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Hot Mess Mom » Dear Diary, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » Dear Teenager, Is that an iPhone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Dear Teenager, Is that an iPhone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?


I’m a mother of boys.  I’m a friend of boys.  I’m married to a boy.  I understand boys.  I  like boys.. even the gross and bad parts..  I’m a “Boy’s Girl”.

In addition to my affinity for the opposite sex, I consider myself to be a very socially liberal person.  No prudishness here.. no sirree.

My boys ask about body parts, I tell them.  Babies?  I tell them.  Sex?  What do you want to know?  I tell them.   I talk to my kids about EVERYTHING.. the good, the bad, the difficult and the very ugly.

They bleed, I don’t faint.  They get injured, I don’t cry.  The leave a big huge shit in the toilet without flushing, I yell and then I flush it.



Except for when I find porn on my middle-schooler’s iPhone.  Not “naked lady” porn.  Full on porn.  I have to say.. then I rattle.

Now, listen… I get it.  Pubescent boys are disgusting.  They just are.  They stink.  They sleep all day.  They take hour-long showers.  The have morning-wood that lasts WAY past the morning.  Curiosity is normal.  I’d be concerned if my son DIDN’T show an interest in naked pictures.

That all being said, this whole interweb fad is a game changer.

To a child with a smart phone, a computer or tablet, the internet is a third parent.  AND it’s smarter than the other two parents!  The internet has ALL the answers!!  I cannot count how many times I’ve answered a question with “I don’t know, let’s Google it”  or Huh.. good question..  go look it up online” or my personal parenting fail Are you seriously asking me that WHILE you on on the internet??  LOOK IT UP!!!”.

internet_addicts So, while I spend half my days wondering “Do they even listen to me??”  apparently the answer is YES.  Yes, they listen.  And Yes, they Google.

Now, before I paint my poor child as some sort of deviant sex pervert (that phrase makes me giggle), let me say that he didn’t search for “trashy whores being anally violated” or “how to fit your dick into a pencil sharpener“.  He Googled “boobs“.  And he Googled “clitoris” (Kudos to him, by the way).  That’ what he was looking for.  What he got was a whole different ball of waxed vaginas.

And the clincher is, you can see where he realized he was clearly on the wrong page and tried an alternate link.  The alternate links my friends are where wet-dreams nightmares are made.

I viewed images this weekend that made my eyes burn.  I saw acts and read terms that I didn’t know existed.  And, again, I UNDERSTAND that a peaked sexual interest is normal.  But what my child saw is not  “sex”.  It’s not “intercourse”.  It’s not even “porn”.  It’s something else.  I don’t know the name for it.  Oh, wait, I guess the name is “Internet Porn”, which is a whole different tier of porn.

So, here’s my problem…  Not that he looked for it,  not even that he saw it, my problem is that he (and every other CHILD who Googles “boobs”) is exposed to a sexual slideshow that is so far beyond the realm of  “sex” that when they DO become sexually active, what in the hell are they going to think is the norm?

We grew up with bases.  There were four.  That was it.  Four bases.  One hole.  It was pretty simple.


Now there are LOTS of other areas of play…  LOTS.  And their is no foul line, but there is often someone on deck.


I was horrified years ago when bus-stop blowjobs became the norm and even more so when teenage girls started taking it up the ass so they could stay virgins.  I was horrified, but  thought clearly THOSE girls were just fucked up.

Guess what folks??  THOSE girls probably Googled “how to get a boyfriend” and the first result was a tutorial on how to perform in a donkey show.  It’s craziness.  It’s crazy and disturbing and disheartening.

Will our children have normal fulfilling sex-lives as adults or will these images be burned into their psyches forever?  I think I might STILL be a virgin if I grew up thinking that sex was bondage or that foreplay was shitting into an ice cream cone.  And if EVER someone would have come at me with the John Holmes sized penises that are featured on the web as “erection”, I would have joined the convent immediately.

I’m not judging anyone’s sexual practices or preferences..  Well, I may be judging SOME of them, but that’s not the point.  Shouldn’t a person’s sexual evolution actually EVOLVE?  If anyone, regardless of age, had an expectation that his/her first sexual experiences was going to involve a clown car full of midgets armed with anal plugs and hot wax, they would be wildly disappointed.  Or relieved.  Either way..  it’s not reality.


