And now I write for YOU

I started to write a lengthy reply to a first time reader, then decided to make this a post.

Let me begin by saying that HMM truly has such amazing readers.. sometimes it is overwhelming.   You all are wonderful.  And not ass-kissing wonderful… just honest and supportive and appreciative and strong and just fricking awesome.

I read every single comment on HMM and try to reply to most of them.    You guys make me laugh, make me smile, and sometimes give me a little eye water….

I woke up this morning to this comment from a first time reader:

This was the first “mom blog” I have ever read. Truthfully, I never thought I would “need” or “want” to search the Internet for women who feel as overwhelmed as I do (I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old–both boys, and I work full time). Judgmental, I know, but I’m still learning. Lately I have been feeling like just about everyone I know who has little kids denies that it is as hard as I say it is. I have one work friend, however, who I never EVER see without a caffeinated beverage in her hand–usually in a porcelain mug from home, who gets it. Thank God for her. And thank God for this blog and that other one about how getting married and making babies is hard. I hate to sound like a broken record, but they both made me cry. Finally! The truth!!! Not that those other moms are lying, but come on, it’s not always sweetness and light when you’re a new parent. Anyhow, thanks. I don’t feel like such a failure today. And I don’t feel like maybe I just have “tough kids.” And maybe mom blogging isn’t so silly after all.

And THEN.. a few hours later..  I recieved THIS:

Hi there, so I read your blog religiously. But my dumb ass couldn’t figure out how to send you a message on there for the whole world to see… Maybe you really can’t. I dunno, whatever. Anywhoo, I just wanted to say thank you. Im 25 years old, work full time, and am a single momma to a 13 month old little girl. She rocks my world but also scares the shit out of me. I’ve been alone the whole time, and I’m ok with that. I see happy couples doing this thing,and I think, “Wow, I bet with a partner who gives a crap this parenting thing would be a full time party” Obviously I know thats not really true, but man, it looks awesome having help. I look at it like Im lucky that I dont have to share the bragging rights on how awesome my little is. She’s all mine, I am doing this myself. I digress…

A few months ago I was really down in the dumps, pissed about my mom body, felt like no one wanted me, and that I would be alone forever. When my daughter does cool shit, or is super sweet or is sick and just needs a lot of lovin, I wish there were someone there to share it all with. Im a DIYer and love to craft and read. So I googled mom blogs and found you on top mommy blogs. I look at life differently. You gave me the self esteem boost to love being me. Im a snarky, ridiculous bitch. And I fancy myself to be the hot tattoo’d soccer mom. Its fun, and I love it. And you’ve given me the push to start looking at life again, get out of my spit up covered clothes (which I love just as much as the slinky tank top and tight torn up jeans) and look around me.

This was probably an incoherent mess. Hopefully you get the message. I love the blog, and you my dear, are the bees knees. Thanks for being so fucking fabulous

I have so much to say to this…  and not just to these ladies, but to all of you in similar situations.

I am a very honest and very strong person.  I always have been.. however,  I had no idea that I was such a mess back then.. I mean, I knew I was a mess..  I smelled like spit up and my clothes were wrinkled and I was exhausted and overwhelmed.  But I didn’t know how far underwater I was.  I really didn’t.  You all searching out support because you feel lost and knowing~ while in the thick of it~ that you are struggling, is more than I ever could have done back then.   So, I commend you..  I really do.   You are years ahead of where I was at that time just by saying the words “I am lost”.

As far as blogging.. I’ve said it before.. when I started HMM, I had never read a blog.  EVER..   Hot Mess Mom began as an extension of my Facebook account really..   My life is silly.  I travel a lot.  My kids are hilarious and also assholes.   HMM was to be nothing but a forum for the funny and ridiculous stories of my life.

In those first few months, I wrote my ass off…  mostly quick anecdotal tales, sometimes more.

This post was written 3 weeks after the blog began.  THIS post  was written 6 months after the blog began.

The gist of both posts is that, regardless of anything else, I am writing for ME..  Hot Mess Mom is for ME.  Me, Me, Me, Me.

I think that has changed.   I think now I write for YOU.    Whether it is to make you laugh, cringe or feel better about your life… YOU are in my mind when I write.   Sometimes, something happens and I think to myself.. I won’t write that.. it’s not funny.   Then days later, I think.. it may not be funny, but  maybe people want to know that non-funny, mundane, and aggravating shit goes on in my life daily.   So then I write.

I’m evolving.  Hot Mess Mom is evolving.  I still don’t know the point of it.  I don’t know what I want it to be.  I do know that I love it.  I know that I feel obligated to write sometimes even when I don’t feel like it.   I know that I am proud of myself.   I know that I feel encouraged by all of you and I think that you feel encouraged by me.

I still don’t read many blogs.   Not because I’m not supportive of other bloggers, because I still think it’s important to continue to find my voice.  HMM is 10 months old.  It’s still a baby.  I’m still learning.  I still have a lot of the same issues/ questions that I did on that blog written back 3 weeks after I started.

(How many times can the word “still” be used on one page?  Geez)

Anyhoo… bottom line~~ HMM is changing.  Not the content, the inspiration.   My family gives me the content.  You all are giving me the inspiration to write it.

Thank you.

(Click on that damn banner below… I still need the validation )