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Hot Mess Mom » Stellar Parenting Advice

There’s a hole in my bucket list.

  Last night, the boys and I were hanging on the couch, watching Duck Dynasty, when out of nowhere Number Two (10) asks “Mom, what’s on your bucket list?” Of course I giggled and asked what he knows of bucket lists.  Surprisingly he knew exactly what a bucket list was and insisted that we discuss mine. Hmmm.. Let me think…  {silence} Mom! There have to be things you want to do! But I DO stuff!! When I want to do something, I DO it!  I mean, there are places I want to go.. LOTS of places I want to travel to… but nothing that I absolutely have to do before I die. Mom.. Seriously? Dude..  I’ve jumped out of an airplane.  I’ve worked on a commercial fishing boat in Alaska.  I’ve hiked a glacier.  I’ve been to … Read entire article »

Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice

I think “life lesson”, my boys think “homeless man’s toilet water”

Soooo… I’m driving home with my boys tonight and an old Cheryl Crow song comes on..  I, like always, .. give them a little background of the artist and why I love them… Me: And also.. when I was bar-tending downtown, there was this homeless man whom I loved.  He was batshit crazy.. Like, really crazy.  But I loved him.  Sometimes when you work in a city, you either take the same train, same subway or walk the same streets.. and you see the same homeless people day after day.. you can ignore them or talk to them.  I ignored some, and talked to some..  This man.. he called himself  Dr. John..   I talked to all of the time.  I gave him money, I bought him food, I bought him drinks, … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

Zits. HMM style

The 2 Carat Princess had quite a blemish going on this week. I was fairly unforgiving about it. I had to explain to everyone that I was not being mean… well, not really mean.. I kept telling her that I thought a spider had laid eggs in her face and when she popped that bad boy, hundreds of baby spiders were going to spill out. As Karma generally does… I (who almost never get zits) got 2 the next day. One was little. One was not. I went to my parents tonight for dinner. (Let’s keep in mind that I am 40 years old) My Mom: What’s on your face?? Me: It’s a zit, Mom. My Mom: Oh my God.. then yells to my sister Go get an extra chair! D brought a friend to dinner… And … Read entire article »

Filed under: Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome

I will NOT cave. And I hate the Joneses

  Every year….every fracking year..   I make my Christmas list (in Excel).  I purchase the desired items.  I color code by child/ order/ and delivery.  I spend too much money.   Every year. My boys are only permitted to ask Santa for 3 things.   When I first met Muffy years ago, before we were friends, she told me that her kids got only 3 gifts each for Christmas.  Our kids were really young..   “Only three??” I asked incredulously.  “Yup.. I tell them If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you”.     I loved that and incorporated it into my “Santa letter” plan. So.. every year, I am methodical about my purchases.  They each have the exact same number of gifts under the tree and, on … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Drunk Blogging, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Uncategorized, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

oh dear god… seriously?

  Gave each of the boys a list last of things to  pack for this weekend.   They are spending one night with my parents and another with friends.   The list did not include toiletries.. I packed those separately. All 3 lists were exactly the same.  I’m getting ready to leave my house and am putting all 3 bags by the front door so my mom can grab them later.   Number Two’s bag feels exceptionally light.   I unpack it. To be clear, that is a black t-shirt (men’s…  not his), a suit jacket, 2 pair of basketball shorts, 4 pair of underwear and 2 single, unmatched socks.   That is his attire for the weekend. I’m repacking his bag with only those items.  I’m packing him a second bag with actual … Read entire article »

Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

Discussing your kids on Facebook- the good, the bad, & the ugly

  I have a blog.  Officially, I have a “Mommy blog”.  Clearly, I talk about my children.  I talked about my children before I had a blog.  I shared stories with friends on the phone, in person, via email, and eventually on Facebook. Our Facebook pages are an extension of our person.  It’s the new millenium’s version of the diary we let our girlfriends read.  If something is private, you don’t put it on Facebook.  All else is fair game– fodder to be shared with the masses. I enjoy the fodder.  I enjoy Facebook.  I like “knowing” what is going on in peoples lives without all that pesky personal contact.  I like to see pictures of my friend’s children as they grow.  I enjoy watching family vacations unfold.  It’s fun to see statuses … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome

Halloween~ it’s my favorite

Halloween~ it’s my favorite

  I love Halloween.  LOVE LOVE LOVE Halloween.  I love the decorations, I love the candy, I love the weather.  I LOVE HALLOWEEN.  My kids also love Halloween, as all kids do.  Of course, they love the candy but I don’t let them keep much of it.  If it’s in the house, I’m the one who eats it, not them, marking the beginning of my annual 10 pound winter weight gain.  Generally they get to pick 20-25 pieces to … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Family, Grown-up time, Stellar Parenting Advice

Shotguns for Christmas. Or maybe a unicorn.

  Number Three:   Mom, for Christmas, I’m going to ask for my own laptop, my own iPad, some video games and a new puppy.  Number Two:  Yeah, and I’m gonna ask for all of that too, but I’m also going to ask for three-hundred dollars. Number Three:  Number Two!!  You can’t ask for three-hundred dollars!  That will be too much! Me:  Are you two high? Them:  What??  We can ask for those things. Me:  Sure you can.  While you are at it, you should also ask for a car.  And a shotgun.  With bullets!  Lots and lots of bullets! Number Two:  Why do you want us to ask for a shotgun?  Me:  Because while you are asking for things that you will NEVER EVER get, you may as well cover them all. Number Three:   Number Two, remember when you asked … Read entire article »

Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

I’m gonna need to change my name

    Conversation with Number Three TWO SECONDS AGO:  Mom, what does AANOAW spell? What? What does AANOAW spell? That’s not a word. Yes-huh!!  Look!!                  What?? I have no idea what that says..  Where are your spelling words??                     Uh.. okay.. so it says to write the words and circle the OA and the OW in each word.   You see!!  You see how messy your handwriting is!!  You couldn’t even read YOUR OWN handwriting!! And you know why??  Because it is messy!!! Really Mom?  You’re name is HOT MESS..  You practically have “messy” in your name.   {and yes…he used finger quotes} {and then I quit parenting and grabbed the laptop} … Read entire article »

Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

the creator of the school lunches does not have children. {according to Number Two}

  I pack my kids healthy well-balanced lunches every day consisting of fruit, veggies, juice, cheese, nuts and a protein.   I’m an incredibly responsible and health conscious parent.   Unless I’m tired.  Or lazy.  Or forgot to go to store.  Or stayed up too late.   Then they buy lunch.  Which basically means that my kids buy lunch 80% of the time.   (Okay.. 90%). My boys have the tendency to obsess over stuff.  { I have no idea where they got that trait..  weird}.    Monday is pizza day– everyone loves pizza day.  Tuesday is nacho day.    This is our conversation EVERY Tuesday afternoon and it repeats en total throughout Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning only ending at school drop-off. Hey Number Two!  How was your day?  Fine. Best thing that happened?  I got an A on a test, we … Read entire article »

Filed under: Family, Food, Stellar Parenting Advice, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent