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Hot Mess Mom » Things that are NOT awesome

WHY must some people be such assholes? Seriously…

  Why Why WHY must some people be such assholes?? If you are on my Facebook page, you have probably seen several posts regarding some “there’s a chance this is vodka” water bottle shipment errors.  I shipped over 2000 bottles in 6 weeks.  My largest shipping days were December 17th & 18th with 250 packages shipped on each day.  (Packages, not bottles…)  It was NUTS!  And, as you know.. it’s only me.     There were a few errors made.. a couple of people recieved an incorrect quantity and one person received the wrong product.  In all of this situations, I corrected the error immediately, sent extra goodies, and in one instance, paid for Next Day Air shipping to GUAM so the bottle would arrive by Christmas to a US Military family. … Read entire article »

Filed under: Drunk Blogging, I may be PMSing..., Things that are NOT awesome

I will NOT cave. And I hate the Joneses

  Every year….every fracking year..   I make my Christmas list (in Excel).  I purchase the desired items.  I color code by child/ order/ and delivery.  I spend too much money.   Every year. My boys are only permitted to ask Santa for 3 things.   When I first met Muffy years ago, before we were friends, she told me that her kids got only 3 gifts each for Christmas.  Our kids were really young..   “Only three??” I asked incredulously.  “Yup.. I tell them If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you”.     I loved that and incorporated it into my “Santa letter” plan. So.. every year, I am methodical about my purchases.  They each have the exact same number of gifts under the tree and, on … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Drunk Blogging, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Uncategorized, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

oh dear god… seriously?

  Gave each of the boys a list last of things to  pack for this weekend.   They are spending one night with my parents and another with friends.   The list did not include toiletries.. I packed those separately. All 3 lists were exactly the same.  I’m getting ready to leave my house and am putting all 3 bags by the front door so my mom can grab them later.   Number Two’s bag feels exceptionally light.   I unpack it. To be clear, that is a black t-shirt (men’s…  not his), a suit jacket, 2 pair of basketball shorts, 4 pair of underwear and 2 single, unmatched socks.   That is his attire for the weekend. I’m repacking his bag with only those items.  I’m packing him a second bag with actual … Read entire article »

Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

Sooo.. I’m really mad at Amazon

  I’m a bit calmer now than I was an hour ago when I updated my Facebook status to THIS.  Calmer, but not happy.  Ya’ll know I do 100% of my shopping online.  90% of it is from Amazon.  EVERYTHING!  Gluten-free snacks, clothes, deodorant, toys, games, accessories.. I shop with my thumbs.  Amazon and I have been in a long-term, committed relationship for years. And now I want to break up.  I WON’T, but I want to.  In a few days I will cool down, log on to Amazon and let my fingers do the talking once again. Our relationship will progress as if nothing ever happened.  But I’m a woman.  While I may forgive.. I will never forget. I will not forget that Amazon may have single-handedly ruined Santa for my kids … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Things that are NOT awesome

Discussing your kids on Facebook- the good, the bad, & the ugly

  I have a blog.  Officially, I have a “Mommy blog”.  Clearly, I talk about my children.  I talked about my children before I had a blog.  I shared stories with friends on the phone, in person, via email, and eventually on Facebook. Our Facebook pages are an extension of our person.  It’s the new millenium’s version of the diary we let our girlfriends read.  If something is private, you don’t put it on Facebook.  All else is fair game– fodder to be shared with the masses. I enjoy the fodder.  I enjoy Facebook.  I like “knowing” what is going on in peoples lives without all that pesky personal contact.  I like to see pictures of my friend’s children as they grow.  I enjoy watching family vacations unfold.  It’s fun to see statuses … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome

I wish I was TRULY anonymous

  You know I don’t show faces on HMM.  I don’t use names.  I’m anonymous.  Except I’m not.  My friends know who I am.  My neighbors know who I am.  The parents at the school, my family, my in laws… they all know who I am.    And THAT, my friends.. pretty much sucks.  When I began HMM, I had no idea what it was going to be.  No clue what I’d write about.  Not in my wildest dreams did I expect it to be read internationally and have the best and most loyal readership in all of blogdom.    When I started, I asked my personal FB friends to read, comment and share the blog.   I don’t know if I could have done it any differently.  I don’t know how else the word … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Ramblings, Things that are NOT awesome

Serenity NOW!

  Lord have mercy.  Truly. I am blessed beyond measure.  I am.  I have been blessed in ways unfathomable to me.  I have.  I am grateful.  I am thankful.  I have much to be thankful for.  That all being said… I am seriously struggling with my children’s inability and/or blatant disinterest in schooling and schoolwork.  It’s killing me.  Poor Number Two struggles so much and I swear, the more help he receives, the worse he gets.  Now, in addition to not reading, he is not doing well in math.  He was a math savant until this year, and now cannot round numbers or do multiplication.  Number One…who I had such high hopes for in middle school…has slowly but surely slid back into his old ways and recieved 9 F’s on assignments in the past 2 … Read entire article »

Filed under: Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

25 things I would rather do than hear/see one more minute of Lindsay Lohan

  be anally violated by a walrus lick my dog’s asshole have another baby get lice get CRAB lice eat gum from under a table lick the floor of the subway be run over by the subway have a period that lasts a year gain 70 pounds clean the boys’ bathroom be a sister wife watch Toddlers & Tiaras pet a rat.  (with my vagina). lay on top of a motel bedspread wear skinny jeans watch reality television have lunch with Mariah Carey live in a trailer park have inflatable Christmas decorations in my yard have a colostomy bag drink from a colostomy bag have sex with Justin Bieber work out Be haunted by Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson; be forever sprayed with White Diamonds and serenaded with ‘The Girl is Mine’, all the while being ass raped by Richard Burton & Eddie Fisher.   PLEASE.. someone…  get her OFF of my televison.  PLEASE.   {oh, and click … Read entire article »

Filed under: Grown-up time, Things that are NOT awesome

Number One and the case of the missing homework.

  Less than 48 hours ago, I wrote about Number Two, his learning disability, his hard work, and the encouragement of his new teacher. I have three boys.  They are all very different.  Today…{sigh}… I write about Number One, his ridiculously high intelligence, his total, complete and utter laziness, and how crazy he is going to make his new teachers. Number One is in 6th grade– middle school.  He is in advanced/honors classes in every subject.   He regularly received C’s in elementary school.  He doesn’t complete many assignments and half-asses the ones he does.  He is brilliant.  He is lazy.  He is disinterested.  He is me. He is ME.  To the core of his being, he is ME.  We butt heads constantly.  We yell at each other.  I HATE his laziness and lack of motivation.  … Read entire article »

Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

My Franken-foot…

My Franken-foot…

 This post was written last year (9/17/11)..  I am updating it a tad..  Celebrating 3 years bionic 🙂 On September 17, 2009  I shattered my ankle at an 80’s party while dancing with Mr. T and doing shots with PeeWee Herman. It SUCKED.  Like really really sucked.  Post surgery, I was bedridden for 4 weeks, then in a wheelchair for several months,  then crutches, then a cane, and almost a full year of Physical Therapy.   I had … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Things that are NOT awesome, Uncategorized