My son did not get punished.  He did not lose his phone.  He was, however subjected to a sit-down with his father and myself.  A sit-down where we explained that A) his curiosity was normal  B) the images he saw were not sex and C) we pay for that cell phone.

He was gutted.  He was embarrassed.  We told him not to be.  We explained that gone are the days of Victoria Secret catalogs and Playboys.  We explained that we are all in this together and while we wish we could scrub his eyeballs with bleach, he saw what he saw.  And then we spent the rest of the conversation trying to explain in the vaguest of terms why Internet Porn is not sex.

Are we right?  Are we wrong?  I have no idea.  All I know is that if my son or your son or your daughters grow up thinking that what they find on the internet is a true representation of what sex is… we are going to have some FUCKED UP, desensitized adults running this country in a few decades.  Adults who have to fly to Tijuana for a bachelor party instead of visiting their local strip club because it isn’t zoned for  donkeys, chickens and other livestock.

What are your thoughts?  Have you dealt with this yourself?  I’m I too sensitive?  I really don’t think I am…  But am I?  What would you do?  I’m dying to know.

{Oh, and also, I haven’t shared this latest parenting milestone with my parents so, if you know them… keep this shizzle to yourself.. I’m not ready for that conversation}

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Filed under: Dear Diary, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent



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56 Responses to "Dear Teenager, Is that an iPhone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

  1. Traci Amberbride says:

    Dude. You and Seven handled it fuckin’ awesome. Our oldest are the same age, but your son is in a very different place than my daughter (more than just the gender difference I would guess). How awesome for him that his parentals didn’t totally jack his shit, browbeat him, or call him crazy shit. Seriously.

    I haven’t looked up internet porn, but have run across it accidentally at times. You are right – it completely destroys the reality of sex. And even if someone evolves (good choice of words) into more exotic sex play, that isn’t where one usually starts. And, those images are truly destructive to treating people with any respect or consideration.

    And you can’t really bleach your eye-balls, put an ice-pick in your third eye or in your eardrums to erase what you have seen and/or heard.

    Good job, mama!

  2. Sherrie says:

    OMG!!!!!! You are exactly right. My son who is almost 13 is completely girl crazy! Not only that but the girls adore him 3 times as much as he likes girls! We are very open in our home and we often have conversations about sex, feelings, and the such. I think that if parents are open and honest with their kids the kids will grow up relatively well with healthy habits. You are handling this wonderfully. Thanks for putting this out there. On a final note, my son loves watching the discovery channel. He is often up in the middle of the night because of hunger pains(he eats all the time.). He turns on the discovery channel while he eats and ends up watching shows about the body (male and female). It is crazy out there with the information. We have to “be real”. So glad I am not the only parent to deal with these types of situations.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      And I’m so glad that I’M not alone !!

  3. lisa says:

    My college freshman son has been fairly open with me, though it was still a shock to deal with. I basically accepted that while I couldn’t control what he might do with the girls he dated, I could try to teach him how important it was to always respect the girls he was involved with. But this, this makes me so fearful for what my 6th grade, just started middle school today, daughter is going to grow up to deal with. How do you teach girls to demand respect when they’re inevitably going to see this type of thing, when they see performances like Miley’s (or the Blurred Lines video), and see this as the norm? Luckily, she’s got no interest in a boyfriend unless he’s Louis Tomlinson, unlike some of her friends. But as much as she’s been easier to raise than her brother, the future scares me.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      i know. We didn’t even get into the “how to treat a woman” thing.. I guess we should have but I wasn’t even thinking in those terms.. I was just thinking that I wanted a nebulizer from Men in Black and erase his entire memory.

  4. Megan says:

    I just went through this exact experience with my 14 year old son. I was mortified to say the least. I did exactly what you did. I had a long talk with him about his curiosity and his feelings being normal. We also talked about real relationships versus porn relationships, how women should be treated, and what my expectations were for him as it came to sexual behavior. He was also embarrassed and humiliated by his behavior and the fact that we had to have a “talk”.

    The worst part for me was when I told my husband what happened. He acted if it was no big deal and told be “That is what teenage boys do.” I was pissed. I couldn’t believe that my husband was so nonchalant about our son’s behavior. Maybe there is some sort of guy code that I am unaware of when it comes to matters like this. I grew up in a family of all girls so this is my first exposure to the disgusting ways of the teenage boy. I don’t know if I will ever get my point across to my husband but I can guarantee the my son received my message loud and clear.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      My hub had the same initial reaction. But when I made him LOOK, he still had to stifle a chuckle but he did understand that laughing at it at 46 years old is vastly different from trying to LEARN from it at 13.

