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Hot Mess Mom » Ramblings

Zits. HMM style

The 2 Carat Princess had quite a blemish going on this week. I was fairly unforgiving about it. I had to explain to everyone that I was not being mean… well, not really mean.. I kept telling her that I thought a spider had laid eggs in her face and when she popped that bad boy, hundreds of baby spiders were going to spill out. As Karma generally does… I (who almost never get zits) got 2 the next day. One was little. One was not. I went to my parents tonight for dinner. (Let’s keep in mind that I am 40 years old) My Mom: What’s on your face?? Me: It’s a zit, Mom. My Mom: Oh my God.. then yells to my sister Go get an extra chair! D brought a friend to dinner… And … Read entire article »

Filed under: Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome

10 things my masseuse says to me that make me think I may be at the wrong “massage parlor”

  I have some back issues.  Well, I have lots of issues, but in addition to the ones you already know about, I have some serious back and neck problems.  I get massages regularly.  Before you get jealous… my massages aren’t the “oohhhh, aahhhh…  wake me up when it’s over” type..   They are of the “this is gonna leave a mark” and “I hope I don’t cry today” variety. My current masseuse is a phenom.  Truly.  She’s strong as a damn ox.  I’ve been going to her for a while now.  She’s extremely professional but now that she is very familiar with all of my problem areas, and I mean ALL….. we exchange a little more dialogue. Here’s a sampling. lay down face first oh my God.. I can’t believe how tight you are. I … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Ramblings

Recap of the past 10 days..

  The past few weeks have been a jumbled whirlwind of prom dresses, tumblers, witches and wizards, kleenex, concerts, sick kids, and Nyquil. Let me ‘splain….  No, it’s too much…  Let me sum up:  {name that movie!} Ladie’s 80’s night Prom Edition.  Party Bus to dinner and then 80’s night.  14 “40-ish”  year-olds in our best prom attire complete with anklets, panty hose, and open toed shoes.   Another event to drive home the point that I really should not be allowed at the same parties as the mayor.  Or his people.  Or other people of influence. Ever.  I began yet another round of debilitating insomnia resulting in getting a weeks worth of orders done in 3 nights.   (several of those orders being incorrect.. cuz that’s what happens when you work a 700 … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Dear Diary, Ramblings

I want to DO, not HAVE

  Admittedly, I am a travel whore.   But really, I think I am an ‘experience’ whore.  I want to DO something all of the time!   This does not mean that I don’t spend days (lots and lots of days) in my pajamas, sipping on coffee, folding laundry and catching up on the DVR.   What it means is I’m always looking for something fun.  An adventure.   Why go to the Olive Garden for lunch when you can go a tiny Italian bistro that serves wine in glass jars and has tea lights lit in the daytime? Why spend an afternoon at the park without a blanket, a platter, tons of munchies and a bottle of wine?     I live with a football, a blanket and a cooler in the back of my car.  At … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Featured, Ramblings

“Your vagina is on my hand” (and other tales from the hair salon)

  Love Love Love getting my hair did.  Love my stylist.  Love my color.  Love the wine. And then, there are the people. A trip to the salon is always a study in sociology.   I spend half of my appointment texting my stylist observations and judgements that cannot be said aloud.  (This may be why my appointments are four hours). The sylists themselves are a special breed.  There’s The Vampiress, The Biker,  Agidor Sparticus, The Girl Next Door,  McBoobsAlot, and the Plastic Cougar, just to name a few.   It’s a motley crew.  But the staff is NOTHING compared to the patrons. There’s always some girl with 80’s hair coming to get a $75 haircut from a guy with a mullet.  Or the ones with the bleach blond fried and frizzy perms asking for … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Ramblings

I will NOT cave. And I hate the Joneses

  Every year….every fracking year..   I make my Christmas list (in Excel).  I purchase the desired items.  I color code by child/ order/ and delivery.  I spend too much money.   Every year. My boys are only permitted to ask Santa for 3 things.   When I first met Muffy years ago, before we were friends, she told me that her kids got only 3 gifts each for Christmas.  Our kids were really young..   “Only three??” I asked incredulously.  “Yup.. I tell them If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you”.     I loved that and incorporated it into my “Santa letter” plan. So.. every year, I am methodical about my purchases.  They each have the exact same number of gifts under the tree and, on … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Drunk Blogging, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Uncategorized, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

I totally made today my bitch.

    I’m uploading Thanksgiving pics, but while I’m waiting, I just have to tell you all how much I made today my bitch!   A)     Shipped the 188 HMM packages that I packaged yesterday.   B)      Shipped another 10 International packages at the Post Office.   C)      Purchased stamps & mailed Christmas cards! (’s November 26th )   D)     Went with Muffy & 2-Carat Princess to the fancy mall to search for that jacket that has eluded me. E)       FOUND the jacket!   F)      BOUGHT the jacket! G)     Rubbed and kissed the jacket. H)     Had a yummy lunch. I)        Bought a slate cheese platter that I’ve been coveting from Crate & Barrel.  It will go under the tree for moi. J)       Everything I tried on fit.  I cannot express the sheer bliss that comes with that! K)      Decided that buying … Read entire article »

Filed under: Ramblings

I’m gonna need a bigger boat. or a better lawyer.

I’m gonna need a bigger boat.  or a better lawyer.

  {sigh} I am so lucky.  I am so blessed.  Really.  The level of success that Hot Mess Mom has achieved in 14 months is amazing.  I am so happy. I am also so busy– like, full-time job busy..   I’m sure you’ve noticed that my writing has slowed.  I’m down to a few posts per week where I have always had 4-7 weekly posts.   Is my life suddenly boring and calm and normal so I’m lacking … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Ramblings

Discussing your kids on Facebook- the good, the bad, & the ugly

  I have a blog.  Officially, I have a “Mommy blog”.  Clearly, I talk about my children.  I talked about my children before I had a blog.  I shared stories with friends on the phone, in person, via email, and eventually on Facebook. Our Facebook pages are an extension of our person.  It’s the new millenium’s version of the diary we let our girlfriends read.  If something is private, you don’t put it on Facebook.  All else is fair game– fodder to be shared with the masses. I enjoy the fodder.  I enjoy Facebook.  I like “knowing” what is going on in peoples lives without all that pesky personal contact.  I like to see pictures of my friend’s children as they grow.  I enjoy watching family vacations unfold.  It’s fun to see statuses … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Ramblings, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome

Why I make Christmas my bitch

  I am a sucker for the holidays..  Actually, if you read this blog, you know I am a sucker for any holiday… St. Patrick’s Day, July 4th, Labor Day..  Any excuse for a party.. I’m in!  But this season… from early October when I decorate from Halloween through New Years…  THIS season, I love.  I love the decorations, I love the music, I love the feeling.   I’m not as nutty about Thanksgiving themes and decor but it still one of my favorite holidays as we spend it in New Orleans with my enormous family… {our Thanksgiving dinner is 109+ people of immediate family… more if the youngsters bring dates} You know how people get so pissed when the stores put out Christmas decorations at the same time as Halloween?  I don’t.  … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Ramblings