Hot Mess Mom » Archive
Do you believe?
So….. Santa Claus. I am a crazy Santa Claus mom. Crazy. Santa gifts are in seperate wrapping paper, tagged with printed tags {nothing handwritten}, artfullly arranged on the hearth instead of thrown haphazardly under the tree. Bits and peices of carrots are left in the front yard {because we all know that reindeer can’t be such neat eaters} and Santa always leaves crumbs around the table that I complain about having to wipe up. When Number One was turning 8, I figured that would be his last Christmas as a believer. Then, at 9.. I KNEW it was our last year. By 10, we were on borrowed time for sure. Now he is almost 11. His brothers are 7 & 8. Here is my question…. do I tell Number One about Santa (Obviously, … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Family
Things that SEVEN Loves… PART I
sooo… SEVE’N LOVES when I come home a little drunk. ( he also l0ves when I ‘backspace’ 10x in a worrd. AAAANNNNDDDDD…… there is SOO much more to this post… so much that mad me want to blog about it .. but mow i cannot rememrt/ so i will wit to tomrrow. and yes… will post JUST as i am right now.. which sis not preety…. i know. it’s sooooo not okay….. but ia mout. alone. no baboes// j;u sjot/// { that shoud say HOLY SHIT} Curse YOU barbara jo! ///////// pause as I realize I’m loaded and should wait til the morror…??????/ and…. I”m bak. and feelingsjhitting manana…. bring me bacon. {{{ PLEASE NOTE: This is my very first drunk blog. Hopefully my last. I had no kids tonight nor was … Read entire article »
Filed under: Uncategorized
Be a do-gooder. Just like me.
Fellow Messes~~ I am assuming that many of you are like me. Big Hot Buttered Messes who scream and yell and curse and drink. And have hearts the size of Texas. I am a do-gooder. I admit it. I love doing a good deed. Makes me happy. Always has. Extra money in the toll booth, paying for the coffee behind me, bringing in carts from a parking lot, bringing blankets to the homeless on a cold night , etc etc…. When I have money, I do more… When I don’t.. I do less. But it’s a part of who I am. And I’m hoping to make it a part of my children. Yay for me, right? I’m so amazing!! Everyone should be as wonderful as I!! Not quite. Meet my friend Robyn Bomar. The creator of The … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary
i failed the pencil test ™
damn. damn damn damn damn…. I have officially failed the pencil test. FML. I am 39. I have nursed 3 babies. And yet… I have continued to pass the pencil test year after year… {note: pencil test ~~ as if you didn’t know~~ is…… put a pencil or a crayon under your boob. If it falls down , your boobs are awesome. If it stays, your boobs are droopy, and therefore suck.} I have NEVER held a pencil. Or a crayon. Until now. We all know I’ve gained some weight recently. (could be the 1-year bender.. I dunno… nobody’s judging)… .. The bonus of my weight gain that my boozoombas are huge. The negative of huge boozoombas is that I have now failed the pencil test. {and yes.. I gave myself the pencil test just … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Drunk Blogging, Ramblings, Uncategorized
THIS is how we do Thanksgiving
A picture is worth a thousand words… Here are approximately 300,000 words to display the incredible week that is my Thanksgiving. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Travel
I am thankful
Today (and always) I am thankful for my family. All of them. My parents for enabling us to spend Thanksgiving week in New Orleans every year. My husband for enjoying the city and my family as much as I do. My kids for being awesome and “getting it”. My cousin and her incredible family for sharing their home with 5 hot messes for an entire week. And for all of my other cousins, aunts and uncles. I am especially thankful for the Thanksgiving day that we are about to have. 100 people. Sit-down dinner and my aunt’s house on the river. Best Thanksgiving Day EVER. Truly. Wishing you all much happiness, many blessings, and a turkey coma. Happy Thanksgiving! {gobble gobble} … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Family
Do you know what it means…
To miss New Orleans? Walking down the riverfront and this lovely gentleman seranades me with “Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?”. Yes. Yes I do. I love this city. I love this city with all of my heart. It is my blood. It is my heritage. It is my culture. It is my family. I come from a HUGE family. My father was one of 10 children. I am the 5th of 40-something grandchildren. … Read entire article »
i just ate a baguette. (yes, a whole one)
Well, I think we all know how my “pre-Thanksgiving, pre-Holiday, post-rockstar bender” diet went… in two words: not well. Seriously, I think I gained weight. I’m an uncaged animal. I cannot stop. The eating, the drinking, the eating. The drinking. I just really enjoy those things. I was raised on great food. Eating was the focus of the day. The focus of the family. We do not ”eat to live” we “live to eat”. This was fine when I was a kid. And okay in my 20′s. A little troublesome in my 30′s, but I was pregnant most of that time, so whatevs… but NOW… NOW that I am knocking on 40′s door… something has got to give! ( something other than the button on my jeans!) I have clearly proven to myself that not eating delicious food and abstaining from … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Food, Ramblings
jingle balls ™ (warning: this post is offensive)
I’m sitting here, waiting for my hair to color and have 15 minutes to kill. Soooo, I thought I would explain where “jingle balls” came from. When I was in college, I worked at a bar. I worked at several bars actually, but those are not a part of this story. One night during the holidays, towards the end of a double shift, my best friend (and also Number One’s godfather), my roommate, and I were a litle drunk and a little slap-happy. We started making up our own alternate versions of Christmas Carols. We wrote them on a check. Which I still have 20 years later. I call The Godfather every Christmas and sing him our songs. And we pee our pants. (Halfway because it’s so funny and halfway because we are old now. And … Read entire article »
Filed under: Antics, Drunk Blogging, Grown-up time
a love letter..
Dear Number One, If you don’t want to see me change my tampon, then don’t walk into my bathroom without knocking. Love, Mom … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Stellar Parenting Advice, Things that are NOT awesome, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
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