  5. Ann says:

    Oh holy hell. I feel sick to my stomach. My whole parenting existence has been based on the premise, “do as I say not as I do.” But with this, I almost wish my kids would ONLY do as I did. And not try figure out stuff by themselves. (Well not all things – but some things).
    I guess every generation experiences the same kind of “Back in my day…” revelations. And each new generation seems to push the envelope that much farther. It is my gut feeling that it will all be ok.
    You did the right thing by having a teaching moment and using it as a platform to teach about self respect and love. Good on you for that. Wish all parents of teenagers were like that.

    1. kristen says:

      I don’t agree with your,”do as I say not as I do.” Of course your child is going to do what you do, they want to be like their mom or dad. Children see more then they “hear”… I think that saying is so silly.

  6. Angela says:

    Kudos! I’ve thought the same thing with my 13 yo girl. I think the WRONG thing would be to pretend this crap isn’t out there. We teach them right from wrong on all other aspects in life and the consequences that their choices lead to. Let me clarify, what you or anyone else does in the bedroom isn’t ‘wrong’ if both parties are ok with it – no judging here either. BUT, kids need to know what’s normal and if they get ‘bored’ with the whole normal thing in 20 years, by all means get freaky. But, teaching kids that it’s ok to play with fire when they don’t have the mental capacity to realize it burns and scars is NOT cool.

      1. April says:

        As I read all that, the word’s”Oh shit” went thru my mind at least 50x. I have a 19yr old daughter, we didn’t have this 10 yrs ago… We also have an 11yr old girl, and an 8yr old boy…what’s a mom to do now??? Some kid already told my son about sperm( literally yesterday) at the play ground… I took it better than his dad, no doubt. But whens the good time to get into all that” donkeys, hot wax, and ” safe words” talk …crap.

  7. lisa says:

    I just wanted to say I love when you write! I know you’re busy, but I miss your humor. :-)

  8. Wow I am terrified now. This post is incredibly well-written and well-thought-out though, and I’m gonna share the shit out of it to my peeps. I just love you.

  9. Darcy Perdu says:

    Amen, sister! In the old days, if you looked up “sex” in the Dictionary, you saw a few big words describing intercourse. These days, if you look up “sex” on the internet, you practically catch an STD from your computer screen! I wrote a post about the time my 12-year-old started taking the laptop into the bathroom with him — which turned out to be for a very funny reason — it’s called Hey Why Do You Need a Laptop in THERE? if you ever want to see it. Anyway, sounds like you handled the situation beautifully with a great teaching moment!

  10. C. M. says:

    It has got to the point that I almost think kids will have to see a video of real sex in order to be able to filter out all the non-sex perversion. #snuffisnotporn

  11. Julie W says:

    Unfortunately, we had to deal with this when our two oldest were 7 and 4. They were forced to watch porn and then molested by an older child in the neighborhood. It was gut wrenching at the time, and it still isn’t easy when the subject comes up. But, I’ve always tried to be open and give honest and age-appropriate answers to their questions. We are moving into a whole new realm with some early onset puberty up n here, but my hope is that they will continue to come to me first. Even if they can’t go to dad.

  12. Marie says:

    I have a two-year old boy and I’ve often wondered, “What am I going to do when THAT stage gets here?” This post didn’t necessarily take my fear of that day away, but it certainly gave me a chuckle :) The kudos for googling clitoris had me spitting out my tea!

  13. Shana says:

    I think it is great that you are so open and honest and handled the situation in an amazing way! I am totally a boy mom and handle all things gross and dirty with no problem but I dread the day my boys hit this stage!
    I do suggest searching the apps for his phone though! You get apps for firewalls where you can set restrictions in his phone to block certain web content. Kind of like the same parental controls as a computer! If you get a nice enough one you can even set time limits where if he exceeds a certain amount of online time a day he must come to you to unlock the web!
    Hubby and I have discussed how we will handle technology and the internet with our boys and firewalls will be a definite must with us!
    I totally respect that you have access to your kids phones etc~ Looking back my parents should have done the same and I should have respected those wishes! My boys will have the same rules and we as parents will have unlimited access!

