Hot Mess Mom » Family, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » Cornholio
Cornholio
So, ya’ll know how we play musical beds in my house? Someone sneaks into bed with Seven and I , then they take over, then Seven leaves and goes to the empty bed, then someone finds him there…and so on and so forth. It’s fine. It’s our life. It’s not an issue for us.
Until the child that sneaks in at 2:30 am smells like an unflushed toilet. Then it is a huge issue.
Number Three came sneaking in last night, got all cuddled up to me and immediately fell back asleep. And then he farted. Or I thought he farted. But the odor lingered longer than it should have. And smelled suprisingly like shit.
I started to sniff him and gagged about half way down. I shook him awake and marched him to the bathroom.
What??
You smell like shit! Take your pants off!
He did. Everything “looked” okay.
Bend over, let me wipe your ass.
He did. And his bunghole was shitcovered.
OH MY GOD! Number Three!! Seriously??? This is disgusting!! You are 7 years old!! You have GOT to wipe your ass better… Oh my GOD!!
What? There was no toilet paper in here!
Are you fricking kidding me?? You KNEW your asshole was dirty??? If you are out of toilet paper, you tell me!!! You do NOT just shrug it off and pull your pants up… OH MY GOD!
I cleaned his ass. Made him take a shower. {note: again… this is 2:30 am} stripped his sheets and sent him back to bed on a bare mattress.
Then I went back to bed and layed awake wondering, once again, how I am raising such pigs. Granted, I am no housekeeper.. my house is dusty, there is laundry everywhere and no one can ever find their shoes. But holy hell… I’ve NEVER taken a shit and not wiped my ass!! I just don’t understand. And note~ I am NOT laughing as I type this. I am cringing and gagging and wallowing in disgust and wondering how I have raised boys that think ass-wiping is optional.
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Filed under: Family, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
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So I obvioulsy HAD to read this post, because it was titled “cornolio”. And I was just laughing out loud! Thank you. And I have decided that we ARE NOT raising pigs….they’re guys. Little guys. And guys are just freakin’ gross. Thanks for the laughs!
Kim
My Twintastic Life
they ARE gross!! SOOOOOO gross!! WHY???
I feel your pain. Boys are gross.
My son refused to be potty trained. At 6 years old he would go hide when he had to poop and just do it in his pants. I don’t know what his issue was. He knew how to use the toilet, he just didn’t want to.
It’s a boy thing. When my oldest son (now almost 18) was 7 or 8 he woke up in the middle of the night and got sick. I don’t mean just a little. He puked his guts out. It was all over this bed and sheets and blankets. He didn’t quite make it to the bathroom so there was a trail from his room to the bathroom and it was all over the bathroom floor. He is where it gets disgusting! In his attempt to be considerate, he didn’t want to wake us. So he simply folded over the blankets to cover up the puke and went back to sleep in his bed. We discovered the mess the next morning when our daughter who was 6 literally stumble into the bathroom and slipped on the puke. Nothing like being jarred awake by the shrieks of a little girl covered in hours old vomit!
I paid HELL to get that smell out of the house the next day, never mind having to clean up two kids now covered in puke. Yea…boys can be disgusting little guys.
oh hell!!!
I am laughing while reading this… LOL Baaaa Haaaa… so sorry, but that is too funny..
shut up karen. it’s NOT funny!
Sent this to my brother (another LBHS grad), who will likely poo his pants reading. I am gasping with laughter, and relating somewhat as my 6yo is still struggling with the wiping bit, and he doesn’t seem to have a problem with dingleberries. Ewwwww!!
This made me pee….AND have tears!!!!!
This. Is. Hilarious. Boys are gross. I am so glad I birthed all girls, however I have inherited one gross boy from my husband. I do his laundry and apparently ass wiping is optional for ALL boys!
OMG – this had me laughing so hard! Ok, to make you feel better….. my 14 ALMOST 15 year old son has a “3 wipe rule” really — 3 wipes and he is done REGARDLESS. Dead serious.