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Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome » Discussing your kids on Facebook- the good, the bad, & the ugly

Discussing your kids on Facebook- the good, the bad, & the ugly

 

I have a blog.  Officially, I have a “Mommy blog”.  Clearly, I talk about my children.  I talked about my children before I had a blog.  I shared stories with friends on the phone, in person, via email, and eventually on Facebook.

Our Facebook pages are an extension of our person.  It’s the new millenium’s version of the diary we let our girlfriends read.  If something is private, you don’t put it on Facebook.  All else is fair game– fodder to be shared with the masses.

I enjoy the fodder.  I enjoy Facebook.  I like “knowing” what is going on in peoples lives without all that pesky personal contact.  I like to see pictures of my friend’s children as they grow.  I enjoy watching family vacations unfold.  It’s fun to see statuses change from ‘single” to “in a relationship” to “married” and then back to “it’s complicated”.  These are things I enjoy.

There are things however, that I do not enjoy.  Sometimes I roll my eyes, other times I cringe.   And still others, I want to reach through my computer screen and hit someone in the head with a tack hammer.

No one talks about their children more than me.  (“Mommy” blogger, remember?)   How great would this blog be if I told you every day how awesome and incredible and smart and respectful  my children and my husband were?   Not great at all.  It would be sans greatness.  It would be great-free.  Great-less.

It would be douche-baggery.

Which leads me to the reason for this post.  Sometimes I feel it is my responsibility to share common knowledge with people who’s behavior shows me that they just don’t know.  Some behavior is so confusing to me that my mind will not allow me to believe that people behave that way intentionally.  They just can’t know.   For example, I wrote School Pick-up & Drop-off guidelines not because I am an angry elf, but because I was doing a public service.  When I threatened to make that lady’s baby an orphan, I was simply trying to point out that 4 month-olds don’t speak and that no one looks good in a jersey dress.  Again- public service.

Today, I feel it imperative to establish some easily decipherable ‘best practices’ for posting about your family on Facebook.

A few examples:

  • Your child was struggling, worked really hard, got a good grade and you are so proud of him:  GOOD
  • Your child always gets good grades.  You are always proud of him.  You always post about it:  BAD
  • You post your child’s actual test scores so your cyber friends will know exactly how smart he is: UGLY

 

  • Your spouse sends you flowers for a special occasion or for no reason.  You post a pic:  GOOD
  • Your spouse sends you flowers, AGAIN. You post a pic. AGAIN.  You reflect on your good fortune for marrying such an amazingly thoughtful and generous person:  BAD
  • You post daily about your perfect family, perfect marriage, perfect children.  Nothing in your life is ever wrong:  UGLY


  • Your child’s sports team wins the big game.  Your child played well, perhaps even scored:  GOOD
  • Your child is the star of the team and you document weekly how many points he scored and what an amazing athlete he is:  BAD
  • You have no knowledge of anything else and can only communicate in sports analogies.  You have forgotten you once had an identity other than sport parent and therefore post from every practice, scrimmage, and game:  UGLY


  • Your child is accepted to an exclusive school.  You are thrilled and in awe:  GOOD
  • Of course your child was accepted to an exclusive school. He’s a genius!  Hasn’t everyone seen his test scores? You’ll post them again just in case.  BAD
  • You change your profile picture to that of a mascot for said school and share links of all pertinent school info including admission requirements and tuition.  UGLY
Thank you for your time.  Please spread the word and make the interweb a more enjoyable place for us all.
My work here is done.   {and yours will be too once you click that banner below! }
  

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Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome

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40 Responses to "Discussing your kids on Facebook- the good, the bad, & the ugly"

  1. Dina says:

    Just …. awesome. That is all. <3

  2. Tina says:

    I flipping ass agree on every thing, and if I thought that copying and pasting this to my wall would help these fucktards I would, but I’ve learned that they just don’t realize it’s them…….sigh

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      share it anyway.. if we rid the world of one douchebag, it will have been worth it ;)

      1. Kristen Mae says:

        Yes yes yes. Will share. Sharing now. Right now.

  3. Becky says:

    Love it! Although I only post on fb when hubby does something extra good, I don’t post his assiness because then it would over take my fb and after all it’s my fb not his! Kids are fair game good, bad, and all assiness.