  14. Scarlett says:

    This is absolutely terrifying! I don’t have kids myself yet, but this sort of thing really worries me.. it’s good that you’re so open and honest with your kids so they can at least talk to you about stuff x

  15. Of course, Not My Kid! says:

    My son would be horrified if I gave my real name! BUT we just dealt with this in our home. He googled “boobs” and “Emma Watson’s boobs”. Oh holy hell did he get into some stuff. I thought I would have to wash MY eyes with bleach. I have never been a prude, but I just learned some new stuff at 52! and wondered about a lot of other stuff! I laughed so at your blog especially the kudos for clitoris.. and you are right- thank god I’m not the only one going through this or thinking this. Love your blog.

  16. Andrea says:

    I have a 7yr old son so we aren’t to that yet. But I think you handled that very well!!! Kudos!

  17. So, tell me, Deanna, what were YOUR secret thoughts about Darvin Boothe???

  18. Bobbi says:

    I could have written this post six months ago when my oldest (10 then) came to me and told me about what he had seen on the internet. I told him I was glad he could talk to me about it and that what really bothers me is that what he was looking at was really not sex. I am really afraid that this stuff can make normal sex boring to them before they ever really do it. I think you did a great job, and look forward to anymore words of wisdom on raising boy, and dealing with this type of stuff, because while I’m not a prude, and they can and do talk to me about anything, sometimes I do feel a little lost or outdated.

  19. Mande I Think says:

    Sorry, I am ALWAYS a day late and a dollar (or a hundred dollars) short. But I found your blog after liking your Facebook page and THIS is the first post I read. I nearly pissed myself laughing and my 14 year old daughter and her 15 year old “boyfriend” thought perhaps I had finally lost my marbles (they don’t realize I lost them
    14 years ago and haven’t found them yet)! I HAD to read this to them, because I’m also THAT mom that talks about any and everything and answers any and every question with honesty and DETAILS!! They were mortified, I was in love, with you and in awe of your hilarity!!

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      ha!! I had forgotten about this ! I’m gonna go share it with the newbies ;) Thank you!

  20. Tamara says:

    My daughter is five and my son is three. I worry what they will see even on the television. I’ve caught them trying to use curse words already mainly because they heard it somewhere else or in a song and I do my best to correct them. I pray that my kids aren’t desensitized to that due to such gross and perverse versions of sex.

  21. Lizzy says:

    I am glad u talked to your son in that way, I really wish my parents would have talked to my little brother that way. We know he watches porn but we don’t talk about it. My mom yells at him and punishes him for watching it, like she’ll not talk to him and just stay angry. My dad on the other side ignores it. He thinks he will soon come out of it.But i don’t have the same opinion, being a teenager in our era is horrifying and i can’t come up with a word which better describes it. He talks to me but because of the limitations of being his sister I cannot discuss his problems and answer them in a good way. I live in a country where premarital sex is still a taboo but it doesn’t stop anyone from watching porn. I really agree that its way beyond sex which is really sacred to me. Thank you :)

  22. Well shit…. now I have to get all snoopy in the 13 yo’s computer and iphone…curse you woman. I was all ignorantly blissful over here.

    1. Kelly says:

      Hahahahaha! I always had this lil sense of guilt checking their stuff especially when i didn’t find anything “bad” but once I did I feel nothing! LOL! Always have this thought in the back of my mind that it could be my child that creates a “relationship” with a nasty adult man online and he come convince her to run way with him like you hear on the news, UGH!

  23. Kelly says:

    UGH! Being a mama of 6 (5 daughters and 1 son), I feel your pain! Teens are exposed to sooooo much! This was my awakening, I normally ask my girls to bring me their phones so I could go thru them and see what they are up too and I have not found too many things that concerned me aside for saying I love you to boys that are not their boyfriends, or things like hey sexy ass and a few other choice adult words they would not dare say in front of me but whatever not that big of a deal and so life went on then 1 day I took my 13 year daughters ipod away because she had such a bad attitude towards me and for no other reason than that. I decided to open it up and view a few snapchats she had gotten over the hours I had had it and WOW I have never seen so much teen penis! WTF!? I was floored!! Then the texts that were coming in, YES parents, kids can install an app on ipods and get texts FYI! Again, floored… No words! My child was 13!! Now I am a step ahead of the game, with ALL social media! ALL of it! I am all over their crap and track all their stuff. I gave my daughter back her privileges a few weeks later after hours on end of talk and she knew I was tracking her stuff and STILL pulled that crap AGAIN so she is now a “no phone or FB or internet aside from school work and maybe a little music” having 14 year old and it will stay that way till I feel she can take baby steps towards the proper behavior with those things. WHEW! I love how you say you dont know if you handled it right or not, none of us parents really know. All we can do is what we think is best and hope our child turns out “okay” LOL! Thank you for this! I posted 1 you may interested in reading along these lines, kind of :) Cheers!

