Hot Mess Mom » Archive
Kitchen Quicky? huh?
www.kitchenquicky.com All I’m sayin’ is that “Kitchen Quicky” has a totally different meaning at my house. Totally, Totally, Totally Different. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Grown-up time
I need a FUN WAGON.
How am I supposed to be on the wagon when there is ALWAYS something fun to do?? I’m supposed to be losing 10 pounds before Thanksgiving. No school night drinking, no carbs, sensible eating, etc… HOWEVER~ I am fun! And I have fun friends! And I have fun kids! And there is ALWAYS something happening! Last week was the beginning of my 3 week “wagon trip.” My goal was to have ZERO carbs, and ZERO school night alcohol. I did not do so well. Tuesday night ~ Pumpkin Patch, dinner with my parents, wine. Thursday night ~ 3rd grade play, dinner with friends, wine. Friday night~ Skipped Guns N Roses concert. Happy hour with my friends, vodka. Saturday~ layed around with the kids all day eating popcorn and bit-o-honeys. Sunday~ Halloween party, beautiful weather, Sam Adams Octoberfest. Tonight~ Halloween. Dozens … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Grown-up time
Holy lazy day Batman!
I woke up this morning to a rainy, yucky day. And I was thrilled! Perfect excuse to do nothing today but watch movies and take naps. It is now gorgeous outside. Like really really beautiful. And I am pissed! I hate to spend a beautiful day inside but I just cannot switch gears…. My mind was only prepared for a nothing day. I cannot get motivated to put on a bra, much less pants. I just asked the kids if they want to do anything and luckily they said “No”. Yay for me! So, now we are eating popcorn and bit-o-honeys (yes, I’m supposed to be dieting and losing 10 pounds before Thanksgiving. It’s not going that well) and getting ready to watch our third movie of the day. I cannot decide if this makes … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
why? really. why?
Who sratches themself putting their own hair into pigtails? I’m thinking no one but me. WTF? It’s gonna be a scar… Seriously…. there is blood. WHY???? … Read entire article »
Filed under: Uncategorized
How I know I’m old
Free tickets in a suite with free booze and free food. Guns N Roses. Friday night out with the girls. Ticket says GNR goes on at 9pm. Which I think is late. If you are an 80′s/ 90′s band you need to go on at like 6:30…. your fans are OLD!! We were just informed that GNR will not go on until 11pm! Forget it. I am too old. I cannot do it. So now, instead of rocking the black jeans and red lipstick, I am in flipflops and a sweatshirt. My hair is in pigtails and I’m going to my girlfriends for happy hour. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Uncategorized
Seven thinks I’m going to get the bird flu
This morning’s phone conversation: ME: Seven.. there’s a bird inside the pool screen. SEVEN: Just leave the patio doors open today and it will fly out. ME: It’s nowhere near the doors. It’s on the other side of the pool. It’s hanging out under the plumbego ~ then divebombing the screen ~ then back under the plant. SEVEN: Just leave the doors open. ME: It’s nowhere near the doors!! Why am I going to leave the doors open all day while I’m not here? So the bears and the snakes can come IN? I’m really glad I called you. You are a HUGE help. SEVEN: Well, you can’t touch it.. you can’t try to catch it or anything. Haven’t you ever heard of the bird flu?? ME: Haven’t you ever heard of me giving you the bird? SEVEN: You … Read entire article »
Filed under: Dear Diary, Family, Things that are NOT awesome
Like mother like sons…
I was driving the boys to school and I had the worst stomach cramps.. ME: Ugh.. Boys, I really should have pooped before we left the house. NUMBER ONE: Ew Mom. ME: {ripped the biggest, loudest, flubberiest, nastiest, smelliest toot ever.. seriously.}… “Oh. I think maybe I just did ” (giggling) BOYS: {scrambling for the windows} OH, AW, GOD…. MOM!!!! That is disgusting!!! OH MY GOD!!… UGH, ,ICK.. NUMBER ONE: Oh my God Mom… You know why WE are disgusting? ‘Cuz YOU are disgusting. touche’ … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
Duct tape is not a tool. But Seven is.
Number One: Dad can’t fix anything REALLY. But he can do almost ANYTHING with duct tape and zip ties. Me: Dude. That is the DEFINITION of a half-ass. And please don’t grow up thinking that duct tape and zip ties are tools. They are not. But your dad is. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Uncategorized, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
I’m raising free-ballers… ™
So… my boys have boycotted underwear. I don’t why or when this occured, but they now almost never wear skivies… Number Three has always had an aversion to undies .. His first flag football game when he was 4, there was more flying than just his flags…. I was dying! At half-time I was like ” Dude!! Are you not wearing underwear????” No.. {giggling}. “Okay, well then could you please try to NOT fall down again…cuz NOBODY wants to see that!!???” Generally they don’t wear skivs with their PJs, which I’m fine with. But all of a sudden..I’m folding laundry and have PILES of clothes and no underwear. ”Guys… are ya’ll not wearing underwear?” “Nah” ”Uh, why?” “We don’t know. We just don’t want to” “Okay, listen.. I don’t care… that’s your preference and you can make that decision on your own. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Family, Things that are NOT awesome, Uncategorized, Ways I know I'm failing as a parent
Dieting makes me want to……
Commit murder? Eat your face off? Exercise? Weigh myself? NO. (Well, sure it makes me want to eat your face off and kill you , but that is not what I’m talking about.) SMOKE!! Hunger makes me want to smoke. Cigarettes. And lots of them. And I’m not a smoker! Well, okay, I smoke ocassionally if I’m out drinking, but not in my real life. I quit “real” smoking when I was 25. I NEVER crave a cigarette sober at 10 am. Seriously. I crave lots of things at 10 am, but cigarettes are NOT one of them. So, anyway… clearly I can’t start smoking. For obvious reasons, but also because it is the circle of death…. I can’t smoke without drinking and I can’t drink without eating. So… instead of just being a chub, I’ll be a chub in liver-failure with … Read entire article »
Filed under: Featured, Uncategorized
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