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Why being a bad “parent” makes me a good “mom”

  Admittedly, I’m never going to be in the running for Parent of the Year.  Never, ever, EVER going to happen.  Ever.  {ever} Sometimes my house is a mess.  Sometimes I forget to pay the bills and services get disconnected. Sometimes my kids come home from school to a messy house without power.  Or cable.  Or without power AND cable. Sometimes, when my kids beg to sleep in or play hooky, I let them. Sometimes I feed them bushels of fruits and veggies. Sometimes I feed them processed foods. Sometimes I even feed them GMO’s. Sometimes I don’t register them for sports in time and they don’t get on the “right” team. Sometimes I don’t register them for sports at all because the game/ practice schedules are conflicting with our vacation plans. Sometimes I wake up early and make … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Featured, Ramblings, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

I want to DO, not HAVE

  Admittedly, I am a travel whore.   But really, I think I am an ‘experience’ whore.  I want to DO something all of the time!   This does not mean that I don’t spend days (lots and lots of days) in my pajamas, sipping on coffee, folding laundry and catching up on the DVR.   What it means is I’m always looking for something fun.  An adventure.   Why go to the Olive Garden for lunch when you can go a tiny Italian bistro that serves wine in glass jars and has tea lights lit in the daytime? Why spend an afternoon at the park without a blanket, a platter, tons of munchies and a bottle of wine?     I live with a football, a blanket and a cooler in the back of my car.  At … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Featured, Ramblings

I’m a narcissistic cryer. And it’s all your fault.

  So…  to be a blogger.. you really need to be kind of a narcissist.  Why else would you think that people in the cyber world would be interested in anything you have to say??   Us bloggers… we are a self-absorbed bunch.   We may not want to admit it.. but again… come on…   I honestly think that there are people out there who WANT and NEED to know when I put expired things in my vagina, yell at my children or have an exceptionally good meal.   NARCISSIST. That being said….  although I’ll admit to being a self-absorbed douche-canoe….  it’s still sometimes very hard for me to take a compliment.  Nice words make me uncomfortable.  I’d rather you say  “Right-On you dumb whore!” than to tell me that I have influenced of affected your … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Dear Diary, Featured, Million MILF March, Ramblings

I’m just trying to find my way.

I’m feeling kind of funky.  Not “James Brown” funky..  Like “in a funk” funky.    Let me tell you why.. I started Hot Mess Mom in September 2011~~ 6 months ago.   6 months ago TODAY actually.    I didn’t know what I wanted it to be.  I had no expectations.   I just wanted to write and share my ridiculous life and hopefully give out some giggles. When my Facebook likes were over 50, I couldn’t believe it.   When my site visits were over a few hundred, I was shocked.   And when 5 weeks after the blog started, I was hired as a guest speaker, I had to pinch myself. Prior to the blog, I was a big Facebooker.  I updated my status an absurd amount.   I barely log on to my personal Facebook anymore, but have … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Featured, Ramblings

No. I don’t want an f*ing squirrel. ™

  Sometimes the ridiculousness that is my life is just too much. Just got a phone call from a good friend. Me:   Hey!  I was just thinking about you!  Happy New Year!! Him:  Did you tell me that you wanted a squirrel? Me:  what? Him:  A squirrel..   Do you want a squirrel? Me:  Fuck you.  No.  Why would I want a squirrel? Him:  I thought we talked about it at Christmas.. you wanted a squirrel for the kids. Me:  You are high.  Him:  Maybe it was someone else. Me:  You had a discussion with someone who wanted a squirrel???? Him:  I think so. Me:   And you thought it was ME?   Have you met me?   What the fuck? Him:   Well, I’ve had one in my attic and I just caught it.   So it’s in a cage.   You could give it to the boys. Me:  Wait….  so … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Featured, Ramblings, Things that are NOT awesome

Superwoman I am not

  You know that gene that people have that makes them “run through the cramp”?   You know…  it’s the gene that makes you choose to push yourself to do more.  To keep going.  To run an extra mile.  To stay up late cleaning your house and packing lunches even though you are exausted.   To never go to bed with your kitchen dirty.  To always have the laundry put away and not lay in stacks for a week on the couch.   You know that gene?   Well, I don’t have it.  I don’t.  I don’t even have a similar gene.  It is not part of my DNA.  God gave me with the “eh..this is good enough” gene.   That’s the gene that allows you to sit on the couch with a bottle of wine, 3 boys, and a blanket while looking at … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Featured, Uncategorized

Happy Hour was SHOCKING.

  So… you know how we do Friday Family Happy Hour?   Well, we do.  Almost every Friday.   Us and several other families gather at a friend’s house and eat, drink, and are generally merry.    It is wonderful!  My favorite night of the week! Sooooo… tonight, like all other Fridays was great.  I made a huge pot of soup, we had tons of appetizers for the grown-ups and corndogs and sugar for the kiddos! The weather is so nice right now.   The adults sit outside by the firepit and the kids are inside with the TV, Wii, music, swords, and all other sorts of mayhem.   The drinks are also inside, which means that the kids get checked on about every 11 seconds… The kids ages are: 11, 10, 10, 9, 8, 8, 7, 7, 7, … Read entire article »

Filed under: Family, Featured, Grown-up time, Uncategorized, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent

Dieting makes me want to……

  Commit murder? Eat your face off? Exercise? Weigh myself? NO.  (Well, sure it makes me want to eat your face off and kill you , but that is not what I’m talking about.) SMOKE!!  Hunger makes me want to smoke.  Cigarettes.  And lots of them.  And I’m not a smoker!   Well, okay, I smoke ocassionally if I’m out drinking, but not in my real life.  I quit “real” smoking when I was 25.  I NEVER crave a cigarette sober at 10 am.  Seriously.  I crave lots of things at 10 am, but cigarettes are NOT one of them. So, anyway… clearly I can’t start smoking.   For obvious reasons, but also because it is the circle of death….  I can’t smoke without drinking and I can’t drink without eating.  So… instead of just being a chub, I’ll be a chub in liver-failure with … Read entire article »

Filed under: Featured, Uncategorized

I’m no Dooce.

  Soooo,  Hot Mess Mom has had such wonderful feedback in it’s very short 3 week life.  I am overwhelmed by the number of site visits, the comments and the positive feedback.  I have become an official member of the blogesphere.  Or Not. Prior to starting HMM, I had never read a blog.  Ever.  Okay, that’s not totally true…  of course I had read about Copernicus the Monkey and Beyonce the Chicken, as they had gone viral on Facebook and made me pee my pants.   But other than those 2 posts, I had not entered bloggerdom. I’ve gotten a lot of feedback advising me to read other blogs, whore myself out on Twitter, comment on other bloggers,  share, like, share, like, and post.   So this weekend that is exactly what I did.   I checked … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Featured, Ramblings, Uncategorized

Tylenol LSD flashbacks…

  I have bouts of insomnia several times a year, each lasting a few weeks to a few months.  It sucks.  This year I started taking Tylenol PM.  And then I stopped.  I call it Tylenol LSD.  I had the batshit craziest dreams when I took it.   Not scary, just bizarre– like living in Fallujah, teaching monkeys sign language with my high school boyfriend.  And Seven was the director of the Iraqi Monkey Sign language program..  Weird weird stuff. Needless to say, I had to stop taking it.  I was physically rested, but mentally exausted after these very intense forays into my subconscious. But here’s the thing….  the Tylenol LSD has obviously opened some portal in my mind that probably should have remained closed.   I have always had very vivid dreams and usually remember … Read entire article »

Filed under: Dear Diary, Featured, My F*ed up Dreams, Ramblings, Uncategorized