  24. amanda says:

    My son is 10. 10!!! And while checking out his phone I came across VIDEOS he had made of himself naked and humping his bed. Holy shit I lost it. In my eyes he’s still my baby. He was in fucking kindergarten 4 short years ago and now, NOW I have to deal with this???? His dad is a fucking pussy and I had to talk to him about it. This whole post is my worst nightmare. How can you have a healthy view on sex when there’s so much nastiness out there?

    1. Tara says:

      Ha! Be thankful it was at 10! Found my step-daughters at home movie a week after she turned 8 cracking Yeats old! And I had just had my son 2 weeks before that…needless to say I lost my shit…repeatedly!!!!
      The worst part? Mother in law told me it was none of my business that she had a mother and father to handle such matters!
      Screw that…my newborn son is sleeping 3feet down the hall while someone else’s child make open in my house!
      Needless to say mother in law is out of the picture, step daughter got a “stern” talking to, and I am still won’t allow her anywhere near my boy during a diaper change and im waiting on the daddy im pregnant phone call…..ugh

  25. What? says:

    I have a foster child and even though I’m a software engineer, I did not even consider “Kiera Knightly’s boobs” when I set off on this adventure. Surprise! This was a challenge for me because the extent of my opinion on NROP is that it’s a lucrative industry which has turned to empowering women rather than the exploitative trap it use to be. Lots of women willfully make lots of money and I can’t see anything wrong with that! Obviously a kid won’t take away any of that when they first see it.

    No punishment was delivered in my home, rather an advanced marketing essay was assigned on how all forms of media will sensationalize real life, and in some cases does not resemble reality, in order to grab your attention (aka take your money), and presented for my approval. Through this exercise I learned that the puberty driven monster has a precocious sense of humor and I won’t have to worry about the the NROP thing interfering with the development of a healthy attitude toward sex with an actual person.


    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      That is actually VERY VERY awesome!

    2. Kelly says:

      Comments need a “like” button for comments such as this! Bravo!!

  26. Lugina says:

    Right ON!!! I also have three boys…19, 13, 6. I’ve had to remove internet access from the 13 year old’s iPod touch. No Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc. He can’t download or update any of the apps without my password. He doesn’t have a smartphone. Computer and Xbox are constantly checked and monitored. It’s all too much! I’m proud to be “the worst mom ever”. :-) I snoop and snoop and snoop. And when I’m done, I snoop some more.

  27. mamaK says:

    I have 4 daughters, 2 older and 2 younger. With the older ones the internet wasn’t as easily accessible for them at the pre-teen, teen years and to be honest we talked about sex, babies (especially since they were quite a bit older than their younger siblings and watched mama as a pregnant woman)and STD’s – but we didn’t talk about what sex should be to a woman. We certainly discussed that it is important and they deserved to be loved and respected and at their young ages (as wells as the boys) they weren’t really at a point where they were ready for the responsibility. I wish I had discussed HOW they were to be loved and respected in regards to sex … I definitely talk more, within age appropriate boundaries, with my younger two. My 3rd has her own tablet that her MS school provides and we have some good blockers on it and she isn’t allowed to use it in a non-communal area. We have talked about what she could accidentally come across and the fact that it isn’t depicting real life. My youngest is a HUGE animal lover and watches a lot of nature programs – this has been a good segue into the *sex* conversation. I can tell you there are some things on the nature sites that make ME want to bleach my eyes, so we watch her viewing just as carefully! — Thank you for posting this … and for letting me talk. I am also new to your FB and really enjoy reading what I have seen.

  28. Michelle says:

    Ok, I so feel like my issues right now are your fault. Let’s be honest, they are. You completely jinxed me with this story and your love of amazon. That’s right, those two things together have caused this. My 11 year old son had my iPad. No biggie, they watch gaming stuff, look at cars in eBay, play games….. Well the next day as normal I got it back from him and turned it on. Clicked on Amazon and Tada!!!!!! It very nicely gives you your recent items viewed. There were boob pics, porn mags, and several things that made me panic. Who looks for this stuff on amazon? But I think I am glad he looked there instead of google.
    Please keep writing like you write and giving me an outlet for blaming my child’s curiosity on. Love love love you!