  4. Carol says:

    OMG!!! I freaking LOVE this!!!! I cannot stand people who brag brag brag…. It’s one thing to be proud but quite another to be a boastful ass!!! Thanks for putting in words what I’ve never been tactful enough to do!!!

  5. heather says:

    thank you for that i hate people who constantly brag i can understanding being proud but when you go on and on and on about it that gets annoying glad someone had the nerve to finally say it

  6. Finally!! I’ve been waiting for your snarky brilliance all week! This is the best thing you’ve posted since MMM. Fuck bunk beds….This is the shit I love.
    I may even share this on facebook, you twatwaffle.
    Cox

    1. absolutley. bunk beds are ugly too.

  7. Clair says:

    So I just saw your post on FB about autocorrect and I literally LOL’d! Then I clicked on your page and liked you and read your blog on FB etiquette – I love you! You write about what I want to say!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      yay;) Welcome to HMM!

  8. Kelley says:

    Hahahahaha!!! Spot on!

  9. Joy says:

    I LOVE YOU! I love how you say what I’m thinking. And it relates so perfectly – you could be my neighbor. Scary to think there are that many douchebaggery parents out there…..

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      so many.. soo soo many…

  10. jacqui says:

    ho-ly.shit. so damn funny. and accurate, as usual…

  11. mytitoswasstolen says:

    omg… that shit is HILAROUS–but only because you nailed it. nailed it! LOVE. THIS. POST.

  12. Kris Vogel says:

    THIS. Can I please add a category? The chick that posts every last ingredient of her perfect, nutritious, gourmet fucking meals that she lovingly cooks and serves her family each day? We get it. You are a good cook. I don’t need to hear that shit all the time. And enough pictures of your food!! Fake-ass phony people.
    http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1313897240072_6858395.png

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      ha! i totally cook and sometimes post pics.. but i don’t cook that shit lovingly!! I cook it full of piss and vinegar ;)

      1. Kris says:

        Pffft – that’s right – you did recently post a picture of your dinner listing the ingredients! But your post was normal. If you knew my sister-in-law, who has to constantly brag about her epic meals…BARF. Love the blog, lets me know I’m not nuts.

  13. Ann says:

    i sooooooooooo totally agree.no child,marriage or family is perfect.we all have issues.it is these issues that make our family grow together and sometimes apart.but these issues also build memories.god knows my child and i have had some issues,but i wouldn’t trade one of them for the “perfect”child.same with my marriage.you tell them hmm.

  14. Meg says:

    I’d like to add to this list the bitch with three kids who hops on Facebook because she’s so BORED. Her kids nap in the morning and the afternoon and sleep for twelve hours every night. Why won’t they wake up?! She misses them! My little fuckers haven’t napped properly ever. The three year old has yet to sleep through the night. Let’s also apply these rules to Holiday cards. Looking forward to those little beauties rolling in. There is no way that my crazy ass, borderline alcoholic friends have such perfect children. Perfect pictures- yes! Perfect kids- please! Don’t tell me that your 10 year old finally got accepted into Princeton. Tell me that if he doesn’t stop pissing his bed you’re going to cash in his 529 plan for wine. BTW- I live in New Jersey and finally have electric, cable and internet back. Don’t know what I’ve missed more- daily showering or your hilarious blog. Pretty sure it’s your blog. Turns out the hubs doesn’t mind me a little dirty… and hairy. Who’s trying to be a hot mess now? :)

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      omg.. so glad you are clean and reading! If Seven minded me dirty or hairy we’d never see each other ;). And yes.. the Christmas card letter/updates crack me up.. I did one on the back of my card this year for the first time ever. It said one thing about each child.
      Number One went to sleep away camp for the 1st time
      Number Two has become a Florida Gator fanatic and makes us crazy.
      Number Three still bleeds every day from some accident.

      No grades. No concerts. No performances.. ;)

      1. Meg says:

        Hell yes, woman! Hell yes! That is the card I need to get. I just sign our names because I would not even know where to start. That’s actually not true… it would all start with a photo of my recycling bin and they can figure out the rest for themselves. Take care doll and keep it messy!

  15. Shannon says:

    Sorry. Cant help it if my husband/children/dog/menstrual cycle/life is perfect! I really want to let the world know how awesome everything is all the time. I really feel sorry for all those poor people living in the real world!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      your life has really improved since you went brunette ;)

  16. leah p says:

    Oddly while I plenty of other douche baggery on my fb feed and obnoxiousness, I have very little of those.

