you will be learning from everyone you are teaching.

    The biggest thing would be to build the lodging. That’s a large undertaking, but you and BB can handle it. I will help you market the shit out of it, and so would HMM…and I have a feeling, a lot of her blog followers will as well. She is building MMM….pick up your hammer and start building something similar as well.

    That’s my idea. When I think of you doing it, a surge of energy runs through me. I never met you, but I already feel like I am getting to know you at a primal level, and even through your writing and your comments to my writing, you give me strength. If you can do that through a blog, I can’t even imagine how many lives you will better by extending your reach in this sort of way. And by the way, you already have a beautiful instrument that you can play to create the most beautiful music…it’s you. So play it. Loudly.

  6. Boo says:

    By the way….you wrote a sentence above that is gorgeous. I read it, and made a tiny gasp. And then I read it a few more times. It’s fucking beautiful.

    ” I stepped outside of my bubble of unfulfilled potential and stabbed the flag of awesome into the ground claiming possibility.”

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