I’ll assume everyone read Boo’s guest post. If you haven’t, DO IT, and drift back when you are done. It points toward, pinches, and punches at everything important and meaningful in life – from my perspective anyway.
I’ll make a few assumptions and take liberties here based on what I read directly and between the lines of Boo’s truth; for I saw myself and my process more clearly while reading her words. I imagine anyone reading her brave contribution sees themselves and their own vulnerabilities as well. Maybe you felt a bit lighter knowing that you are not alone. Why? Well, something beautiful – even powerful – happens when witnessing someone availing their vulnerability. The bigger part of you KNOWS how difficult this is and that bigger part of you – the REAL You – holds the space for Truth. There is nothing more powerful than authenticity. Nothing. Period. For Authenticity is Love.
OK – I’m going down a hippie wormhole here so bear with me as I try to make sense of this. (I don’t want to edit – I want to flow)
I imagine, when HMM asked to Boo to write a post, a series of events triggered inside her brain, heart and soul. I assume this because it happened to me when asked to write on her blog. The invitation was innocent enough. “Gooley, Contribute to HMM. We’ll call it Tuesday’s with Gooley. You can snark and it’ll be just swell.” Something like that anyway. In my mind, I KNEW it wouldn’t be that simple. I think too much. I can’t fake anything for long. I have to be real. I would then have to be interesting. That which makes me most interesting is what I have spent a lifetime keeping quiet. So, I knew that my carefully protected bubble of Big Balls, weirdness, and life off grid was about to get popped. It scared the shit out of me but I HAD to do it. Don’t know why – just had to.
So, I imagine that Boo experienced her own version of this. It’s friggin hard to put yourself out there like this; at first anyway. Once you tiptoe in and realize the water is fine – even fantastic – then the dynamic changes. Initially it was like that dream we have all had where we are running in the junior high school hallway naked and forgetting the locker combination. All the buttons pushed and the feeling of judgmental eyes fixed and ready to shoot fire. Maybe Boo navigated through her own version of this. Because Boo had the balls to swim in the discomfort, she ended up doing the most powerful thing possible – share her actual experience and feelings. She could have easily said no. She could have written about something less present. Instead we got HER. I acknowledge her for that. I acknowledge anyone for stepping outside of their comfort zone – for any reason.
It’s how we grow. It’s what I live for. It’s what I hope to model for others.
I don’t do it nearly enough and am newly inspired to jump into some uncomfortable waters once again – because I am starting to feel moss growing on my dense form human flesh sack. I can’t ignore my Authentic Self any longer. This is the trap of a conscious life – you can’t go back to sleep once you have seen the potential of living the big version of YOU. You can sleep – but it’s the worst sort of restless sleep imaginable. I’ve been asleep. Fucking sucks.
So, what the hell am I going to do about it? Not sure. I did not expect to arrive at a commitment when I opened the F-ing laptop this evening. This is an example of how this whole blog experience has been. I am on this bizarre ride. I participate fully and let go of the outcome. I like it this way. It’s uncomfortable. It’s surreal. It suits my fractured personality to a T.
STOP – I’m avoiding the question I asked myself using words as filler. Fuck.
So, once again, what the fuck do I intend to do? Gulping – cuz to put into writing and out for others to witness begins the chain reaction. Thoughts and intentions create form – with the magical and necessary ingredient of action of course.
I want to write a book.
I want to play music.
I want to write music.
I want to make people laugh.
I want to be a steward of the land.
I want to participate in community.
I want to create art.
I want to be art.
I want to live art.
There is more.
It will be my challenge to take these statements and turn them into action statements. “I am playing music. I am writing a book” Etc. etc.
For now, I will close the laptop knowing that I did more than just write “splooge.” Instead I set forth a series of events. I did something important. I stepped outside of my bubble of unfulfilled potential and stabbed the flag of awesome into the ground claiming possibility. Now the hard part – action.
I REALLY don’t want to write a post 3 months from now about how lame I am for not stepping up. That would fucking suck.
Damn Mommy Blog
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Filed under: Tuesdays with Gooley
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