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Hot Mess Mom » Drunk Blogging

Dear Magnum PI. I “mustache” you to never lose the stache.

  Dear Magnum PI, You were pretty hot.  I have to admit.  All stealthy, and smart and out-witting… it was good stuff.   And I really do love a mustache. Then I went to college.  And THERE YOU WERE!!  Boning Monica {which should have been creepy, but was totally awesome instead}…. smoking your cigars, hanging out with her dad……  {k..sorry..back to creepy}…. THEN .. you did other things… And THEN… we got Blue Bloods…  holy Irish Catholic Shitoli…   I LOVE IT!   I love the whole series..  I love every character….( I’m pretty sure I made out with Donny Wahlberg at EPCOT in the 80′s but, whatever.. (no, I’m not kidding..  was he in Menudo or Kids on the Block?  either way.. I’m pretty sure I sucked his face” ..  yup.. just verified that … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Drunk Blogging

I outsmarted myself and I’m paying for it.

  I have no self control.  None.  I do everything in excess.  Always.  It’s not a good trait. I’m trying to be better.  I’m 40 now.  I’m attempting to be a grown-up.  To learn the definition of “moderation”. Had a big girls’ night out last night.  I know the bartender.  I told him before the night began “Hey… make my drinks really weak.  And if I order shots, I can have ONE.  I can’t have more than one, okay?”.   Him:  “Got it”. Such a good, responsible plan.   Until I decided I wanted more shots and made other people order (and pay) for them to bypass my own rule. I suck. And my head hurts. Shitballs.  I’m an asshole.  Damn. … Read entire article »

Filed under: Drunk Blogging, Things that are NOT awesome

WHY must some people be such assholes? Seriously…

  Why Why WHY must some people be such assholes?? If you are on my Facebook page, you have probably seen several posts regarding some “there’s a chance this is vodka” water bottle shipment errors.  I shipped over 2000 bottles in 6 weeks.  My largest shipping days were December 17th & 18th with 250 packages shipped on each day.  (Packages, not bottles…)  It was NUTS!  And, as you know.. it’s only me.     There were a few errors made.. a couple of people recieved an incorrect quantity and one person received the wrong product.  In all of this situations, I corrected the error immediately, sent extra goodies, and in one instance, paid for Next Day Air shipping to GUAM so the bottle would arrive by Christmas to a US Military family. … Read entire article »

Filed under: Drunk Blogging, I may be PMSing..., Things that are NOT awesome

I will NOT cave. And I hate the Joneses

  Every year….every fracking year..   I make my Christmas list (in Excel).  I purchase the desired items.  I color code by child/ order/ and delivery.  I spend too much money.   Every year. My boys are only permitted to ask Santa for 3 things.   When I first met Muffy years ago, before we were friends, she told me that her kids got only 3 gifts each for Christmas.  Our kids were really young..   “Only three??” I asked incredulously.  “Yup.. I tell them If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you”.     I loved that and incorporated it into my “Santa letter” plan. So.. every year, I am methodical about my purchases.  They each have the exact same number of gifts under the tree and, on … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Drunk Blogging, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Uncategorized, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

Slumber Parties– the grown up version

I don’t understand why more grown women don’t have slumber parties.  They are fun.  Less bra-freezing and more martini chilling.  And, after having children, there is no need to put someone’s hand in warm water to make them pee their pants.. it happens naturally. I had a slumber party last night with 3 high school girlfriends.  (yes..  it was a Tuesday night.. don’t be judgy) What do 40 year old women do with/ to each other after 25+ years of friendship? We eat cheese.     We go through the liquor cabinet. We waiver between wine & martinis. We try to contribute corks to the ever growing cork wall. We break out torture devices and remove unsightly hairs from each other’s faces. We laugh at each other’s pain. We drink on the pool table. We smoke on the balcony.     We note that jumping from … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Drunk Blogging, Grown-up time

Mean Halloween

   Last night was our Mean Halloween shindig.  We  had to dress like each other.  It was awesome.  Enjoy the pics ;)     Don’t forget to click that banner!   thanks!! … Read entire article »

Filed under: Drunk Blogging, Food, Grown-up time

i’m giving up on my dream

  My dream is dead.  It’s very sad.  I really really REALLY wanted a pair of red booties for this winter season.  I did.  I do.  I did.  Since I cannot be trusted to shop in person, I only shop online.  Over the past 6 weeks.. SIX WEEKS..  I have ordered, received, and returned 5… FIVE… FIVE pair of red booties.  FIVE!  In six weeks.  All are too high, too narrow, too big, too small, too trashy or too expensive for the quality.  All are wrong.  I took one last chance..  I ordered a 6th pair… I had high hopes.  I was disappointed.  I guess I am not supposed to rock the red booties this year.  What a bummer.  My 2012 winter clodhopper dream is dead.  Damn it.   Okay..  as I’m attaching pictures to … Read entire article »

Filed under: Drunk Blogging, Ramblings

One of my stranger text conversations. aka: Do you label(l) underwear for camp?

Possibly one of the wierdest text conversations I’ve eve had..  And I’ve had some bizarre ones… I still don’t understand the whole “no name in the underwear” rule…  thoughts? … Read entire article »

Filed under: Drunk Blogging, Grown-up time, Ramblings

Seven & One are soo in love.

so, Seven is not home too often.   Seven and One are in love.   It’s Saturday night.   Two and Three and having sleepovers.  Seven, One and I are home.   ONE:  Mom, Can i please sleep with Dad? SEVEN:  Yeah?  Can he??  Oh, nevermind.. SHE”S home….. ME:   OMG.. I’m right here.. SEVEN:  Sorry Honey. ONE:  We’re sorry THAT YOU”RE HOME ME:  you are both assholes..  and I will totally sleep in Number Three’s bed, but I need you to acknowledge that I am awesome. ONE:  you’re awesome.  dont’ come bother us.. we are sleeping in. SEVEN:   yeah..   What he said….  AND I’ m taking my Hot &Messy wine glass to bed….   … Read entire article »

Filed under: Drunk Blogging, Uncategorized

wrapping gifts is fun

Today.. one of my favorite Christmas traditions..    For the 5th or 6th year .. my wonderful awesome super-cool friend and I had our “wrapping day”   Just so you know..   a wrapping day in my world goes a litle something like this: Is the champagne chilled?    yes. Is the food out? yes. Do you think 3 bottles is enough? if not, we can send the college son to get us more. “pop!” shit.  where’s the tape? I don’t have the tape.  YOU had the tape. We need more tape.   College son..  please go buy more tape. why can’t i find my scissors? cuz they are under your tissue paper. oh.  there they are! ‘pop!’ this champagnes is too sweet.    Do you want more pizza? I’m having beer now.  Shit.   I need to pick up the kids in 30 minutes.  that sucks “ring ring”..  hello friend..  can you pls pick up … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Drunk Blogging, Grown-up time