  29. DaViv says:

    HMM, I really love your stuff. I am what could be called, a progressive mom. I have never denied anything, always answered all questions and always been matter of fact about anything they throw at me. My sons are now 20 and 22 and they are as happy and well-adapted in every aspect of their lives – both hold steady jobs and are in steady relationships with significant others. I must admit, however that, when they expressed curiosity about sex (around 14 or 15) I didn’t direct them to porn on the web, but I answered their questions seriously. When they both got a little older, I bought a box of condoms and had them practice on vegetables and fruit. Of course, they expired before they actually used them and wound up in the trash. Level with your kids and be honest. These days kids are smarter than we were at their age, and know a lot more than we think they know.

  30. kym says:


    You’re doing it right.

  31. CWS says:

    I had a similar experience with my son when he was in middle school – only on the home “family” computer. It got infected with a porn virus that would pop up extremely graphic ads for porn sites. We had the talk with him about how that is not sex in the real world. I saw some things that I wish I could Clorox my eyes from. Explaining those pop-ups to my 7 year old daughter was a whole other fun talk. Finally I paid somebody to come to my house and disinfect the computer and put the right security guards on it. Another fun explanation. That said – both of my kids are into sports. I found this one out the hard way -Dick’s Sporting Goods website is NOT “”.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      lol!!!!! yes. . hotmessmom is NOT!!

  32. Kristina says:

    Oh goodness! Just wanna say, first of all, I thoroughly enjoyed how u “worded” your “situation”! LOL I too, have a middle schooler and a high schooler. Both boys. They both have smart phones and we have a family pc. And I have to say that you’re quite lucky that u were able to find out the way u did. My oldest and his GIRLFRIEND filled me in! Now I’m not saying my baby’s a perfect angel but the things he was searching for had to have been told to him by a school mate because my mind had never fathomed the “situations” he was looking up. Our household is the kind that has absolutely no porn paraphernalia whatsoever, but my husband and i r straight up with our sons about EVERYTHING.And if the opportunity arises, we’re gonna use use it as a teaching opportunity. We have tried our best to teach our sons the same as u have, that what he saw is not what sex is. That it’s the ultimate way to b intimate with the one u love (and hopefully the one they’re married to).

  33. Brittany says:

    I think you handled it great! Want to know what is really sad?? Several months ago my 8-year-old daughter wanted to look up some pictures to print out of Mario and Princess Peach. Yeah…..She googled it and actual PORN came up. She had no idea what she was clicking on. I found it later on and I flipped my shit!! I wasn’t mad at her, I was mad that a kid can’t even google a video game without porn links coming up!! My poor thing is scarred for life!

    1. Destiny Grave says:

      The really sad thing is I think I know exactly what site came up…that speaks more to the fact that I’m a perv when left alone, but, hey I grew up in the I-porn age…

    2. ashleigh f says:

      You and Seven handled it perfectly. I, too, am honest with my two sons…maybe too much sometimes…
      But you are right about internet porn not being real sex. Heck…when I got curious I looked up Playboy and stuff…I thought naked bodies were shocking enough by that age. I cannot imagine watching 15 dudes jizz on 1 chick all at once…especially at that age. Good job!!

  34. Destiny Grave says:

    Yeah, so not looking forward to when my daughter gets older. Thankfully I’m still in the poopie diaper stage. But as someone who grew up (figuratively) on internet porn, it has been a game changer. I would consider my sex-life healthy, but not quite as healthy as it should be. I think as a side-effect of watching internet porn I tend not to want the “normal stuff” and prefer a slightly more jump to it attitude that I-porn tends to promote. Do I think I might’ve been different had I not watched porn? Hell yes. Do I regret watching I-porn? No, it’s made things interesting when I’m alone.

