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how to excel at dramatic acting. aka: wiener hair.
Family dinner on the back patio. Fish tacos, Summer Ale, a nice breeze.. beautiful night. We’re talking to the kids about the how well they did in the play this weekend. ME: Number One, do you think you will want to do plays once you get to middle school? NUMBER ONE: I dunno. ME: Well, if you DO pursue acting when you are older and you ever have a role where you have to cry….. put your hands in your pockets and pull your wiener hair.. it’ll make you cry. Or at least tear up. {I start laughing before I can finish my sentence} SEVEN: Dude.. don’t do that.. Nobody does that. ME: yes they do. {laughing so hard that I now have tears} SEVEN: But not really. {not laughing} ME: Yes.. People do do that. Really. SEVEN: Dude.. do not … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
wow. that is excellent news.
Number Two: Mom!! I have GREAT news! Mrs $%# can’t chaperone the field trip because she has a doctors appointment or something. SOOOooooo, I told the teacher YOU could do it! Me:{monotone} Oh. Wow. Super. Number Two: There is a note in my planner. You have to sign it and say YES. And if you say NO, I’m going to scratch it out and write YES. Me: Okay. Then I guess yes. Let me just check my calendar. Number Two: Okay, but the field trip is on May 11th and today is only April 30th so even if you have plans you have plenty of time to reschedule. {omg.. he’s soo my child} Me: Welp, looks like I’m going to the zoo. With 120 third graders. In May. In Florida. So it will be 90 degrees. Elephants smell awesome … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
Now I even get mad at Seven in my sleep.
Dreamt last night that Seven decided to share with me all of the people he has hooked up with on the road. He didn’t think I’d be too mad since there was no intercourse so it was technically not cheating. At 1:30 am I woke up to pee and was so mad at him and I wanted to suffocate him with his pillow. It took me so long to get back to sleep. I awoke this morning still angry. OMG. I had a dream last night that you told me about all these people you had hooked up with on the road, but there was no “intercourse” so you didn’t think I should be too mad. {laughs} It’s not funny! I’m still pissed off about it. AND you knew their names!! You were … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, My F*ed up Dreams
Number One finding himself?
Number One is in his last month of Elementary School. 5th Grade graduation is around the corner. The dreaded Middle School years are looming. For years I have told him Dude… middle school sucks. It just sucks. It’s not the school… it’s the age. 6th – 8th grade years blow. Hormones, puberty, acne… girls who look like they are 20 and girls who look like they are 8. Boys who are 4’5″ and boys who are 6’2″. Ick. Just get through it. In high school, most of the awkwardness will be behind you and you can be whoever you want. But in middle school, just get through it. I’ve bought him every humor book with “Middle School– the worst years of my life”, “Middle School Survival Guide” etc in the title. We … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Stellar Parenting Advice
Guilt. what an annoying emotion
I was raised Catholic. So, guilt is as much a part of my life as breathing or menstruation. I’m okay with it for the most part. I firmly believe that guilt is a wasted emotion and I try to push it aside when it rears its ugly guilty head. Next to Catholic guilt, Parenting guilt is the heaviest form of guilt. I missed a soccer game. I fed my kids cereal for dinner. Whoops, I forgot to get them from school… guilt, guilt, guilt. My boys are in a play this weekend. 3 shows. Last night Seven and I went together. Today Seven stayed home while I ran around getting flowers and directors gifts and food for the cast party. I attended the matinee, held the cast party and fed 65 children. I … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
there is no one in this house i want to sleep with.
So, you know that I am crazy moody, have horrible PMS, labia ninjas, hemmhorage monthly and hate the world when I’m on my period. So…. I am. And I’m sooooo tired. It’s 11pm.. It’s been a long day/week/month/life… I’m tired. Clearly I have low iron. I’ll be in the potty every 2 hours overnight. It sucks. I need to go to bed. But here’s the rub… I hate everyone in my house. I don’t wanna sleep with Seven cuz he pissed me off an hour ago. Don’t wanna sleep with Number One because, although he was amazing at his play, he acted like a complete fucktard on the way home and pissed me off. Don’t want to sleep with Two or Three for no other reason than I don’t want anyone near … Read entire article »
Filed under: Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
My greatest accomplishment as a mother…
Clearly I have failed in many aspects of parenting. But there is one area that I have totally, completely, and ass-kickingly excelled… My kids are the BEST eaters. Seriously. They will eat (or at least try) almost anything. Baby food grosses me out. When my boys were babies, I would feed them baby food when necessary but often fed them grits, mashed potatoes, soups, gumbos, etc. All of my kids had 8 teeth at 8 months.. so by 8 months, they were on total table food. Jambalaya, red beans & rice, pasta carbonara, etc.. they ate it all. We are not a grilled cheese, hot dog, plain noodles, chicken nugget family. Of course, my kids eat those things, but it’s not what I cook. And it’s not what I fed them as babies/toddlers. What we … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family
Cookies, wine and giggles- it’s what I’ve got to give.
One of my oldest friends arrived in town this week to sit at her father’s bedside at a Hospice facility and wait for him to pass. He had three daughters, who live in three different cities and were all by his side for his last few days of this life. She texted me Sunday morning asking me to come to Hospice. Our friend Nic was going up and bringing food. I brought wine. Her father was Italian. And, me.. being focused on a theme even during times of sorrow, showed up with a picnic basket containing 4 bottles of Italian wine, Hot & Messy wine glasses and Mint Milanos. Me: I had to go all Italian with the provisions… it’s your dad… Daughter 2: Are Milanos Italian? Me: Uh.. YEAH… Milan is in … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary
Tuesdays with Gooley- Episode 9
Death, Darkness, and Sex and The City. Summer is upon us. I just can’t seem to land on a topic this week. A few ideas swim around in my head…until they get tired and drown. Typically, by Friday ideas begin to form and flow. Rather than obsessing over a single topic I’m just going to riff with the few ideas that are churning in my brain. Who knows, the riff may develop and coalesce. It will likely be a stream of consciousness brain bleed. Hope it holds your attention! Let’s commence the mommy blogging. Summer is coming. Actually here in Northern California, it started all of a sudden yesterday. After a colder than average winter and no spring, the sun decided to come out with a vengeance and bake the land with … Read entire article »
Filed under: Tuesdays with Gooley
Number Two’s 9th bday- aka: Deep Sea Fishing
So.. you know I lost my phone at Legoland yesterday. And you know what a freak I am about taking pics and updating my life hourly…. so today.. my middle son’s 9th birthday ….. deep sea fishing…. ALL DAY…. with no way to take pictures or update the interweb on my activities…….. well, it was almost unbearable. But i beared! And now am going to try to remember to catalog it all!! Today Number Two is 9 years old. Where the time has gone, I do not know. Last thing before bed last night he said “Mom..don’t forget The Book tomorrow before we go fishing.” THE book he is referring to is Dr. Seuss’ Happy Birthday to You. Which I have read to each of my children first thing in the morning on their birthday since Number One turned … Read entire article »
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