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Hot Mess Mom » Family, Featured, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent » Boogers are Belicious!

Boogers are Belicious!

 

 

My boys are gross.   They are disgusting, vile creatures.   I love them dearly, but holy hell are they are mess.

I have to remind them to wipe their asses, wash their hands, and brush their teeth.   EVERY SINGLE DAY.

( and yes.. I understand that all parents remind their kids to brush their teeth, but shouldn’t ass-wiping be a force of habit by the time you are 8 – 10 years old???   And NO– I don’t know how many times you should wipe it.  There is no set number.  Just wipe it until it’s clean.  It’s not that hard! )

They never pee IN the bowl… always on or around it.

They cannot use toothpaste without covering the bathroom in blue goo.

They catch critters, then forget about them.   I unload the dryer to find petrified lizard skeletons and frog corpses.

I try to relax on the patio only to find my favorite serving dish being used as an terrarium, housing spiders and beetles and giant grasshoppers.

They fart on each other for fun.  They play “pull my finger” and then “smell my finger”.  They use the word “ballsac”.

When I insisted that they stop saying “ballsac”, Number One replied ” Okay Mom.. We’ll say SCROTUM… Is that better?? Really? ”

“Okay..  ballsac it is….”

Somehow they are able to justify their disgustingness.   Somehow they are always able to convince me that, although they are horrible, vile beasts,  there is a reasonable foundation for their nasty behavior.

It can best be summed up by Number Three.    When he was younger,  I told him “Stop picking your nose!   And God, PLEASE stop eating it!  That is disgusting.”

He stared at me… pitying…. as if I just didn’t get it…..   and said

But MOM!!!    BOOGERS ARE BELICIOUS!!!!

And there you have it…. …  that’s it in a nutshell.    I cannot fight the war against booger-eating when boogers are belicious………….

God Help Me.


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11 Responses to "Boogers are Belicious!"

  1. One of their many Aunties says:

    Raw, real,hilarious!

  2. J says:

    After my boy gets out of shower I tell him to run is finger through his crack & if it stinks to go wash again. I spend half of my time trying to reconcile w how flippin’ wierd he is. There aint no doubt in my mind boys & girls ARE from different planets!

  3. Donna says:

    I will be reading your blog from now on. I also have three boys. They are now adults, although the youngest is still in high school. Everything you have written about boys and their gross habits describes my life to a tee. Thank you for the chuckles.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      Thank you Donna! Glad you’re here!

  4. Amanda says:

    Thank God you are making me feel like I’m normal! My boys are everything your boys are/do and more and I was wondering if I was a bad parent. You rock!

  5. Darcie Bird says:

    I have to tell you, I have a 5 year old girl, and it’s pretty much the same thing for me – I don’t know if all girls are like this, but she is. Once, when I asked her to stop picking her nose and eating it, she replied, “but Mom, I’m hungry!” (Parenting fail? Are we supposed to feed them? lol). Also, the other night as I was using the washroom after a long day with the kids, I turned to look at the wall to my right and noticed a poo streak – ON THE WALL! The next day when I asked her what happened she looked at me proudly and said, “You’ve been asking me to wipe my own bum and I did! But then I got poo on my finger so I wiped it off. And I got poo in my underwear too. It’s in the hamper.” WTF.

    1. Hot Mess Mom says:

      i have to clorox the walls and counters in the bathroom regularly. My boys are now 11, 9 & 8. WTF? I am FAILING as a parent.

  6. Denise says:

    Boys are like noise with dirt on it. Think that was a pinterest pin, or something. HMM you are delightful and love your blog. I am a mom of five boys 21-7 in age. And yes, I own a tiara.

  7. YOU CAN CALL ME AL says:

    I also have 3 boys. 7, 3, and 15mos. Three special surprises. I recently quit my job, my career, what I went to college to do, so I could stay home and wrangle them. I had awesome ideas about what or life was going to be like since I wasn’t going to be working. Naps, clean house, clean laundry, happy children, the smell of cookies and rainbows… So here I am hiding in my bathtub while the baby is screaming himself to sleep and the 3 year old is sulking outside the door because I stopped him from taking another dump in the neighbor’s flower bed. I found your blog yesterday and it made me feel so much better. Especially knowing that I’m not the only one with a urine soaked bathroom.

  8. Beth says:

    I used to tell my little nephew to stop picking his nose. Constantly. One day, after catching him eating one, I asked him if that tasted good. He said “They taste like pizza.” I wanted to dot his eye! Disgusting!

  9. Rita Walden says:

    HAHAHAHA I have 2 boys and a girl…LOL Kids are wonderful aren’t they. Now they r all grownups, Boys 29 30 and my daughter 22, but u just made me relive my past.
    Now I get to explore the grandchildren days. They r worse, because grandparents tend to be more lenient cause they do eventually go home. Ages 3,4,5,7,7,9 and a nephew whose like my grandkid 10. So u can imagine the days I have sometimes when they all arrive. This is when I love summer. Pack em up on my *bus* go to the houseboat throw on lifejackets and they live in the water the whole time. Repeatedly tho they always wanting to go inside to pee or poop or some crazy reason and never want to use my towels I have laying outdoors to dry off before they go inside. Farts, boogars and the giggles of dirty words like but cheeks and off the wall names they come up with cracks me up.
    This is the funniest part. My daughters fiancé hates to hear a girl say fart…my daughter growin up with her dad and brothers is just like them. She isn’t shy at all and bluntly speaks like me. He tells his girls to “never say fart it isn’t ladylike…its passing gas”, Good luck with that one. The babygirl now 4 says “I farted’ when she does and laughs about it. Even in resturants.
    Loved this blog as well. U go HMM!!!

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