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Halloween~ it’s my favorite

Halloween~ it’s my favorite

  I love Halloween.  LOVE LOVE LOVE Halloween.  I love the decorations, I love the candy, I love the weather.  I LOVE HALLOWEEN.  My kids also love Halloween, as all kids do.  Of course, they love the candy but I don’t let them keep much of it.  If it’s in the house, I’m the one who eats it, not them, marking the beginning of my annual 10 pound winter weight gain.  Generally they get to pick 20-25 pieces to … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Family, Grown-up time, Stellar Parenting Advice

My Franken-foot…

My Franken-foot…

 This post was written last year (9/17/11)..  I am updating it a tad..  Celebrating 3 years bionic 🙂 On September 17, 2009  I shattered my ankle at an 80’s party while dancing with Mr. T and doing shots with PeeWee Herman. It SUCKED.  Like really really sucked.  Post surgery, I was bedridden for 4 weeks, then in a wheelchair for several months,  then crutches, then a cane, and almost a full year of Physical Therapy.   I had … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Things that are NOT awesome, Uncategorized

I’m a narcissistic cryer. And it’s all your fault.

  So…  to be a blogger.. you really need to be kind of a narcissist.  Why else would you think that people in the cyber world would be interested in anything you have to say??   Us bloggers… we are a self-absorbed bunch.   We may not want to admit it.. but again… come on…   I honestly think that there are people out there who WANT and NEED to know when I put expired things in my vagina, yell at my children or have an exceptionally good meal.   NARCISSIST. That being said….  although I’ll admit to being a self-absorbed douche-canoe….  it’s still sometimes very hard for me to take a compliment.  Nice words make me uncomfortable.  I’d rather you say  “Right-On you dumb whore!” than to tell me that I have influenced of affected your … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Dear Diary, Featured, Million MILF March, Ramblings

80’s Ladies Night.. pics

SO. MUCH. FUN.  SO. MUCH.  you will see more faces on this post than you will ever see on HMM.. but I’m just too hungover  tired to edit them all.   If you are a mom…  I cannot stress enough the importance of going OUT and having FUN with people who need nothing from you.  It’s not selfish.  It’s rejuvenating.  Do it.   … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Grown-up time

This is why I can’t have a maid

So, you know my anniversary gift to myself was 2 ladies for 8 hours to come clean my house.  Windows, fans, appliances, boys rooms, laundry, clothes away, etc…   16 hours of cleaning and organizing!  Glory!!   I am very happy with the results.   The reactions from the boys have been varied: I love how clean everything is, but now I can’t find anything. They messed up my whole room!!  Where is my robe???  Oh, nevermind.. it’s in the closet.. Are you going to expect us to keep our stuff clean like this all of the time? and so on, and so forth.   Amongst the discoveries by the cleaning ladies…  PILES of washed and folded clothes hidden between Number One’s bed and wall.  Yes.. hidden.. as to not be put away..  an apple core in someones closet Christmas wrapping paper 6 … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics

Me & Ahmad Rashad… a love story

All this basketball brings back memories…   When I was in college (and for a few years after) I went to every possible NBA game..  My dad had season tickets for the Orlando Magic and I had fancy friends with connections to many other teams.  I’ve never been a sports person, but I was social.  And NBA games are social and  fun.  Especially when your seats are in a box on on the floor. In 1996 (I think)… my very close friend {yes..I’m talking about YOU} took me to Miami.  He had floor seats for the Miami Heat game.  I was sitting next to Ahmad Rashad.  On the floor…  There was player back then named JR Reid.  He was not famous.  I  loved him.  He looked like a black version of my college … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Uncategorized

The Party Cups were a HIT!

St. Pat’s was the first real event/ party where we broke out the HMM Party Cups.    They were such a hit!   Instead of a marker, we had Irish foam stickers.  As the day went on, we continued to “check off” our categories.   From “Bossy” to “Bitch” to “Smoker”  to “Drunk“.  Once everyone hit “Drunk“, we would just yell randomly “you’re getting a new sticker!!!”  and start marking off “Trashbag“,  “Whore“, “Dumbass” and the like.    Only 1 person achieved “Trainwreck”.   (You know who you are)  It was so fun!  Seriously……      If you are having a party or girls’ weekend or attending an outdoor event…..   grab some HMM cups…. so much fun! … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics

Blow up dolls are not for teenagers

My 16 year-old neighbor just came over to borrow some shoes to wear to a party.  (yes.. I’m THAT mom) I am busy making a Mardi Gras Vodka Baby {complete with flashable boobs}, and am covered in feathers and glue so told her to just go in my closet and get whatever she wanted.     About 3 mintues later, I yell…  “OMG… Is there a blow up doll on my closet floor????.    Uh.. yeah..  I didn’t want to say anything… Oh Shit…  stay there..  I need a picture!  I’m still laughing…     I told her it was a prank but I’m not sure she believed me… … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics

Apparently I’m inappropriate

Apparently I’m inappropriate

  Seven called this morning. So honey..  here in Abu Dhabi, and I guess all over the Middle- East.. .. porn sites, gambling sites, and sites with inappropriate content are blocked.    And guess what else is blocked?   Hot Mess Mom!      I’m still giggling..  Must have been the burka baby…. … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics

Yes. There will be therapy.

  I feel like we are all in agreement that my children will one day be in therapy.  What we may disagree on , are the reasons why. For example, I do not believe my children are negatively impacted by the fact that their mother speaks like a drunken sailor.  Nor do I believe that they will suffer terribly from my flushing their live Beta fish down the toilet “because it wasn’t supposed to live this long”.   Walking in on Seven and I having “an upside-down tickle fight” (more than once) ..  will not linger in their subconscious. When Number One complains about doing something, and I give him the choice to do it or listen to the story of the night he was conceived~~ no biggie. When I imitate Number Two’s speech on a regular … Read entire article »

Filed under: Antics, Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Vodka Baby, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent