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Hot Mess Mom » Things that are NOT awesome

Life has gotten in the way, and I’m sorry.

  Where to begin, where to begin??? First of all, you guys must hate me.  Or, if you already hated me, then you probably love me ‘cuz I am NOT writing.   Remember when I used to pride myself on the fact that I was a blogger who actually BLOGGED?  Hot Mess Mom was more than just a Facebook page.  It’s not anymore.  Not really.  And I hate that. I have legitimate excuses to explain my lack of quality time with my laptop.  I do.  Flood in the house.  2 months of living in a gutted house and through a semi-renovation.  No internet during a portion of that time.  End of school responsibilities.  Vacation.  Doctors appointments. Life. Life has gotten in the way.  And it sucks.  (Not my life, my life is awesome.. but … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Ramblings, Things that are NOT awesome

Tilers and plumbers and floorers…Oh my! (alternate title: My stupid day)

  If you don’t follow me on Facebook, then you are probably wondering why I haven’t posted in so long.  If you do follow you, you have no questions. Apparently, we had some “water damage” and my entire house is gutted.  No floors, no furniture, huge drying fans,etc.  It’s been almost 3 weeks.  Floor is still wet.  It’s not a super situation. I’m lucky to be dealing with a great group of contractors/ sub contractors/ laborers.  They probably don’t consider themselves quite as lucky to be dealing with me. Anyhoo, I can’t even get into the specifics.. just know that my house is a complete and total clusterfuck and for every one issue we know about, we find another that was hidden. Today, someone is here demolishing my shower.  Now 5 of us have to … Read entire article »

Filed under: Ramblings, Things that are NOT awesome

I think “life lesson”, my boys think “homeless man’s toilet water”

Soooo… I’m driving home with my boys tonight and an old Cheryl Crow song comes on..  I, like always, .. give them a little background of the artist and why I love them… Me: And also.. when I was bar-tending downtown, there was this homeless man whom I loved.  He was batshit crazy.. Like, really crazy.  But I loved him.  Sometimes when you work in a city, you either take the same train, same subway or walk the same streets.. and you see the same homeless people day after day.. you can ignore them or talk to them.  I ignored some, and talked to some..  This man.. he called himself  Dr. John..   I talked to all of the time.  I gave him money, I bought him food, I bought him drinks, … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

Zits. HMM style

The 2 Carat Princess had quite a blemish going on this week. I was fairly unforgiving about it. I had to explain to everyone that I was not being mean… well, not really mean.. I kept telling her that I thought a spider had laid eggs in her face and when she popped that bad boy, hundreds of baby spiders were going to spill out. As Karma generally does… I (who almost never get zits) got 2 the next day. One was little. One was not. I went to my parents tonight for dinner. (Let’s keep in mind that I am 40 years old) My Mom: What’s on your face?? Me: It’s a zit, Mom. My Mom: Oh my God.. then yells to my sister Go get an extra chair! D brought a friend to dinner… And … Read entire article »

Filed under: Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome

I came home with crabs.

  Had lunch today with 2 guys I’ve been friends with since high school.  With 3 families, 3 jobs, and 3 drinking habits, we don’t see each other as much as we’d like.  Our lunch convo went a little something like this. Me:  I’ll have another glass of wine please Guy1: I can’t have a drink.  I have a way important meeting. Guy2:  same here Me:  Whatever.. that sounds like poor planning to me.  I’m not afraid to drink alone. Guy1: Uh.. yeah. cuz we were supposed to have lunch TOMORROW which worked for everyone until you changed it. Me:  Listen… my roots are grey and my hair girl could get me in at noon tomorrow.  So suck it. Guy2:  Really?  Your conflict was a hair appointment?? Me:  Dude.. can you see me?  I’m 40 years old and I’m … Read entire article »

Filed under: Grown-up time, Things that are NOT awesome

I had a slow leak (not a metaphor) and now I need a wife.

  We had a leak in our kitchen.  It was apparently  a “slow leak” which is the poison apple of all leaks…  causes damage before you even know it’s there.  My kitchen floors are now buckled.  I filed an insurance claim and it was all pretty painless.  The kitchen floors were old and I’m not attached. Except for the damage is not just in my kitchen.  It’s in my office.  And playroom.  And the floors I have throughout the rest of the house will now have to be replaced.  I LOVE my floors.  LOVE THEM.  Took me months to find them, had to have them special ordered and spent a fuckton of money on them.  And 6 years later, I still love them.. scratches and all. And now I have to pick new … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Grown-up time, Things that are NOT awesome

March- in an eggshell

  March has been a big month.  I’ve travel, eaten and drank through New Orleans, Savannah and Saint Simons.  We’ve had family birthdays, school events and Spring Break.  I’ve spent a shitton of money and gained a shitton of weight.   I’ll be posting “March- A pictorial” soon. Today is Easter.  The last day of the month.  The holiest day of the year. Whilst at Sunrise service this morning, I was seated next to an elderly gentleman who required assistance getting up and down from his chair during the mass.  At one point, when I bent down to help him, my button on my pants popped.  And flew out to the chair in front of me. So, while I am feeling blessed and at peace and happy that this month is nearly over so … Read entire article »

Filed under: Family, Things that are NOT awesome

I came home to a vulture on my porch. Not a metaphor.

  I cannot count the posts I have written about BEARS, SNAKES, GATORS and other wildlife that has found it’s way into my house, yard, garage, pool.  We have even had two separate instances where a bird has gotten in the house. I would take ALL OF THOSE COMBINED.. . including the damned water moccasins…  over what happened here tonight. Came home from a lovely family dinner to find the dog going ape shit.  I thought there was a bear on my back porch.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  It was a nasty-ass turkey buzzard and it wouldn’t leave. I opened the patio doors, I turned on the lights.  I calmly walked around the pool holding the 15 foot pool brush in front of me to lead the nasty little fuck to freedom.   He … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Family, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

Today, a bear broke into my garage and I started juicing. One of those things made me shit myself.

  As I’ve mentioned before, we are regularly visited by wildlife at our home.  Deer, bear, wild turkeys, otters, and gators use our backyard as a cut-through to the State Park behind us.  It’s only problematic on trash day.  We can’t leave out trash out the night before or the bears have a block party, so we get up super early and tote the trash to the curb, then climb back in bed. Today, as sometimes happens, the bears were waiting.  In the hour between taking the trash out and leaving the house, they went through the trash, entered my garage, tried to open the garage fridge and left with Number One’s lunch box (which we recovered from under the trampoline this afternoon). Maybe they smelled the veggies.  Have you ever juiced?  I … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Things that are NOT awesome

I outsmarted myself and I’m paying for it.

  I have no self control.  None.  I do everything in excess.  Always.  It’s not a good trait. I’m trying to be better.  I’m 40 now.  I’m attempting to be a grown-up.  To learn the definition of “moderation”. Had a big girls’ night out last night.  I know the bartender.  I told him before the night began “Hey… make my drinks really weak.  And if I order shots, I can have ONE.  I can’t have more than one, okay?”.   Him:  “Got it”. Such a good, responsible plan.   Until I decided I wanted more shots and made other people order (and pay) for them to bypass my own rule. I suck. And my head hurts. Shitballs.  I’m an asshole.  Damn. … Read entire article »

Filed under: Drunk Blogging, Things that are NOT awesome