Hot Mess Mom » Archive
Number Two’s thought of the night
When I grow up, I want to be a billionaire. And everynight before I go to bed I’m going to take a long shower. But before my shower, I’m going to take a bath. In a tub full of PUDDING! You cannot make this stuff up folks.. .. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family
take a porn
i was in the kitchen at the stove and Seven set up a handheld video camera on a tripod on the counter. Then walked over to me and hugged me. What are you doing?? I’m just trying to make sure this works. Oh, I thought maybe you were trying to take a porn. Take a porn? Really? Do you think it’s called “take a porn”. Maybe I watch too much porn, but you clearly do not watch enough. {or ANY}. take a porn.. pffft! THESE are the conversations that happen in my house daily.. WTF? … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Things that are NOT awesome
you show your ass, I’ll show mine.
Number One has been exceptionally assholish lately. If you think it’s inappropriate to call an 11 year-old an asshole… well, you are probably right…. but since I’m out of the running for 2012′s Mother of the Year, I’m just gonna roll with it. I won’t get into details and specifics, but basically if Number One could adult-nap Seven and run away.. just the two of them forever…he would be a happy camper. His brothers and I are nothing more than a spur in his saddle. Especially me. Ya’ll know I have a bit of a temper. I also have little patience and a very low threshold for bullshit. That combined with Number One’s recent acceleration of assholishness has made for a very trying week. But…once again… my evil genius has saved the day. Beginning … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
Number Two– A diagnosis!!
Where to begin, where to begin? Unless you are brand spanking new to HMM, you know that Number Two is both The Golden Child and the child that struggles terribly in school. I have written many a post expressing my love for that child and the joy he brings me, as well as the utter frustration I have when attempting to do anything academic with him. We have been working with the school system for 3 years. He receives speech therapy and reading help. We have a private tutor. He spends time with his teacher 2 mornings a week before school. He is a B student. He tries so hard. He enjoys school and wants to excel. The past 3 years have been a roller coaster of progression and regression. One step forward, … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family
Makings of an Asshat- Part II
A few weeks ago, I featured a guest post from “Ain’t too late for poison”. {see here if you missed it the first time http://hotmessmom.com/?p=2520} The response was so great and many of you could soo relate to her story that she actually DID go start her own blog! {Yay!} Here is Makings of an Asshat- Part II Ok Asshat has inspired me to write part 2. I wasn’t going to go into the whole jail story just yet, but what the hell, why not?!! So we left off with my taking Asshat to court for contempt. In his defense, he did file papers to have our agreement modified(so he could reduce his child support and alimony payments). The only problem with that? He would have to turn over a shit ton of financial documents to … Read entire article »
Filed under: Uncategorized
playing Memory is so fun {and it’s not even Thursday}
One of Number Two’s homework assignments is “Memory Matchup”. Writing each of his 20 spelling word on two pieces of paper, and essentially playing “Memory” with them. I cut paper. He wrote the words. We began to play. He didn’t make a match. I didn’t make a match. He didn’t make a match again. Neither did I. After a good three minutes, we still had yet to make a match. What the hell Number Two?? This is ridiculous.. I didn’t write each word twice, ya know? Only once. Welp… that would explain it. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
Tomato/ Tomaahhto
I bought Seven a tomato plant yesterday. Hey! I bought you a tomato plant. Since You, One & Three eat tomatoes, You, One & Three are in charge of caring for it. I will not be watering it, checking on it, or picking tomatoes. ” I almost bought one the other day. You know why I didn’t? ‘Cuz I t hought to myself.. she will NEVER water or care for this plant. So, thanks for the plant, but you know it’s dead as soon as I leave town again.” I love that he knows exactly who I am. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Uncategorized
Tuesdays with Gooley- Episode 5
Ducky Kicks Ass and I Ooze Philosophical Dateline Sunday. It’s raining. I’m sipping whiskey while watching Pretty In Pink with my dog. Ducky just tackled the rich blond guy in the high school hallway. Here’s where I jump in to this week’s post; a non sequitur opening foreshadowing a departure from my typical blathering. I’m not sure where this is going but I needed a lead in. It’s been a slow soggy week on the farm … Read entire article »
Filed under: Tuesdays with Gooley
Review Time- March
As Hot Mess Mom increases in popularity, I receive dozens of requests monthly to review products. I decline most. However, if the product is something that I would use in my daily life, I agree to review. I will not post negative reviews. ( Or at least I won’t at this time.. maybe I’ll change my mind as time goes on). This blog will not become a blog of product reviews! That is not my shtick! Again… if I receive 30 requests, I may agree to do 8. Of those 8, maybe 5 will be favorable. I will write ONE TIME PER MONTH about the products that I have enjoyed. I think it’s important to do this, as most companies who are asking me for my help are new to the … Read entire article »
Filed under: Products & Reviews
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