  35. Momma Kat says:

    Feeling your pain! My 10 year old DAUGHTER searched “Boobs” … She wanted to know why some grow faster/bigger then others. The things that appeared were horrific! The first links she found were “cartoon” porn. But not the others. And I saw were she tried to change her search to a more precise question…yep…the sites became worse! Now, mind you, all this was done on her SCHOOL iPad! My Mommy instincts told me something was up when (for no reason except for what I can explain as a hint from above) I decided that I wanted my girls to leave their iPad downstairs that night because I wanted to make sure they got a good nights sleep. My youngest burst out in anger. What?!? My gut told me to look on it. I cried myself to sleep that night!!! The next day my hubby took our other daughter out for some daddy/daughter time and I talked to my baby. I asked her if it was curiosity or questions. She said she wanted to know if she’d have big breasts (like her over endowed mom, me) or little ones? I let the conversation develop into a birds & bees discussion (never understood WHAT they have to do with it) and even went as far as to draw rudimentary stick figures explaining some of the images she saw. Told her the truth about how sickened and sad I was that she had to see some of those images. That we have to guard our eyes against these things, that sex is supposed to be something fun, but intimate, between two people that love each other and are committed to each other. And she asked why some people have sex without being married? EEK!!! Now we had FTP talk about choices, self-control, etc. I loved that she was so mature in her talking with me, but I finally just explained that she is TEN and she has a long time to learn about these subjects, that I DEFINITELY would love to talk about this more whenever she needed to, but that some things are best left at an age appropriate level…and at 45, I was not old enough for some of the things she had seen!!!

  36. Susan says:

    I have a 14 year old and my husband just gave him a small package of condoms. My son told me the other night, “Mom, you know I’m going to have sex right?” I told him I hoped it wouldn’t be right now and he said he would in high school. Oy vey! I need to talk to both of my boys (13 and 14) about internet porn and tell them the same thing you and your husband did. I think you handled it very well.

  37. Rose says:

    I have 2 boys, ages 10 and 13. I first want to say good job!
    Second, I had a similar discussion with my 13 year old when he was 11 a girl was texting him and talking about BJ in the school parking lot. He was in the dark enough to not know what a BJ was, and as you I try to be as open as possible without losing it. He thinks very different of her now. Thanks for the laugh!! :D

  38. Bonee Chestnut says:

    I just stumbled upon this via fb and I decided to read some. Did you seriously step into my life for a moment. This exact thing happened to me. My 13 yr old came to me though and started asking questions which then got my 16 yo involved. We have discussed sex before, but this was 10 times worse. My youngest says well I looked up sex on my ipod. Momma what exactly is fisting and how does a shocker work. After I almost wrecked the car and spit soda all over the windshield, I pulled over. There my children and I sat for 2 hours, for a impromptu q & a. I explained that what you see on the internet is not sex unless you are an acrobat with no gag reflex.(def not right answer but im open and a little blunt.). I told them if they ever tried anything they saw online with a girl, she would probably leave them. We had a few laughs discussed a blue waffle and I think because I didnt get them in trouble or ridicule them we are closer. Im not going to ban them from looking stuff up, but now when they have a question they come to me and say “momma you got a serious minute” that is how I know to swallow whatever is in my mouth to prevent choking and light a cigarette lol.

    keep up this awesomess I love you!!!!!!

  39. Michele Estabrook says:

    Just found your blog. My boys are 28 and 20. You and I would have had coffee together frequently. When I discovered a 16 year old surfing the internet for sexy pictures, I had a talk with him about why I didn’t like it, and that I would rather he didn’t use the same computer his little brother used to look at it. I spent 2 hours cleaning up all the viruses and worms he found on those sites. Then I asked him where he was finding free porn anyway. His response, “Don’t worry, Mom. My friend knows how to find stolen credit card numbers!” Gotta love boys!

  40. Maddi says:

    As a girl the whole porn exposure experience is weird. You are made fun of if you watch it, you are made fun of if you don’t. At least guys are expected to look it up even if they do get made fun of for it because they are going to do it anyway. (My little brother is 11 and I am so scared to look at his phone.)

    I’ve noticed that girls make it into something much more taboo. Girlfriends get mad and take it as an insult if their boyfriend watches porn, especially if sex isn’t part of their relationship. I hate that porn has been established as a standard for sex. No girl really looks like that (Not even the girls in it), no body can do everything people do in porn, and no body can expect that from someone else.

    I understand it is a billion dollar industry and pretty much everyone can say they enjoy porn at least a little. It’s our human nature. What I don’t understand is why people make it seem like sex is really like that. I love when parents talk to their kids about porn instead of punishing the for their curiosity. Kids can realize that sex is not a bad thing, and neither is porn, they just have very very different intentions.


  41. Brandye says:

    This is all so true. We had this same discussion with our 10 year old girl who innocently googled “games for girls” hoping to find Barbie games and such. What she found was girl on girl “games” of a different kind! I wasn’t ready to have this talk, but we had it and now she is much more careful on the computer.

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