  17. Nikki says:

    I try to only post something good my kids did when I get an email from a reader asking me if I need a good therapist!

  18. Brett Minor says:

    My sister-in-law does the constant bragging in real life and it drives everyone nuts. Especially since she is married to my brother and I know better.

    As for Facebook, I have deleted people for this practice. I just get tired of hearing about it. Same with the flip side as well. Always complaining is not fun to read either.

  19. Julie says:

    http://www.education.com/magazine/article/facebook-faux-pas/
    I just posted this link on my Facebook today! No comments so the mommies it was meant for hopefully got the hint…

  20. Rhonda B says:

    That “One Up” game drives me insane!! I visualize their head exploding every time .. they think I am smiling at them!

  21. Elaine says:

    This is SUPERB!!! That shit drives me nutzz, especially the people who post about their pets.

  22. Sorry kid, your mon doesn't play well with others says:

    This is nothing but the truth! I rarely check my personal Facebook for the reason of over achieving parents pointing it out to us regular folk. My kids do well in school but I’m not about to bore up a newsfeed with pots of gold at the end of the rainbow, but I also wouldn’t clog it with. I can’t take it anymore bs, that really gets me going. All kids can be aholes, it is unnecessary for your co-workers and former classmates to hear every time you have a bad day. Make tomorrow your b**** and move along, whiners. Sorry rant over, great post!

  23. Cristina says:

    Your post is f’ing amazing. Facebook has become a breeding ground for people to overly brag about shit on a daily basis. I don’t mind seeing updates every now and then…but everyday posting about what you are having for dinner, not having money to do something (when last week they posted they bought a new car), you get my drift. Drives me flipping insane.

    I’m glad I stumbled upon your blog. You curse like I do and seem to have a real hold on life.

  24. I’m so self concious about FB nowadays that I end up deleting most everything I post. Had a Bday party for the hubby one night…invited about 6 couples…posted the group picture. We each got personal phone calls from the one chic who wasn’t invited wanting to know why! WOW!

  25. Lucy Bollings says:

    This is so great! I feel exactly the same way because I’m now a mom of teens and I just need to vent sometimes but always need to remind myself to self-edit. Not only to save my kids the embarrassment, but me as well – it’s just inevitable. But the teen years can be hilarious and challenging and it feels so great to share the experience with others! I recently read a super funny book called “Rusty Goes to Prom” and it’s a view into high school life through the 50-something janitor’s eyes – it scared me how often Rusty said things I constantly find myself saying under my breath when my kids are around. If you have teens I suggest you check it out, it’s only $.99. The author website is http://www.mikeronny.com. Great post!!!

  26. Amy says:

    Again, I completely agree with you. Before I read your piece, I read this lovely gem on Facebook. I am currently having a very hard time with my 12 year old daughter. Keep that in mind when reading this (totally real) FB entry. *Sigh*

    I don’t say it often enough but I am so proud of my daughter. She always maintained a high GPA through out high school, graduated with honors and has even continued it through college. She doesn’t miss time from work unless it’s scheduled time off. She’s never had a traffic violation or accident. She is very responsible with her money. Even though I may think she needs to help more around the house, she speeds most of her free time at home. She has never given me any trouble. All in all I had raised a very beautiful, thoughtful, honest, kind and gentle young lady and I feel so blessed to be able to say she’s mine. Love you baby girl! —

    I ask you, why was that necessary? Couldn’t this lady just tell her daughter that she was a great daughter and that she loved her? Brag. Brag. Brag. As you would say: UGLY.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Not to mention that kid sounds boring as fuck!! ;)

      1. Amy says:

        Yes! The part about her daughter spending all of her free time at home speaks volumes!

  27. I have a friend that doesn’t post often, but when she does, it’s ONLY the unicorn shooting rainbows out of its ass kind of stuff. She’s also like that on the phone – especially when I tell a story of what a shit storm my life might be at the moment. Needless to say, I’ve cut my communication with her WAY back. It’s not that I want to hear that someone’s life is falling apart, but when I feel like mine is…please don’t tell me how FABULOUS yours (her favorite word) is.

    Thanks for the opportunity to rant to a stranger. I’m done now.

    Carry on.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Cuz it’s redonk!!! Be real people!! I will celebrate ur good if it’s peppered with some bad !! Ugh!!!!

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